{"id":2531,"date":"2021-02-10T19:16:49","date_gmt":"2021-02-11T00:16:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/?p=2531"},"modified":"2021-11-16T00:38:26","modified_gmt":"2021-11-16T05:38:26","slug":"5-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2021\/02\/5-years\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Years"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Content warning: alcohol abuse, binge drinking, discussion of risk of violation of consent and assault, underage drinking, social pressure, childhood trauma, anxiety, PTSD, coping, domestic abuse, suicide mention, self harm mention<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have been drinking since I was twelve years old. Alcohol, that is – water and I go way back. I grew up in a drinking heavy culture with easy access to alcohol and the understanding that booze makes you fun<\/em>, in spite of my own traumatic experiences as a child showing me that drunk adults were not fun<\/em>. Nonetheless, I jammed to that song and by the time I was legal to drink, I was seasoned, and it tipped over rapidly into a binge drinking habit that nearly ruined my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have not been drunk since December of 2015. Let’s talk about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Was I Drinking?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"Johnny
Let’s do this.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Over five years of moderation – what I chose instead of abstinence sobriety, knowing my own reaction to abstinence and how often I would still be exposed to alcohol living in Pittsburgh, working in games. And games are part of how it got so bad. Corporate had a huge part in it too, but conventions were the tipping point. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To be clear, I still drink alcohol. But I went from, at worst, a full bottle of liquor a binge (binging over 8 drinks a night, multiple nights a week) to now at most, two small glasses of Manischewitz or mixed drink every couple weeks or so. Sometimes, I’ve gone whole months without even tasting alcohol beyond Listerine. But for me, sobriety is about not being drunk, not abstinence. Learning to control my intake, my exposure, and learning to not get drunk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surprisingly, with that came the significant limitation of what I drink – mostly it’s for special occasions or to try something special. To me, with a family history of alcoholism, during this pandemic, this has been a massive achievement. I am proud of how far I’ve come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Detective
Let me get to the root of things.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I got there because of three very specific things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n