{"id":470,"date":"2013-01-20T19:43:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-20T19:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2013\/01\/20\/gaming-as-women-finding-my-o-with-the-x-card\/"},"modified":"2021-11-16T00:42:10","modified_gmt":"2021-11-16T05:42:10","slug":"gaming-as-women-finding-my-o-with-the-x-card","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2013\/01\/gaming-as-women-finding-my-o-with-the-x-card\/","title":{"rendered":"Gaming as Women – Finding My O with the X-Card"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I’ve decided to put up a trailing backlog of my posts. From now on, after one-two months of my posts being hosted on Gaming as Women, they will be posted here on BravoCharlieSierra. I still suggest directing any comments to the main site, and recommend visiting Gaming as Women to read the articles by other amazing authors like Filamena Young, Jessica Hammer, Elin Dast\u00e4l, Renee Knipe, and Monica Speca.<\/i><\/b><\/b><\/div>\n
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This post was originally posted on Gaming as Women on January 9, 2012<\/i><\/b><\/b><\/b><\/h1>\n

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Finding My O with the X-Card<\/span><\/a><\/span> <\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/span> <\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/b><\/h1>\n

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I am a player who starts play with a lot of limits. A lot of \u201cnuh uh!\u201d\u2019s. I have anxieties and fears and triggers. But, I <\/span>love<\/span> gaming. I love it, and it is one of the few places in my life I can find new experiences, work out my emotional and mental complications, and where I can push my boundaries.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>This is why I love safe space gaming. A lot of people think this means<\/span> you will never talk about anything bad ever<\/span>, and that\u2019s so far from true! While I tend to lean towards a little bit happier gaming and I prefer a hopeful ending, I don\u2019t need to avoid every bad topic ever to have fun. I just need to feel safe.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>What does that mean, then? To feel safe?<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>It means <\/span>I have an exit strategy<\/span>. It means <\/span>I can say no<\/span>. It means <\/span>no one will laugh at me, criticize me, or quiz me<\/span> if I say no or have to leave. It means that if I have to get up and walk away, I won\u2019t hear \u201cwhat the hell was <\/span>that<\/span> about?\u201d from anyone at the table. It means that the worst thing someone will say in response to me needing to press pause is \u201cAre you okay?\u201d and that they\u2019ll wait a minute before <\/span>asking<\/span>, \u201cAre we okay to continue?\u201d<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>Until about a year ago, I didn\u2019t know I had triggers at the table. The more I played, and the more I learned about gaming, the more I knew that there were things that could happen in game that might upset me or scare me. During game<\/span> design<\/span> I found out that wow \u2013 consent in social interactions? <\/span><\/b>That matters to me. I didn\u2019t know that before!<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>There are a lot of ways to play without risking triggers. One option is just being open about your hard limits \u2013 which risks people thinking you\u2019re being a \u201cbaby\u201d, being \u201ctoo sensitive\u201d, or somehow crushing creativity\/stunting the story. Another is to not play games where there is  a risk \u2013 a big shock to me was that some triggers are socially acceptable and sometimes key parts of the game\u2019s setting! You are always at risk of some triggers.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>It\u2019s hard to confront fears and work towards pushing your boundaries when you keep a pristine surrounding and play nothing adventurous. It goes against my nature. I kept looking \u2013 how can I feel safe but still try new things that might scare me?<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>Then I found<\/span> the X-card<\/span><\/a>. It\u2019s just a card with an X on it that you can use to indicate when you\u2019re uncomfortable with content in a game, and it guides the players and GM to skip over or avoid that content. I thought it was awesome! If I feel uncomfortable, I just tap the card! No twenty minutes of explanation, no shoving my feelings under the rug. Mind you, plenty of people hate the idea of playing with one because of the aforementioned crushing creativity and stunting story complaints. But! There is something about the X-card I want to unpack. First, I want to share the other side.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>When I went to OH, Games in December, Kira Scott ran Monsterhearts, and she put out an X-card \u2013 with an O on the back. The O is great, because Kira explained that when you want more of the content, you tap the O instead of the X. The O actually got used in that game \u2013 the X didn\u2019t. In that game, there were at least 3 instances where I thought about using the X, but I didn\u2019t use it. Why? I felt safe enough to not have to.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>Having a tool like the X-card \u2013 particularly one with the opposing O side \u2013 at the table creates a specific kind of mood at the table. It says \u201cWe\u2019re here together. If you need to stop, we\u2019ll stop. But if you want to keep going? Let\u2019s do this.\u201d It encourages a style of gaming that I had not really pursued before \u2013 a knees-deep, heart-pounding headlong run into emotional risk, but the best kind.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>I know that I risk getting hurt if I play like that. If it\u2019s a bad hurt, and I want to stop, I put up the X and I know that the other players will support me in that. They don\u2019t want me to be hurt, I don\u2019t want to hurt them, it\u2019s an understanding that we\u2019re together in this. I haven\u2019t used the X yet, but I am betting there will be a day when I do, because as much as I love confronting my fears, sometimes it\u2019s a matter of time and place.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>But, if it\u2019s a good hurt, one that makes me feel like I\u2019m unlocking something and that I want to feel more of, I tap the O and hold on tight.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>It might make people think \u2013 well, why not just have the O-card? That establishes that people are on the same page, right? Not really. It\u2019s easier to say more, more, yes, please! It\u2019s not as easy to be in a group that\u2019s saying yes! when you can feel yourself closing in and thinking, oh, please, no! That X-card is like a little unwritten rule. It says \u201cEveryone has boundaries. Anyone could need this. It\u2019s here for everyone.\u201d <\/span>It means I\u2019m not alone.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>Do you have a tool like this? Do you have a pre-game prep that establishes trust? How do you handle introducing new players to complicated or uncomfortable topics?<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve decided to put up a trailing backlog of my posts. From now on, after one-two months of my posts being hosted on Gaming as Women, they will be posted here on BravoCharlieSierra. I still suggest directing any comments to the main site, and recommend visiting Gaming as Women to read the articles by other … Continue reading “Gaming as Women – Finding My O with the X-Card”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[390],"tags":[28,17,150,15],"class_list":["post-470","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-archive","tag-briecs-on-design","tag-gaming","tag-gaming-as-women","tag-rpg"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paHOcG-7A","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":483,"url":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2012\/10\/follow-my-posts-at-gaming-as-women\/","url_meta":{"origin":470,"position":0},"title":"Follow my posts at Gaming as Women","author":"Beau J\u00e1gr Sheldon","date":"October 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Check out my most recent blog posts over at Gaming as Women!Paizo Publishing and Pathfinder - Half Orc OriginsSaying \"No\"Gamerati Game Day in Jamestown PATHOUGHTY LOGO \u00a9 JOHN W. 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I still suggest directing any comments to the main site, and recommend visiting Gaming as Women to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Archive"","block_context":{"text":"Archive","link":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/category\/archive\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":472,"url":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2013\/01\/gaming-as-women-how-to-create-a-micro-setting\/","url_meta":{"origin":470,"position":4},"title":"Gaming as Women – How to Create a Micro-Setting","author":"Beau J\u00e1gr Sheldon","date":"January 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I've decided to put up a trailing backlog of my posts. From now on, after one-two months of my posts being hosted on Gaming as Women, they will be posted here on BravoCharlieSierra. I still suggest directing any comments to the main site, and recommend visiting Gaming as Women to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Archive"","block_context":{"text":"Archive","link":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/category\/archive\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":286,"url":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2016\/09\/women-with-initiative-elsa-sjunneson-henry\/","url_meta":{"origin":470,"position":5},"title":"Women with Initiative: Elsa Sjunneson-Henry","author":"Beau J\u00e1gr Sheldon","date":"September 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Hi all! Today's Women with Initiative feature is with Elsa Sjunneson-Henry, a well-known writer, designer, editor, and creator, as well as a accessibility coordinator and consultant for conventions. 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