{"id":473,"date":"2013-01-20T19:33:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-20T19:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2013\/01\/20\/gaming-as-women-evolution-of-the-gaming-group-from-no-kids-to-parenthood-or-not\/"},"modified":"2021-11-16T00:42:10","modified_gmt":"2021-11-16T05:42:10","slug":"gaming-as-women-evolution-of-the-gaming-group-from-no-kids-to-parenthood-or-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/briebeau.com\/thoughty\/2013\/01\/gaming-as-women-evolution-of-the-gaming-group-from-no-kids-to-parenthood-or-not\/","title":{"rendered":"Gaming as Women – Evolution of the Gaming Group – From No Kids to Parenthood… or Not"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve decided to put up a trailing backlog of my posts. From now on, after one-two months of my posts being hosted on Gaming as Women, they will be posted here on BravoCharlieSierra. I still suggest directing any comments to the main site, and recommend visiting Gaming as Women to read the articles by other amazing authors like Filamena Young, Jessica Hammer, Elin Dast\u00e4l, Renee Knipe, and Monica Speca. <\/p>\n

This post was originally posted on Gaming as Women on November 23, 2012.<\/i><\/span>
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Evolution of the Gaming Group \u2013 From No Kids to Parenthood\u2026 or Not<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/b><\/b><\/h1>\n

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I have been married for 6 years. For a 24 year old, that\u2019s actually a while. Most of my friends near my age are just now, or within the past two years, getting married. It\u2019s exciting and great \u2013 the change from single gamers to engaged to partnered (or satisfied relationships, whatever they might be) is kind of awesome, because drama tends to fade away and there\u2019s a level of equality around the table.<\/span><\/b>

<\/span><\/span>A thing happens, though, that can change the group forever:<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>People start having kids.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>Crazy, I know, a totally natural biological phenomena. However, there are a LOT of things that can change. I think it can be easier for people who are just in the no-kids-for-now stage, but for John and I, we\u2019re permanently childfree and it\u2019s a purposeful choice. We have a lot of reasons for it, but I will be honest: one of them is because we like to spend time with adults, not kids, especially during our \u201cfun\u201d time. We have family time where we expect to be around kids, and there are times when we hang out with friends where we expect to be around kids. It gets more complicated at game.<\/span>
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I like to be able to be loud and a little bombastic at the table sometimes \u2013 and I\u2019m definitely not the only one \u2013 and I also swear a lot, which can be seriously kid-unfriendly. I like to be able to have a drink (or three) at the game table, and stay up late. Game is kind of my fun-space. A lot of these things aren\u2019t cool with kids around, though \u2013 I have to watch my swearing, I have to mind my volume more than normal if the kid is sleeping or trying to sleep, and I also know that game will often start late or be cut short because of schedule conflicts (<\/span>1<\/a>)<\/span>.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>I don\u2019t hate my friends\u2019 kids or really begrudge them having them. That\u2019s awesome \u2013 I know a lot of people want families like that and that it\u2019s important to them to pass along their game-love, too. We try to be accommodating (altering schedules, having somewhere for the kid to sleep, playing or doing something different), as do the people with kids, but there are times when there\u2019s no real accommodation \u2013 the kid has to come with them to game, or they can\u2019t game at all.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>It\u2019s often distracting. There\u2019s extra noise, players are leaving the table more often, everyone is paying attention to the kid. When kids are older it\u2019s not as bad, but until they\u2019re teenagers, it\u2019s going to be a constant.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>We\u2019re struggling. We still want to game \u2013 but we know it\u2019s only a matter of time until we\u2019re the only ones in the group without kids. Even now it\u2019s harder than ever. We\u2019re clinging to spare hours just to get a chance to do a quick session, and our games are falling apart because of lack of focus \u2013 and I know I\u2019m guilty of a lot of avoidance on the subject. Kids are tough for me and I have trouble being around pregnant people, babies, and baby discussion (<\/span>2<\/a>)<\/span>.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>Plus, how do you not alienate your friends if you\u2019re more than a game group? It\u2019s impossible to say \u201cHey, we want to hang out with you, but not your kid\u201d or \u201cHey, can we just hang out instead of gaming, or game without the kid\u201d without there being any negative impression. I don\u2019t want to not be their friend anymore, but having children at game (particularly young kids who can\u2019t participate) impacts my fun level pretty harshly.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>My current solution is: still try to game with our friends, but seek out alternate groups for backups or for different games, and be prepared to accommodate kids. I know I will sometimes (or often) have to sacrifice my game fun, so I need alternatives to get that fulfillment while not ditching my friends.<\/span>
As we age, though, we\u2019re going to run into conflict: Game with people much older than us (whose kids have grown), much younger than us (without kids yet), try very hard to find other childfree gamers (which is harder than it sounds), or just game the two of us \u2013 fun, but not something we want to be our only option.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why am I struggling so hard?<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>The gaming world is shockingly (to me) kid-centric. People want to include their kids in gaming, teach their kids to game, pass on the \u201cgaming gene\u201d. They want kid-friendly content. I don\u2019t have a problem with it, and I know there is plenty of adult material out there, but whoa. It\u2019s hard to wade through. It\u2019s hard to feel like part of the community sometimes, especially when a lot of the adult material is pretty man-centric.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>That, and I still struggle with the common perception that women who choose not to have children aren\u2019t \u201cwoman\u201d enough, because we\u2019re selfish or not accepting our appropriate roles or because we aren\u2019t helping to promote the image of families in gaming (which is supposed to help remove the negative geek\/gamer stigma, and I see the point behind it).<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>And there it is: I\u2019m a woman who is not woman enough, in an industry focused towards men (whether I want it that way or not) and promoting building families and teaching kids to carry on the gaming tradition, with a game group that\u2019s moving to parenthood.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>I wanted to share some of the suggestions I\u2019ve gotten online and from friends, as well as some of my own, for how to game with parents when you aren\u2019t one if you choose to do so \u2013 which is always just an option.<\/span>

<\/span><\/span>Suggestions for handling kids at kid-unfriendly homes:<\/span>

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