Tag: personal decisions

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, or, What to Do When You’re Living the Dream…But?

Today, I am 30 years old, I work in my dream job teaching leadership using games, and I make $0.85/hour.*

Leading with Class, in case you don’t know (most people don’t!), is my YouTube show where I teach about leadership using roleplaying games. It’s the dream job I made real for myself through a lot of hard work and the support of my loving, and incredibly talented, partner John. It also still doesn’t feel much like a dream come true, because it comes with some overwhelming “but”‘s.

I get to teach leadership…but it’s not in a respected role.
I get to teach using games…but it’s not seen as “fun.”
I get to work from home…but I can’t pay my bills.
I get to work with my partner…but he doesn’t get paid any better than I do.
I get to share my vision with the world…but almost no one watches my channel.

In 2014, I made the decision to continue my pursuit of an education and get my degree in organizational leadership. From there, I continued on to graduate school and got a degree in leadership – and over that two year period, experienced continued health and career setbacks that left me unemployed at graduation. My job became Thoughty – and Thoughty is still my actual primary income. All $300-ish a month, maybe. I have ten years of career experience that the lessons learned can apply to my work in leadership, but no one wants someone who was mostly an admin in a position of leadership, and my health disallows a full time job.

So, whatever, fine, I said. I’ll make my job. With John’s encouragement (and from my other partner, Dillon), I started working on scripts for Leading with Class. Even now, it feels endlessly selfish, and working on Leading with Class instead of trying to dig through thousands of jobs to find at least one that pays $15/hr. and only requires 25 hours a week felt irresponsible. But I did it while still doing freelance work (as I am now) and Thoughty, and it was so wonderful to make something that meant so much to me!

What was less wonderful was the lack of feedback and viewership. I am incredibly grateful for the Leading with Class patrons on Patreon – honestly, it means the world to me that anyone would support this work. But it’s still extremely quiet. On all of our videos combined – all of them – we have fewer than 350 views. I’ve shared on LinkedIn, Facebook, G+, Twitter, Mastadon, and Instagram, and of course, they’re on YouTube. I’ve done streams on Twitch to garner interest, answering questions and writing the script live to engage viewers.

We have three comments on all of our YouTube videos combined.

Now, we’re lucky enough to have followers and subscribers on our various media accounts! There’s just really low engagement. I know we’re kind of a niche interest, but I’ve only ever seen (personally) fewer than 5 total shares of Leading with Class content outside of my own personal shares, John’s shares, and the dedicated shares of some of my close friends on G+. Most shares aren’t accompanied by any positive recommendation, either.

And you know, yes, this does sound like whining. But as a creator, as a person who struggles with impostor syndrome and serious anxiety and depression, and as a person, I think it’s essential that my viewers and readers know me as a real person, and that they know the truth. The truth is, creating the thing that means the world to me, living the “dream” like I am, is heavily dented by struggling to make it through financially every day and hearing basically silence when it comes to my work.

I am used to silence when it comes to my work. People don’t link and share my site(s) or my work very often, and this has been notoriously challenging for me. I struggle with professional envy, seeing others get praised while I can barely get a retweet at times. But I thought, with Leading with Class it will be different! Even if it makes no money, even if it gets no press, I’ll be making something meaningful. I’ll be using my degree to do what I wanted the most!

But if a YouTuber makes an amazing video and no one watches it, does it functionally exist at all?

When one of my key purposes with Leading with Class is to educate, and there are no new viewers, who is really learning? If one of the necessary aspects of so-called “edutainment” is that it is spread broadly and enjoyed by an audience, have I created anything really at all? Did I get hit on the head by a backdrop while recovering from a brain injury and struggle to put words together to make episodes and even my best friends, people I respect and admire, haven’t watched a single episode?

This is the episode where we stopped using the backdrop because it fell on my head. Such a headache!

And I suppose it does often just burn me that John puts in so much work to make these episodes look beautiful, to make me look and sound competent, even through brain injury problems, and yet as of this writing, only 22 people saw our latest video? The lovely work he did? That makes me so sad! I feel I’m wasting his time. This thing that is meaningful to both of us feels injured by the quiet, by the feeling that we are working so hard, this is so good, it means so much, it should go far and silence.

I do try to bolster with every like our videos and posts get, and absolutely I could be posting more often. But the hype machine only does so much when no one else turns the gears.

And I don’t want people to think I hate making the videos or I don’t think they matter. I do think they matter, and I love them, and love creating them! I had to take a hiatus in July because my recovery from my brain injury (sustained last November) was taking a long time and writing and filming while trying to also do freelance work and get through recovery was just not working. I struggled so much, and I cried so hard about taking a hiatus! It would doom the show, I knew it, and what if we could never start back to it?

But we did, even though I’m still in recovery. Even though the cats insist on interrupting our shoots.

And I’m spurred, truly, to keep working on the project. I want to take it further – I mapped out a second series, and a mini-episode series. I’m even getting the chance to do my first workshop at Big Bad Con – one huge part of Leading with Class that hasn’t progressed far yet, but would mean the world to me to make bigger and broader. This is my dream.

I am a game designer, and love designing games – I want to keep doing that. And Thoughty is still important to me! But Leading with Class is a dream that I feel could make a difference! If it could just… grow. I know I need to work harder, I always do, but I have always worked best with the enthusiasm of others encouraging my progress, and John cannot carry all of that weight. He isn’t my audience.

I suppose, what I’m trying to say is, it is very hard to do the thing you love and feel unfulfilled by it. The perils of relying on others! But we are, as they say, a community, so I think a lot of people could understand what I’m feeling here, so I felt like I needed to finally speak these words clearly, so you don’t feel alone and so you don’t feel like your work is meaningless. Leading with Class isn’t meaningless, and your work that feels like it’s floundering has meaning, too.

So what the heck am I gonna do about this?

First, I’m going to keep writing scripts, filming, hopefully streaming, and doing workshops. I’m going to finish the first season of the show with the full twelve episodes, no matter what.

Second, I’m going to try to do better about promoting the show and increase my social media presence, as hard as that can be.

Third, I’m going to continue to be honest in how I approach this work and my purposes with Leading with Class. I’m never going to bullshit you about the work I’m doing, and I will continue to be transparent.

And fourth, finally, I’m going to be grateful for those of you who are here, who do support me and Leading with Class, and try to keep that in mind when the gremlins come to fight in my mind. I can’t let them win. I’m the winner here!

Thank you for reading, for watching, and for every moment of your being. The world is a better place because of you, even when you think it’s not. And hey. Come join me — in Leading with Class. <3

*For those curious about the time John and I spend on a given episode, here’s a breakdown.

Brie’s time investment per episode
~10 hours research
~5 hours script writing
~1 hours rehearsal
~3 hours filming
= ~19 hours

John’s time investment per episode
~1 hour research support
~1 hour script review
~1 hour rehearsal
~3 hour filming
~5 hour editing
~3 hour graphics and animation
= ~14

Total investment = ~33 hours per episode.

The Patreon currently sits at $28/episode.

We aren’t stopping, though. 🙂

—

Check out Leading with Class on YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram. For questions about the show, email leadingwithclass@gmail.com.

Thoughty is supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs. Tell your friends!

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You Can Talk All You Want

On the subject of Cartel and the disclaimer I put on the interview:

I was enforcing my blog policies. I have a private policy that if I receive a complaint about a post and its not blatant trolling, I  post a disclaimer with what happened. I’ve done it before. It’s never caused a mess before. But hey! You know my secret! I have policies I enforce!

Here’s the thing I want to be clear.

I am not saying whether someone is the right person to write anything, but I do think that people it impacts deserve to be heard. I am not saying whether a game should be made, but I do think it’s worthwhile to consider the perspectives of the people affected by the game if they are alive and accessible. 

I repeatedly say that we should ask ourselves whose stories we tell, and I’ve talked about changing games entirely to reduce negative impact when considering social issues. I have absolutely asked whether a game is a net positive. I have asked people to explain how their perspective adds value to the product they’re making, and whether they have considered others’ experiences. I ask that we look at what we’re doing and why we do it. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, considering how people claim games are so important and impactful and useful for education. 
I have not, however, led harassment campaigns, led my actions with the intent of causing financial or social harm to someone, or bombarded people significantly enough to cause them panic attacks and fear – that I know of. I have not told anyone they’re not valid, or said anyone should absolutely do or not do anything. If I have and don’t remember, I’m really fucking sorry. I am trying to be better. 
I have no intention to cause harm or upset to anyone involved with this, and that includes anyone who objected to the development of the game.
I’m not saying anyone involved in this has done or is doing these things. I’m just responding to some of the accusations flung my way. I wasn’t given any time to investigate what has been brought up before the messages started flying.
When someone says to me that something being created offends or distresses them for a reason I find valid (and yes, “I find the depiction of a current violent and active conflict that is immediately relevant to me offensive” is a reason I consider valid), or if it is relevant to an ethical issue or something similar, I will put up a disclaimer. I notify the designer if appropriate, and investigate what I can to see if it’s a deeper issue.
There we go. Final notes:

– I have no responsibility to host debates on my blog.
– I have no intention to ever reveal the identity of a reporting party or to demand that they justify their position. 
– I will continue my policy.
– I will not receive further messages about this with anything further than an archive button.
– I will not be investigating further because the information I found during the multi-platform messaging and searching has resulted in my decision to leave the post as-is.
Thanks!

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To leave some cash in the tip jar, go to http://paypal.me/thoughty.

If you’d like to be interviewed for Thoughty, or have a project featured, email contactbriecs@gmail.com.

Love, Joy, Empathy, and Why I I’m Not Giving Up

Last night I had the awesome experience of going to see Mikey Neumann’s Movies with Mikey Live, courtesy of my friend Anders as a 30th birthday gift. Mikey reviews films and is a video game writer, and he is one of my favorite people. It was amazing – I laughed, I cried, and it hit some nerves in important ways.
There are a few things Mikey said that made an impact more than all the rest, and some of them weren’t just a few words. I’m gonna go through the hard ones first then roll it back to good. This will relate to games, I swear.
—
Mikey at one point asked, “how many of you have been alone with your thoughts for two months?”
I raised my hand (I think there were two or three of us). When he said it, my mind rubberbanded – shot backwards and snapped forward. When my husband John was deployed in Iraq, I lived alone for over a year in an unfamiliar neighborhood. I shut myself inside, I tried to vent it out in journals or on places like LiveJournal that was mostly screaming into a void, but I couldn’t escape my own mind.
My mental health deteriorated rapidly, and my physical health didn’t do well – I’d lock myself in the house for days. I saw people, but it wasn’t broken until I sat on the floor of my mom’s house, completely delusional and fully in belief that the world was ending. I sobbed for hours and sat in terror of what would come and my biggest fear, the scariest thing about an apocalypse, was that I might live and be alone with myself forever.
That fear hasn’t faded. It’s still scary to me, and I worry that my being a trash fire to be around will make that a reality – my behavior and incompetence will lead to my partners and friends deserting me, because I know I would desert me.
So there was that.
Then Mikey talked about his experiences in the hospital when he had his frankly terrifying event last year. I have not been hospitalized long term, but the facts of physically deteriorating, not having diagnoses, and sudden onset symptoms are familiar – and the experience he described is one I desperately fear. Every time I have a twinge in my back, a cold, a night where waking up seems like the worst option. So it shook me up, just like listening to him talk about things close to this before. I cried a lot.
I’m struggling right now because every thing that goes wrong just wrecks me. I made one mistake at work the other day and just destroyed myself over it for hours. I’m still thinking about it. I struggled with design work and almost bailed out on a contract because I can’t look at my own work and see value. I told myself I wasn’t allowed a birthday because I don’t deserve it.
So that also happened.
Mikey also, earlier, had talked about altering perspectives, helping people see movies in different ways that might change how they feel about them. He talked about Deep Dive, and it reminded me how I wished he would do a do-over of the Jupiter Ascending episode because John said it wasn’t nice and that I would get upset. See, I love Jupiter Ascending, and it’s often hard to get people to see the good in it. But it made me think about how our first tries are often not our best ones. That gave me a little shiver of hope. Over the past few years I’ve nearly shut down this blog and quit games multiple times, after my work continued to be inadequate and the blog floundered. I don’t want to end things, but my self-loathing and lack of success has been heavy. But maybe if I keep trying?
Then he talked about the important part – love, joy, empathy.
I honestly can’t remember everything he said. I was so overwhelmed. A lot of people might know that I’ve been struggling with my mental and physical health for a long time, and one of the ways I’ve tried to do that is to try to be kinder.
I’m an angry person. I always have been, angry, ready to fight, every day. I’m bitter and fiery and it’s exhausting. But ever since the Dark Years, I’ve been trying so hard to be better.
I worked on not calling people names and swearing at them. I disengaged from relationships that allowed my anger to grow and fester. I preached to be kinder, to love people, and I asked people to stop hurting people.
But lately, I have not done this. I have been exhausted, surrounded by everyone else’s anger, boiling in hurt every day by the words of my friends, colleagues, and the people who control my life. My work makes me angry. School makes me angry. I am so angry all of the time, and it turns into this cycle of self loathing because I don’t want to be angry, but it often feels like my only alternative is sadness.
My doctors have told me that a happy medium will always be a challenge for me, and that experiencing joy will be fraught because it’ll be hard to find and the crash can often be very brutal. I’m glad they told me, but it’s something I struggle with because it’s true.
I need to change that. I may never normalize to happy, and I might not be able to be joyful without a crash. But that has to be okay. It must be. With that in mind, I’m reflecting on how I pursue games and create them, and how I engage with the community.
Love
– I will give my love freely in all ways, even if it’s just a general love of humanity.
– I will try to ensure that love is a part of my games, encouraged and recognized.
– I will remember that hate is less effective than love.
Joy
– I will have more fun! I want to find at least one fun thing a week to enjoy, in games or out.
– I will support joyful games, bring attention, and encourage more joyful games to be made.
– I will put joy out, too, by trying to post more about good in my life, including the positive work I’m doing in design.
Empathy
– I will support those in my community who struggle in the ways I can.
– I will continue to fight against injustice, and against harassment, and try to find opportunities to change our landscape to support those in need.
– I will let go of bitterness against those who have wronged me.
—
The last of those is one I have already started pursuing, with my apology weekend where I asked people to apologize to me freely, without any given reason, and I forgave everyone who did. It was revolutionary for me.
I have realized, just while thinking on this, that my recent deep struggles might not be solved by these efforts, but that it doesn’t actually matter. This isn’t about fixing me, or anyone else.
It’s about living.
<3

Playing with Identity (x-posted Imaginary Funerals)

This post has been crossposted from the Imaginary Funerals blog that has since been discontinued. Posts are hosted on the Imaginary Funerals G+ page.

There will soon be a follow-up post to this, so keep an eye out!


PLAYING WITH IDENTITY (link to main host)

by +Brie Sheldon (originally posted 8, 2014)

So like, there’s this thing about growing up in small rural towns that are filled with blue collar workers and legacy families and all that jazz. It’s insular and you don’t always learn about stuff outside of your own little reality. You end up getting taught some pretty weird stuff.

Like racism.

Sexism.

Bigotry.

These are the kind of things that you learn, often without the intent of your parents (at least in my generation). Sometimes it’s the influence of other relatives. Sometimes it’s just the fucking culture.

Where I grew up, there were white people for days but not so many people of color hidden in there. Those that were around were probably not treated much better than they were talked about, which wasn’t so good.

Being different was a mark. One of my fellow 4-Hers and a friend of the family was a lesbian, and my only real exposure to homosexuality except TV and the internet (which I later discovered had LOTS of information on homosexuality, and everything else). She was treated like an oddity – something to be observed and commented on. Some people treated her like a human being, but enough didn’t, including me for a while.

Where I grew up, gender roles were pretty fixed and solid. Playing with what gender feels like is something I started doing shortly after I started gaming. I would play men, or androgynous characters (before I even knew what androgyny really was). I played them more than I played women (although I’d later learn that some of that was due to some internalized misogyny). It wasn’t until I started writing for Gaming as Women and met some awesome trans folks that I had the shocking realization that maybe I wasn’t stuck being a girl in the strict sense of the word.

I have no desire to transition. I’m as fine with my body as a woman with low self esteem in this age can be. But, I don’t always feel like a girl (or woman, as I finally allow myself to be called sometimes), and it took some heartfelt talks and some experimenting with characters in-game to realize that it was okay. I can’t help but feel that maybe someone else might have had the same kind of experience, and I want to say “hey, isn’t it cool to find out that feeling like something other than what you thought you had to be is okay?”

And sexuality, whoa, buddy.

I realized I liked girls when I was in my early teens. Maybe 12? 13? I remember the very night it happened. I also remember that shortly after that night, rumors spread that I was a lesbian, and shut down any of my hopes that I might be accepted like I thought my 4-Her friend was. I was confused further by still liking boys, just the same as I liked girls.

I explored some of the feelings I was having in Harry Potter fandom text-based roleplay. The characters I played had fluid sexuality for the most part, and while I had to keep it totally secret from everyone I knew, that roleplay experience was a safe space for me to explore who I was and what sex was to me.

I was still really ashamed of my sexuality, and I’m only just coming through that period, but one big thing that helped was the community of acceptance I found surrounding certain parts of gaming. There are people who are openly kinky or poly or gay or all three, and hell no, you do not find that often in rural Pennsylvania.

I played some Monsterhearts, which was actually kind of a huge deal for me. I had ruled out sex and relationships in RPGs because it made me uncomfortable, but a few sessions of Monsterhearts and I was looking at things differently.

Most recently, I’ve been getting schooled by some pretty brilliant people on race. I have learned that there is no real difference in ability between me and people of different races. I have learned that other modern cultures than mine not only exist, but are rich and complex. I learned that class and race intersect (and that your race should not mean you are forced into a specific class or that you belong in a specific class), and that gender intersects with both of them. These might sound simple and like common sense, but they weren’t, to me.

What I’m trying to say here is that gaming and the gaming community has opened up my perspectives and shattered my assumptions. It’s allowed me to play away from type and find secrets that I kept even from myself. It’s even helped me learn how to respect other people and their differences from me.

And that’s awesome.

This post is free, but Thoughty is supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs. Tell your friends!

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Talk about Geek Culture

I hear a lot about Geek Culture, and I know a lot of Geeks and a lot of geeks. I wanted to kind of ruminate (really navel-gaze) about what Geek is and what geek is and who takes on that label. This is all just my stuff so I don’t really care too much if people agree, I just felt like writing it.

First, I don’t think anyone has to be a geek or that they should be labeled one without wanting to be one. I do think that people can participate in Geek culture without being a geek or a Geek.

Let’s clarify some stuff (these are my descriptions and definitions only):

Geek Culture = the overarching media and social constructs surrounding enthusiasts and Geeks/geeks.

Geek = someone who is a geek and active participant in Geek Culture. When used as “a Geek (thing)” or “Geeky”, something that is mainstream geek, common to a larger majority of the community, or something that is geeky.

geek/enthusiast = a person who enjoys media or activities and participates actively in enjoyment, whether it is sharing experiences with others or simply investing time and/or money in their hobby or interest. A person can be an enthusiast without being a geek, but rarely a geek without being an enthusiast, and geek is a self-identified label. When used as “a geek (thing)” or “geeky”, something that is any type of hobby or preoccupation, any level of commonality in the community, but not necessarily part of the larger Geek community.

fan = a person who enjoys a thing or activity, with varying levels of interest.

Not all geeks are Geeks but all Geeks are geeks, geeks can be fans but not all fans are geeks, all geeks are enthusiasts but not all enthusiasts are geeks, and so on.

As an example, I’m a Geek and a geek and a fan. I consume mainstream geek media like Star Trek and Star Wars and Harry Potter, and actively participate in the enjoyment – I share it with friends, I talk about the meaning and theories addressed in the media, and I invest money in clothing, jewelry, posters, etc. about these things. I’m an RPG geek, not just playing but also discussing theory and investing money into the products, and a participant in the overall gaming community. Someone just the same as me might say that they’re just a geek, or just an enthusiast, or just a fan, but they have the option of a narrower label.

I think one of the big problems right now is that one, we’re applying the geek or Geek label to people or things without it necessarily fitting. See, someone can be a geek about football but not consider themselves a geek, instead using the label of fan. However, someone who is a fan of football might consider themselves a sports geek, because they know the gritty details of the statistics, details about the players, and other things that indicate a deeper level of involvement.

Sometimes people are geeks or enthusiasts because of their profession – academics, experts – but don’t use the geek moniker because it has a negative component for a lot of people. Geek was used as an insult and has a kind of yucky history, and some people don’t want the label because of that. That’s totally okay! They don’t have to be geeks! We can think of them in that context to understand them, but that doesn’t make them geeks – you can’t be a geek without consent. This is part of why the Fake Geek meme is so outrageous. Geek is a self-applied label, so telling someone they aren’t a geek or that they don’t do enough of whatever you think they should do to be a geek is utter nonsense. Just as someone can behave in a manner of a geek and not call themselves a geek, someone can behave in a manner not like a geek and still call themselves a geek. 

Another problem is that geek has become Geek – mainstream – in many arenas. Geekiness carries so much baggage that being a part of the mainstream or there even being mainstream geeks or Geeks is just weird, man. Geeks are used to being separate from the norm, a niche market, outcasts. Now we have TV shows that feature geeks prominently and often not flatteringly. Non-geeks adopt our image – geeky references on t-shirts, black rimmed glasses, even attaching themselves to our media and our gadgets. 
We feel defensive. I feel it, too, even though some might consider me a Fake Geek, when people on the periphery claim, “I’m such a geek!” when in my mind, they’re really a “Geek”. They’re enthusiasts and consumers but they are more than that a part of the larger Geek Culture. They might like Avengers (the film) and have never picked up a comic in their life, and that’s cool! They can be a part of Geek Culture. They can consider themselves geeks, big or little G, because it’s perception that matters. How you perceive yourself – a geek, an enthusiast, a fan, or a Geek – is what matters, not how I look at you, or some stranger looks at you. You judge if your amount of investment into something counts enough to make you a geek. 
Geek Culture has some biiiig problems, though. One, the Fake Geek thing, which I’ve addressed above, is total bullshit and needs to die die die. Two, there’s still so much rampant sexism and racism and classism. 
Classism? Yeah, I said it. Being a Geek costs money a lot of the time, and because collector items often require a lot of investment (and sometimes geeky endeavors in general take a lot of time and money), it can give people the impression that if you don’t have the funds to participate in all of geek/Geek, you aren’t allowed to be a Geek. Maybe someone only saw Avengers and doesn’t buy the comics because they only have a small allowance and $4 comic books multiple times a month really add up, but seeing one movie this summer at the shitty local theater was just affordable. They can still be a geek if they want to, because we shouldn’t have a buy in to be a geek. Geek isn’t a country club!
Racism and sexism? You can’t throw an Xbox without hitting an article about the sexism and racism in Geek Culture. From video games to movies to comics to historical reenactments – these things are pervasive in normal society, and geek communities have no special exception. The thing is, we all should care enough about this community and about the media we consume to actually give a fuck about changing it. 
What we consume as Geeks or geeks or fans or enthusiasts, whatever label you want to put on it, contributes to the image we present as people or as members of Geek Culture. And we need to change it. If people look at us and see these negative aspects first and foremost, it gives all of us a bad name, and that’s part of why people deny identification. Geeks shouldn’t be known for being assholes or ignorant. We should strive to make our fandoms and our interests look better, not be negligent or dismissive and make them look worse. 
But, so many of us don’t. After all, it’s just a game! It’s just a movie! It’s just a comic! 
It’s just a huge part of our lives. 

Just some stuff to think on.

<3,

BCS







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Rekindling the Everlasting Flame: An Open Letter to Wil Wheaton, Thanks for the Memories of the Futurecast

When my husband and I first met, I was about as far from a fan of Star Trek as you could possibly imagine. I enjoyed sci fi movies and shows, but rarely watched them unless my father put them on the television. I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and we generally stuck to Star Wars and Dune when it came to getting our geek on.

At first, he basically forced me to watch it – I was bored and uninterested (although I will admit, the original series and movies still are a bit of a struggle to get through for me). The Next Generation was different, though. It was interesting, and I became a serious Data and Picard fangirl. I would watch what they were in and when they were on, and that was the extent. A lot of the time I hated the other characters – Troi, Riker, and Wesley were my mental punching bags, but I had a soft spot for Worf and Geordie. The characters I disliked were basically just a target of adolescence – I was only sixteen or so. I read the hilarious fanfiction, watched the first season and movies, but fell away from it as soon as he stopped making me watch it.

I recently started watching The Guild, and I enjoyed it immensely, and between the show and Twitter, I was led over to Wil Wheaton’s blog and tweets. I read some posts, but like everything before, drifted off and forgot it. I saw the new Star Trek movie, and it was amazing, but I still felt kind of neutral towards the original shows and TNG… until my husband loaded up the Memories of the Futurecast.

It was an entirely new way to experience Star Trek. It made fun of the silly things in a loving way, but brought light to things I had missed when watching the show – nuances of the writing, plot pieces I hadn’t even recognized. After hearing the podcasts, my husband and I stayed up late to catch reruns on television of the first season – and suddenly, Star Trek wasn’t something dorky that used to be boring and no fun before the new film, it was something I enjoyed. The “Data & Picard show” was suddenly filled with a full cast of interesting characters, ones that I wanted to see a beginning, middle, and end of stories.

I have listened to every podcast of Memories of the Futurecast released thus far, and it’s built a new connection between my husband and I – something we can share and enjoy together – and it’s also allowed me something I never thought I would have. I’m okay with being a geek. I’m even happy about it! If the people who love these things, and people like Wil Wheaton and Fecilia Day are the people who I am in good company with by loving Star Trek and D&D and video games, then that is where I want to be.

Thank you, Wil Wheaton, and all of the other geeks who have opened up and taught me by example how awesome being a geek can be. FTW!