Containment and Categorization of Emotions & Memories
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2023
In the green and overgrown hills and valleys, there are a series of caverns beneath the ground. Many years ago, these caverns were carved out and made into a secure storage location. Inside, there are full size locations with marble stairwells and arches, document archives, even some legendary vaults with highly desired media within. In this ritual, you are now the owner of this colloquially-called Arn Mountain and within it, you can store all of your memories, emotions, and experiences in whatever form you deem appropriate.
You can traverse it in your golf cart, stopping at each location as you need, and take things out or put things inside the various safes, secure locations, or display shelves. When you’re done inside, you can exit the facility, locking the door behind you physically and electronically. The facility is huge, and even if you recorded every moment of your life, you would never run out of space for each record, and it is almost as if the space expands as you need it to hold what you must.
This location is one of the most seismically and natural-disaster secure locations in the entirety of North America. No outside force will interfere with what you put inside the mountain. It will not be shaken, broken, burned, or invaded, and is truly a safe place. No one else can enter it without your permission, and you can revoke access to it for anyone, at any time. Because of this, you have complete power over the mountain, and can go into it whenever you wish, or keep it locked and protected when you prefer.
For this ritual, you will either describe or conceptualize Arn Mountain, identify how you will store some of your memories and emotions within the mountain, and you will also identify some key items you keep in the Glass Globes protected inside the mountain.
The lines after each prompt can be used as pacing, with a breath in or out for each line, when read aloud. The headers are guidance for completing this as a written, nonverbal prompt, and do not need to be read aloud.
This is bleak, to a degree, and will discuss: the COVID-19 pandemic, mental & physical illness & disability, politics, nihilism, financial details and sales, and community-related trauma (perpetrators of harm, business ethics). However, I want to be transparent about my motivations for leaving the capitalistic, financially relevant industry of games and my step back from the community around it.
This is bleak, to a degree, and will discuss: the COVID-19 pandemic, mental & physical illness & disability, politics, nihilism, financial details and sales, and community-related trauma (perpetrators of harm, business ethics). However, I want to be transparent about my motivations for leaving the capitalistic, financially relevant industry of games and my step back from the community around it.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021
The State of It All
The world, contrary to some song lyrics, is not a vampire. It is a wasteland we have made ourselves. The world is not sucking blood from us, we have instead reaped as much as we like and never sown anything not dripping with toxic waste or colonial intention. The “we” here is obviously largely white, largely capitalist, and disturbingly fascist even if we struggle to fight against it.
The past US presidential term, this US presidential term, & the pandemic have shown me, a disabled, queer, trans, nonbinary, neurodivergent, mentally ill person, that most people do not care if I live or die. They do not care if I struggle or stress. They don’t care if I have healthcare, a safe home, a functioning set of lungs, or food to eat. Not just me, but anyone who is marginalized, and especially Black people, people of color, and indigenous people.
As someone who grew up conservative, I had grown to know that people who were different were treated badly and weren’t respected. What really shocked me in the past several years is that even protecting the whole of humanity doesn’t matter to so many people, even protecting themselves doesn’t matter, so long as the status quo is maintained, money is made for those with the most of it, and white supremacy maintains its stranglehold. Conspiracies, lies, and harm that I had seen in many small ways was clearly on a much larger scale – alongside the rising anti-trans sentiment, constant violence against Black people by police & civilians, anti-Indigenous action including violence and neglect, the handling of immigration & refugees, anti-vaccination movements, pushes against fair labor practices within organizations, and rampant sexual harassment and assault are just the endless nightmare of the world we live in. Oh, also our oceans have literally been on fire, along with endless acres of land.
I’ve talked before about my personal state – mental health struggles, physical disability, having to basically give up my career plans after spending tens of thousands of dollars on school, being repeatedly affected by the actions of perpetrators of harm, & unfair pay. I have fucked up myself – between my health making it hard to fulfill project promises at times, my struggles to communicate & my loss of function during illness resulting in offense or misunderstanding, plus inability to cope with technological issues & cognitive struggles resulting in miscommunication or missed opportunities. No matter how much I want to be doing well, even with therapy, attempts to apologize or account for my errors, medication & treatment, I can’t exist in the world like I want to, because of who and how I am, and because of how the world really is.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
You might ask, what the fuck does this have to do with games?
Let me be clear, it has fucking everything to do with games.
Game design is a creative space for me, and when I am feeling like shit, and constantly living in fear, exhaustion, pain, and shame, I can’t do creative stuff like I want to. It’s so hard to survive in this world, especially when I know that to be successful, not only do I have to navigate all of the predatory behavior & bad business ethics that are just painfully rampant in games, but I also have to put on a façade that hides everything I’m struggling with, try to avoid offending or annoying any of the people with actual power and influence in the industry, AND figure out how to magic up energy to be constantly promoting, constantly looking for more work, while constantly trying to improve all of my skills (and develop new ones, which is super challenging for me now).
And like, yes, every fucking game designer or artist or freelancer lives this shit. The challenges for some of them are far greater than me, for others it’s not as much. It’s very exhausting and stressful and the financial & success disparity between the larger companies (many of which engage in practices or business decisions I disagree with & do harm to the industry and gamers in general) and small creators is a slap in the face, especially when I see a lot of smaller creators who end up either needing to or feeling like they need to just suck it up and suck up to try to get a single fucking scrap of that success. It’s not fair to them and it’s unnecessarily beneficial to those up top.
Everyone in this industry also gets the constant threat of harassment, constant battles of social media & internet debate and discourse, and that ever so exciting commentary about how indie games are so overpriced while people drool over luxury sets of hardcover books filled with shoddy photomanips or prejudice laced narratives, sometimes both, maybe with some extra “this can’t be shipped until after the cardboard shortage” components. When so many designers I know are literally just trying to afford a fucking meal, it is vile to watch, and I have lost the capacity to fight it actively and to watch my colleagues suffer deeply while I’m also struggling.
I have had some boons in the past year – my spouse has a slightly better job, I found a way to exchange some work to help afford massively helpful medical treatment, & I have avoided direct COVID impact (I lost my grandmother, and my dad got COVID, but we’ve been lucky). We’ve still had a lot of health & wellbeing issues (for all three in my polycule), repeated issues with our ancient house, and everything feels constantly delicate – like even the slightest thing that goes wrong will destroy everything, because there is no support, there is no infrastructure, and I can’t even keep up with design work or work a regular job to help contribute. It’s exhausting and terrifying.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
The Plan
Next year, my goal is to not work towards capitalism. While I will continue my work at the resin shop I help at, & I have some small admin type tasks I do, any creative work I do will not be targeted towards sales or income.
I am extremely aware that this is a privileged choice, but I also am aware that even with all of my disabilities & mental illnesses, I can’t get on disability, and I also can’t fucking work reliably. I’d still like to try to build skills, continue my recovery (recoveries, really), and do creative work, even if I can’t contribute to society or my household in any meaningful way. I’d like to find even a scrap of joy in daily life, or in my activities. Trying to market my work, which is necessary to make sales, or market myself, which is necessary to get hired, feels hopeless, exhausting, and hasn’t succeeded much so far.
The things I hope I get to work on?
I still want to do game design, I have some projects that I’ve been slowly working on but too exhausted to engage with deeply. Carheart Nosferatu, some Script Change stuff, I dunno. We’ll see, but it’s on the list.
I am doing some more hands-on work, like drawing, painting, and making miniature diorama type stuff, as well as working in the shop. I’m hoping to get better at them! I built a fairy house that I’m planning to gift to friends, but want to make more! Plus I miss sculpting a lot.
I want to work more actively on my photography, doing more boudoir shoots for the kind of people who don’t normally get that kind of opportunity but absolutely deserve it, plus more nature photography, and maybe trying some video work. I even have some ideas for some Leading with Class video work, which would be amazing to get back to.
All of this with hopefully less time being absorbed in stressful online conversations, less paranoia & anxiety about who to trust or whether I’m fully understanding complex conversations or whether I’m failing to communicate effectively (and my career depending on it), and hopefully a lot more time to spend with my partners.
A Reflection on Financials
I wanted to just have a bit here to give context to what I’ve actually been earning in games, because that is very relevant to the weighing of scales I’ve done leading to the decision to step back. I’m going to share some data in text, plus some in screenshots in slideshows that I hope will actually work.
The first thing is my sales on DriveThruRPG. I didn’t download this year’s data in part because it’s, uh, kind of painful to look at, but from our tax downloads last year, I calculated that all of my games resulted in me receiving a $40.09 payout for 2020 (around $300 in sales went to The Trevor Project directly for sales of Of the Woods, over 30 copies), with 3 sales of Turn/Towns Like Ours and one of Let Me Take a Selfie. I will likely be putting up my upcoming Turn supplement on DTRPG (with work from Fabby Garza and Jan Martin, among all the results of the Kickstarter rewards like new towns & archetypes), intended to be a charitable project donating to an Indigenous charity, and DTRPG is so far the only place I know that can donate directly instead of me having to juggle it. That’s the biggest value for me.
For all of my sales at Indie Press Revolution to date, I have had a total of $1173 in sales (that’s gross, I think). That was around 60 copies of Turn, and one copy of Behind the Masc. I am very grateful to be able to distribute through them, and for all of the promotion IPR has done on my behalf, so I’ll still be keeping my print copies & bigger project PDFs there.
Finally, my itch.io sales, which are… a mixed bag. Script Change does pretty well, but that’s most of it, and I’ll let the screenshots here do some of the work. I’ve included screenshots of my payouts, each game or product I’ve released with its dashboard showing the graphs for the longest period of time I could of views/downloads/etc., and all the bundles I participated in (all but the BBC Bundle, the Queer Games Bundle, the Epimas bundles, the One-Shot Megabundle, and the Disabled Designers bundles are charity bundles I did not receive funds from), plus sales, payments, etc. over the past year..
All of Beau’s payouts for itch.io.
Totals for all products on Beau’s itch.io.
2021 Monthly gross revenue.
2021 payments.
Downloads and views for Beau’s itch.io.
All of the bundles Beau has been in.
Dashboard stats for Beep.
Dashboard stats for Behind the Masc.
Dashboard stats for Behrend Bernhard, Esq.
Dashboard stats for Your being dumped by your catgirl girlfriend
Dashboard graphs for Dice4Dad.
Dashboard graphs for Ears are Burning.
Dashboard graphs for Gonna Make You Nut.
Dashboard stats for The Handshake.
Dashboard stats for In Other Lives.
The Let Me Take a Selfie dashboard stats.
The I love you and I adore you dashboard stats.
The Man and The Stag dashboard stats.
The Millennial Tragedy is Basically a Comedy dashboard stats.
The I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream dashboard stats.
The Script Change RPG Toolbox dashboard stats.
The Secret Lover dashboard stats.
The thatlittleitch dashboard stats.
The Towns Like Ours dashboard stats.
The Tribute dashboard stats.
The Turn dashboard stats.
The Vore Your Dungeon dashboard stats.
The What’s In A Ring? dashboard stats.
Could it have been better? Yes, if I’d worked harder and marketed better and made better products. Could I have worked harder? Actually, no. Could I have marketed better? Also a no. Could I have made better products? I dunno by whose fucking standards to measure that, but I don’t think so. I poured tons of hours and lots of my own money, plus hiring other people, into many of these products and I was proud of a lot of them until I got the dead air and lack of sales and lack of engagement that people give. Script Change has absolutely done well, but I definitely struggled to maintain my rights to my work & recognition for it in the process. It is immensely valuable to me, but it is the only thing people will ever remember I did, if people don’t wipe my name from it when I stop constantly monitoring and engaging.
The reality is that the games industry takes more work than is reasonable for most people to do, even with the support of partners or fellow creators. You’re supposed to be a designer, a writer, an editor, a graphic designer, a layout artist, a marketing specialist, an accountant, a hiring manager, an illustrator, a social media expert, a public speaker, and also have an impeccable reputation with no mistakes and the blessing of every white asshole who calls themself a legacy, and my whiteness was enough to prop me up for a while, and I know it still benefits me. But it’s not enough to override my other marginalizations when it comes to who is the favorite, who gets the job, when there’s oodles of other white people without those marginalizations (or with ones people think are prettier or who can mask better), and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of competition. I barely even play competitive board games, like fuck do I want to run the rat race IRL.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021
What Happens Now?
I am always grateful for every sale, for every five star, for every compliment, for every share, for every single bit of praise and positivity that’s been sent my way. Truly! But I take the bad stuff far harder than I internalize the good, and that’s just trauma and reality kicking my ass. I hope to release more creative work of many kinds, and I will try my hardest to still support other creators & speak up for what I believe is right. I just need to not tie a dollar sign to that as a necessity.
I will happily accept donations (ko-fi.com/thoughty is the main space for that, plus members get access to my Discord, which I would like to see grow) & I always love gifts (my birthday is in February and I celebrate both all holidays and none), plus I will be keeping my stuff up on DTRPG, IPR, and itchio. I don’t expect support, but I appreciate and value it. I am also hoping that eventually I can be healthy enough mentally and physically to start doing business again, but I don’t know what form that will be in.
The Turn supplement will be up when I can get everything compiled and edited and maybe figure out how to make some art happen. Script Change will hopefully be getting an audio version and some minor updates next year! I want to work on Carheart Nosferatu, and maybe some cool setting stuff with some art from the Assembludo (teamed with Thomas) projects, AND I want to especially support John in his release of Roar of Alliance and help it succeed, because it’s utterly amazing. (Seriously, go get it now! It’s in beta but as it grows, so will the value.)
I will still be available for Script Change consultations to help with integrating Script Change into people’s games, for online conventions (no face to face until COVID is done, & only as a paid guest for f2f when that happens) to do panels & workshops on safety & leadership, and so on. I want to work more with The Bodhana Group as well, as they’re doing awesome stuff! I’m also working on a book chapter about calibration/safety tools for a German publication, which I am hoping will go over well.
I’ll try to post here when I make stuff (photoshoots, art, and probably Leading with Class stuff if I can get it going) and release any games content I make online (I’ll put it on IPR or DriveThruRPG if I can, but I mainly upload to thoughty.itch.io because it’s easier – though the Turn supplement will go to DTRPG only for now). I also plan to put up collections of photos on itch that can be used for game covers, interiors, etc. with credit! I have thousands so I might as well!
I know this post is HUGE but I wanted to cover a lot and give a full explanation for what’s happening with Thoughty, with my work, with my reasons for disengaging, and so on. I also wanted to give some transparency on the financial side of things to give context to what happens with the impact of mental & physical health issues, trauma, and stress on the ability to keep up in an industry like games. I don’t want to be done with games, but if I don’t step back, I genuinely don’t know if I can make it through the next few years, and goddamn it, I would really like to make it to 40.
If you choose to stick around, follow what I do next, I will be so happy to have you here. I hope you’ll be happy to have me as I am now, and hopefully as I continue to heal and grow and find my place. In the meantime, I hope that the world is kinder, more caring, and more willing to do the work to help you flourish, even if you are struggling just as much as me or more.
Hello all! Today I have an interview with Jan Martin, creator of Crow Island Funeral // PROCESSION! I’m so excited to share this interview, Jan is an amazing creator and Crow Island is SO cool!
Jan: ” I wanted to have this section of the overall story play out as a game because it underlines the importance of surviving the trip in a way that a short story couldn’t do on its own. Being able to fail, actually fail and lose and not make it at all, would have huge implications in the universe. There’s no telling how the future would have unfolded if that group didn’t survive the trek to the City of Seven Nations. “
Hello all! Today I have an interview with Jan Martin, creator of Crow Island Funeral // PROCESSION! I’m so excited to share this interview, Jan is an amazing creator and Crow Island is SO cool!
Thank you for the interview, Jan! You have been designing games for a while now, but for people who are new, could you tell me a little about yourself and what gives you passion for games?
Jan: I think the biggest thing for me with games is I love how they can help putting together a good story. Every great TTRPG session would make a great TV show, film, book, comic, whatever medium. That’s a magical thing to me, a book with some rules and ideas, in the hands of a group of humans, leads to great stories. Stories that come together organically, with lively characters and compelling scenes. I’ve spent my life writing fiction and I’ve never been able to come close to the kind of story you can make with friends around a table.
It’s that idea that I might be able to craft a game that can help people create compelling stories of their own that really excites me. Game designers have an incredible power in this way, and I guess I’m always trying to chase that same power. To facilitate stories full of laughter, drama, and intrigue between friends with a book of ideas is amazing. That’s what gives me passion, is the pursuit of the dream that I too can someday make a game that can do that.
Beau: Today we’re talking about your solo game, Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION. It is a really well put together game with a lot of content, & I am excited to know more! What excites you about Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION?
Jan: This is the first introduction to a much larger world and Universe that all my games and fiction are set. This game takes place in the same location as seen earlier this year in a short-story I wrote for Wizardpunk by Sandy Pug Games. That story was set in the modern day. In Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION players explore that area in the early years of civilization on the planet. It’s the year 349, exactly 10 years before the discovery of Spirit Trees and Spirit Magic. It introduces some names that will show up again and again, Asogomas and Naad, as well gives a peek into early culture.
Anyone who picks up my games now and follows from here on will keep seeing familiar details and learn more and more about them. I’m really excited to be able to share these bits of the world, and even more excited to see peoples reactions as they learn how things end up. I’m also a little worried, because the deeper it goes, the wilder it gets and I run the risk of alienating some people along the way. The expectations of what this world is and its place in the Universe it lives aren’t obvious at this point. I’ve got some plans to try and keep people onboard and interested so hopefully those work out.
Beau: Creating a world in which your games are set sounds really awesome! Having read through your game, I feel like there’s a lot of richness there. What is guiding your planning for this world and what are some ways you can see it in Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION?
Jan: It’s a combination of things, a large part of it is making sure everything fits within the larger Universe. There are a lot of different planets and even Universes involved so it’s a challenge to keep everything organized. For Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION in particular a key part of keeping organized is a timeline of the planet that starts when Crow Island itself is in year 1, when it created by Kiskik the Creator.
The timeline goes all the way up until current day, the year 13,425, which happens to be the year the larger game in the series is set. You can see this in the game itself through some of the lore, for example the two paths you can take. There’s the Path of Asogomas and the Path of Naad I mentioned before, but another example is the location Mudgash River. This is the location where the story in Wizardpunk is set, and will be an important spot in other games and stories. Some of the areas on the map will come up again more than others, but pretty much everything you see in this game will be present or referenced in future ones.
The map from Crow Island’s text with a zoomed in focus on East Central Crow Island, featuring a legend of the landmarks and settlements, by Jan Martin.
Beau: Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION has a really cool card mechanic and I love the structure of it. How does the design of the mechanics interrelate with the world building and the fiction of the stories you tell in the game?
Jan: The mechanics are meant to reflect the uncertainty of life while still being predictable. This ties directly into the world which is very similar to how my people lived pre-Colonialism. We had great understanding of the land and how to move through it and survive, but there is always that element of unpredictability, random chance, chaos, whatever you want to call it. It makes it so even the most skilled individuals must take care and have constant respect for the dangers of nature. Having the cards always have the same set of resources available, just presented in different order thereby taking something predictable and adding tension.
At the time of me typing this the game is too easy, and I’ll have to tweak things a little bit to better reflect the dangers of travel through the wilderness. The dice mechanic is similar when fording rivers, technically it’s possible to get through river obstacles without issue, but it’s highly unlikely. Basically I wanted to have the mechanics reflect two things, that you are experts of travelling through this wilderness, but despite that, it can still kill you. This is important to get right because future games will be difficult but for different reasons. I want there to be a strong contrast between how things were tough “back in the day” versus modern day, but keeping it clear that both times were rough.
Beau: The timeline of Crow Island seems very significant! Designing your own universe sounds like a big task, but what are the best parts of making something so big but accessed in individual play experiences?
Jan: It’s really nice to be able to zoom in on something in your Universe and have people pay attention to it on a deeper level. Originally this was all going to be a sprawling science fantasy novel series, with endless lore and backstory. That felt too tedious to subject readers to, even if I enjoy that sort of thing myself I don’t have the writing chops to deliver that kind of content in an enjoyable way. Anything I wrote sounded like a history text book and I wanted something immersive. Breaking the Universe up into separate experiences allows me to share a lot more about a particular part of it without worrying about people getting bored. It’s also really enjoyable to have a Universe just sitting there to think of like a sandbox. Anytime I’m feeling blocked on progress in a game, I can just hop into the Crow Island Universe timeline or map and find a new thread to pull.
The World Map for Crow Island by Jan Martin.
Beau: The experiences of your people are valuable, & it’s really awesome how you’ve reflected them in this game. Are there any unique challenges to designing a pre-Colonialism game?
Jan: Absolutely, there’s all kinds of worries about depicting things accurately and not viewing the past through a modern lens. Originally this game was about North America and an alternate-history where Indigenous Nations drove off Colonial forces. The more I worked on it through that lens, the more I started to feel guilty. Sometimes I will talk out loud to my ancestors and ask them about what I’m doing, they never answer me, but, just the act of asking about it gets me to think of it through their mindset. The more I thought about that the more I realized I wasn’t being fair to my ancestors, assuming I or anyone could have done anything differently to predict or avoid what happened.
As a result I ended up re-writing about 40k words or so of my “Universe Bible”, and changed it from an alternate history project, to an entirely unique Universe of its own without any of the trappings of our current history. I don’t think anyone would have taken issue with my game the way it was, but for me personally it just didn’t feel right anymore and I had to change gears. That same thing happens continually throughout this process. I’ll have some idea for the world, game, or story in this Universe and the more I talk it over with my ancestors, the more I come to realize things have to change. It’s an extra layer in the process that has no clear answers.
Unlike many problems we face in the game design process, some of the questions I arrive at I can’t look up online or even find the answers from my Elders, because we don’t know anymore. The Mi’kmaq were some of the first Indigenous peoples to meet Colonial forces and as such we’ve been subjected to the ongoing effects of their occupation since the start. So many of our practices, so much of our language, is just gone. Often the best we can do is speculate. That complicates things even further, I obviously don’t want to offend anyone living or misrepresent our culture. But more than that, I don’t want to offend my ancestors, the people who actually lived in the time periods I’m romanticizing in my games.
Beau: In playing Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION, players encounter a lot of dangers. How did you design the game to balance those dangers while still keeping players hopeful of reaching the end of their journey?
Jan: Working out mechanics is a slow process for me, especially the math side of things. Any semblance of balance the game has right now I owe to keeping the math simple. Well to be honest it’s not super balanced right now, I thought it was, but I didn’t account for my own terrible luck. I balanced everything by playtesting it myself, and historically I’m an abysmal dice roller. In games where rolling a 1 is a failure, I roll lots of 1’s.
In games where rolling a 1 is a failure *and* you get XP for it, I never roll 1’s. So in my personal playtests, the balance felt right. I lost a couple times, and most other playthroughs I barely scraped by or had some a series of close calls. But then, all the feedback I’ve received so far from playtesters has been the opposite, that outside of a few terrible run-ins with a river, for the most part they managed to cruise through the game without any problems. Balance will be an ongoing thing.
In the next update I’ll have tweaked the math a little bit to try and increase the difficulty to be more in line with my original vision. I don’t know what will happen after that, if people playtesting say it’s much harder but they’re not having fun anymore, I’ll tweak again. I want to make sure I don’t let my vision get in the way of an enjoyable experience and I’m lucky to have some people sending me this valuable feedback so I’m taking it to heart.
The Choose a Role card for Crow Island by Jan Martin.
Beau: I find the visual design of Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION approachable & really gorgeous! What was your perspective on how to present the game to your audience, & how did you work to implement it?
Jan: I wanted to capture the same sort of feeling and vibe I got from the original Oregon Trail games I played as a kid on school computers. Everything was pretty stripped down in the version I played, but it really captured the vibe of going on a road trip. To pull that off I wanted to go for really simple graphics, something like you might see on a sign at a National Park. It felt right to go a little more cartoony than that, but that was my launching point.
Beau: It’s remarkable how complex of an approach to your design choices you have, including in how you involve & respect the experiences of your ancestors. What about this medium, games, makes it well suited to telling stories that reflect those experiences?
Jan: Games are one of the best mediums to tell stories that have experiences you want to communicate in a more interactive way. It can help make the gravity of a situation meaningful in a fun way. In Crow Island funeral // PROCESSION I could have written the game as a story, but in the story they succeed in making it to the City of Seven Nations and that’s that. I wanted to have this section of the overall story play out as a game because it underlines the importance of surviving the trip in a way that a short story couldn’t do on its own. Being able to fail, actually fail and lose and not make it at all, would have huge implications in the universe. There’s no telling how the future would have unfolded if that group didn’t survive the trek to the City of Seven Nations.
In later installations of this game world, people will see that importance in a new light. It’s a small thing, but having “lived” in the footsteps of people in this world I think will lend that gravity I mentioned to how things went. I don’t mind spoiling it, but essentially the discovery of Spirit Magic hinged on the body of the Chief being examined at the City of Seven Nations. It’s a hugely important detail, and players being able to fail at carrying out that detail gives more life to the words than I think I could pull off with a story alone.
I’m excited to formally announce the Script Change RPG Toolbox rebrand/redesign courtesy of Clayton Notestine! I have dreamed of a pleasing, more functional presentation of Script Change for a really long time, & it’s here & it’s amazing! Download the new version at briebeau.itch.io/script-change today!
I’m excited to formally announce the Script Change RPG Toolbox rebrand/redesign courtesy of Clayton Notestine! I have dreamed of a pleasing, more functional presentation of Script Change for a really long time, & it’s here & it’s amazing!
I first want to extend my thanks to Clayton for the incredible work done on this. He was communicative, thoughtful about my design ethos, & invested a lot of effort in showcasing Script Change. His expertise is noteworthy and undeniable!
Clayton took my very rudimentary layout & organization and turned it into a functional design!
Script Change was originally written as part of [Tabletop] Blockbuster, an early design project by John & me focusing on action movie style play. I love cinematic gaming, & had been introduced to the X-card.
I wanted more for my safety experience in play, and I wanted it to be portable to other systems. I chose language I knew commonly for the tools, starting with pause, which is my favorite safe word & suited the theme.
The Pause card is vital for play & is an approachable way to introduce taking breaks in game to discuss how you want to engage with content, mechanics, or story elements.
I built on it inspired by various concepts – the cinematic fade to black (fast forward), a vibe like Archipelago’s “try a different way” (rewind), and it kept building from there. I’ve updated it often since then, & it’s a full box of tools!
There are many tools in Script Change, including some without unique cards, that help players from the start of planning their gaming experiences to post-play when debriefing and follow-up can be valuable.
Clayton took the simple text layout I had and made easy to recognize cards for the table, as well as reorganizing and at times clarifying my text to ensure it was approachable and fit the conversational intent.
The cinematic language is similar to the kind of words we use for watching videos, listening to music, and is also pretty easy to conceptualize. It carries on into instant replay, wrap meetings, & the further tools that facilitate play.
The new layout is really more usable, functional, and recognizable, plus it’s just way prettier to look at!
I love the feeling of the graphic presentation of the new design, & I am so glad to have this new look & organization to help people play games safer, with better control of content & consent! Thanks Clay!
I think about the concept of peril in adventures quite a lot, especially as someone who generally isn’t big on character death, extreme physical or mental trauma, & failing. What on earth is an adventure without those types of peril? Does a game even require an adventure, 0r peril, to be fun? (I won’t be discussing the nature of fun, that’s your own thing.)
by John W. Sheldon, 2021.
I think about the concept of peril in adventures quite a lot, especially as someone who generally isn’t big on character death, extreme physical or mental trauma, & failing. What on earth is an adventure without those types of peril? Does a game even require an adventure, 0r peril, to be fun? (I won’t be discussing the nature of fun, that’s your own thing.)
With many of my games, peril like violence or death or trauma can absolutely occur, but a lot of the time it’s only when the players choose that experience for their characters, with the consent of others at the table. This is part of why I require Script Change at my tables when I play, but it’s also part of why a lot of the time I warn people in my games about the potential for this kind of content. Many people think that a game isn’t a game if you’re not in danger, if your experience is not perilous.
These rad games all came through my radar over the past period of time, and I figured I’d just post my thoughts all in one! As always, these reviews will be copied over to the itchio pages with a rating to support the creators, and I recommend you buy the games that sound cool to you, and TIP the creators!
I keep on meaning to do individual posts with reviews but life… is a pain in the ass. However, these rad games all came through my radar over the past period of time, and I figured I’d just post my thoughts all in one! As always, these reviews will be copied over to the itchio pages with a rating to support the creators, and I recommend you buy the games that sound cool to you, and TIP the creators!
Remember this Pride month that marginalized queer creators need support especially when big corporations are promoting Pride stuff while not actually supporting queer creators! Direct support matters!
A note: Please keep in mind that my reviews are largely based on short self-playtests, solo play, and the review of the text since I am unable to put together a game group at this time. I’ve played, read, & designed a pretty wide variety of games, so it is not typically challenging for me to envision how something plays out in full experiences, but it is still useful to know that the review is based on limited engagement.
Skel-IT-Ons by Nevyn Holmes
Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins Replayable? Yes! Actual Play Available? Some examples in text Length: Short (One-shot)
Full disclosure: I think Nevyn is very cool and enjoy their work, and have done Script Change consultation work for them. However, I don’t think this really changes how I feel about the game!
The graphic presentation of the game is really gorgeous. I love using bright pink against grey or other monotone, and the cover’s stark imagery of cubicles with the bright pink text over it is so great! It evokes a really specific vibe that is what my brain calls “eldritch corporate” and I don’t know how else to explain that! The interior has really cute and fun skeleton art and a combination of sans serif and handwritten font that’s still adequately legible for most people, and the text is mostly large enough to read without zooming in on a PDF.
The rules are informed by Lasers and Feelings, but also influenced by Grant Howitt’s Honey Heist. The presentation of the rules flows pretty well, starting with character creation and then moving onto gameplay, facilitation, then the tables and credits on the final page. Character creation is pretty simple, a combination of freeform elements like your name (which must be totally normal, definitely human), constrained elements like your stat number (ranging 2-5, higher determining that you’re better at IT and therefore good at human stuff, or lower determining that you’re better at Spooky and therefore good at sneaking and skullduggery), and choosing from picklists for things like your specialty (email, lying, brawling, user accounts, etc.), role (InfoSec, Intern, etc.), Skeleton Power (Funny Bones, Picky Fingers, etc.), ulterior motive, and fear. It’s flavorful and well suited to the game!
To play the game, you roll dice when there’s uncertain rules or risk, using six-sided dice and adding dice based on various factors (expertise, preparedness, etc.). The number of dice that succeed (trying to roll over your stat if you’re rolling Spooky, and under your stat for IT). There are helping moves, plus ones for focusing and reducing your meters. Your meters are Spooky and IT, and increase or decrease based on failure or success, and are what determine wheter you go feral, turn into a pile of bones, get found out as a skeleton, or lose your job! It’s cool to see genuine stakes in a one-shot game but still ones that aren’t too intense. I also love the presentation of the rules here!
A lot of the game is focused on completing IT tickets, which have tables in the back and can gain you Kudos, which determines the final winners. The tickets are determined by the facilitator’s rolls on the ticket tables, and the facilitator can also include things like Overtime for unresolved tickets, or introduce Absurd Obstacles to make things a little more hectic. For the players, the three main goals are “‘Fix’ things, complete your ulterior motive, and don’t get fired or turned to bones.” The facilitator (called a GM here) is there to make things complicated and present challenges, as well as to help determine what happens when rolls fail.
Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins Replayable? Yes! Actual Play Available? Some examples in text Length: Short (One-shot)
The layout of this game is pretty with photographs of a lot of music-related objects and scenes (record players with quotes, cassette tapes, etc.) in a largely monotone (black, white, grey) color palette. the font is mostly monospace like typewriter font except for the serif quotes and sans serif thicker header fonts. The only part that’s a little challenging to read is really the music tracklists, which are white on black and smaller text, however, there’s a link to the Spotify playlists so that you can easily find the songs without having to read them!
When the Music Stops includes a safety section that’s well worded and encourages using safety tools as well as breaks and dialogue, primarily recommending lines & veils set up a few days before play to allow for time to prepare. I really appreciate setting safety expectations early, and putting this section before the Making the Mixtape section, because I personally know some music can even impact a person’s ability to play safely. (I feel like Script Change would suit this game well, also, if you’re looking for more structure.)
The Mixtape section is really great, giving guidelines on choosing a theme, timing the playlist well, including diversity, and the importance of having the lyrics (including a translation if it’s not in your native language) of the final song. As I mentioned, there’s also a sample playlist with a Spotify link, which makes this simpler for pickup play! In the section on playing the game, the instructions say to fast forward to the final song and look over the lyrics together, not talking but listening, and then flesh out the disastrous event when the music stops. There is a lot of useful guidance here on how much to detail, what to use to inform the narrative, and what it means to play towards resolving the disaster instead of trying to immediately fix it.
Character creation includes name, pronouns, and four traits for each character as well as any additional notes you desire to include or not. Traits are simple, descriptive phrases like “Single father,” “blessed by the gods,” and so on, with two being directly from the lyrics of the final song even if they overlap with others, just interpreted differently. This is really a cool and simple character creation that uses the game’s musical mechanics, which I love!
Each game also includes up to 7 Obstacles, and I like the flexibility in this section allowing you to stop when you feel it makes sense and say that whatever Obstacle you’re at is the final Obstacle. It is also is great that this section includes guidance to check in with quiet players and encourage them to, if they desire, be the next to introduce an Obstacle, since the last person who spoke in a given scene is given the right to introduce an Obstacle and some players are quieter or engage in different ways. You also don’t have to have Obstacles in scenes, which allows for more flexible storytelling.
Resolving obstacles uses die rolls against a 1-3 (makes it worse and causes you to use Chronicle points), 4-5 (timeline fights back, rewind your playlist), to 6 (overcome obstacle and gain a Chronicle point, more successes is more points) scale. You roll dice equal to the traits you’re using, which can be based on combined/team effort. I will say that it would be useful if Chronicle points were defined before this section, but it’s not too complicated to figure out or find since it’s a small document! The Chronicle points define how effectively you address the disaster at the end of the game, with more being better.
Finally, a great part of the game is the epilogue section on Rebuilding. This is after the confrontation of the disaster where you kind of unwind and thank each other & give positive feedback. It’s a great debriefing that includes a number of useful questions integrated into the structure, and I love a good opportunity to say nice things about each other and release tension or anxiety about the experience of play.
There’s some amazing game bundles happening this month, please check them out and see which one suits you!
Queer Games Bundle 2021– I’m in this bundle with I love you and I adore you! It has TONS of games and there’s even a Pay What You Want edition! Great Pride month collection! Support queer creators in and out of the bundle this month and all year round!
Indie bundle for Palestinian Aid – This bundle to support Palestinians who are struggling against the genocidal acts of Israel is full of tons of AMAZING games, and I’m in this one with Let Me Take a Selfie! Thoughty is an apartheid free space opposed to the actions of the state of Israel!
TTRPG Charity Bundle for Trans Support – I am sad I missed out on getting in to participate for this one, but WOW is it full of tons of wonderful games! Don’t miss out on helping trans people thrive in spite of the current harmful legislation attempts!
Sapling Soul by Logan Timmins
Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins Replayable? Yes! Actual Play Available? Some examples in text Length: Short (One-shot)
The layout uses a simple white background and black text in a serif font with beautiful nature photography, very atmospheric and mysterious photographs of forests with light pouring between trees or the sky peeking through the foliage. I love tree photos so I immediately loved this part of the text, to be honest! Overall the layout is really functional, which is important, but it’s also quite pretty.
The start of the game includes some flavor text to guide your journaling and set the scene, and then has you establish your Trust in the forest by rolling 2d6 and adding 3. If you have 0 trust, you move to a section called “Losing Trust” and follow the instructions there, but you start out with this established number and record it in your journal. After this, you create your Sapling Soul. I won’t be including all of my play through, but here are the questions for creation and my responses.
What is your name? Evan What does the Forest call you? The Lost One How does the Forest call to you? The Forest keens, a ringing sound in the distance, that I know and will never forget.
Sapling Soul Creation Questions & Responses
You also have three attributes, empathy, nurture, and unknowable. To get stats for these, you roll 3d6 and add the totals together for each attribute. When you test these attributes, you roll the 20-sided die. Equal or under the attribute succeeds, over the attribute fails. Consequences happen in either case, and in some cases you invite hostility, including that of the Haunted, resulting in marking a strike in your journal. Three strikes invokes the Hunted by Haunted section. In encounters, you sometimes won’t test your attributes, and instead roll a d6 to find out what will happen. The mechanics here are pretty well explained and quite simple, and though a lot of the play is in the experience of journaling, the journaling is impacted quite a bit by these rolls.
There is a short safety section that details how there is a chance you won’t make it through, and that failure is still a story, with a note to pause or leave the game if you’re uncomfortable. I often wish solo games had more structured safety support, and I felt that here, but I am glad it’s noted at all. Reminding people that you don’t have to finish a game is important!
The following pages after this are the actual play with prompts and the results on a 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 scale or 1-3, 4-6 scale based on your d6 rolls. After the first roll, sometimes you’re prompted to test your Attributes, and there are further results on a similar d6 scale that impact your Trust stat, the number of strikes you mark related to the Haunted, and other things like causing you to have to roll twice and take the lower score on your next test. All of this is supported with about a paragraph or more of flavor and detail about what happens narratively because of your results, anything from chittering in the forest to physical discomfort or threats from the Haunted.
I will be clear that there are absolutely parts of this that could be disturbing, scary, or potentially triggering. There are a lot of themes of struggle, potential combat whether physical or metaphysical, spooky framing of the forest environment and the threats you encounter, some elements of deception, and some elements of being pursued or chased, among other potential elements that I might not have caught. I would especially note that the results of being overtaken by the Haunted or the Intruder both involve loss of self, not always ending the story but making you into one of the Haunted. For me, this is particularly creepy and stressful, but it’s a completely legit story element. If you like things that are spooky and a little unsettling, deeply evocative and exploratory, this game might suit you well! It’s super captivating and enjoyable!
Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins Replayable? Yes! Actual Play Available? Some examples in text Length: Short (One-shot)
The layout of the game is really pretty with colorful, patterned backgrounds that have images related to the various tarot cards and the general theme. There are bold colored splashes with text over them on many pages, which I am grateful for because as gorgeous as these pages are, the narrow sans-serif font can be a little challenging to read over some of the more vivid or busy backgrounds. This is likely just a me thing though, I don’t think most people will struggle! Overall it looks great and it uses a little crown-and-eye icon to indicate when the author is providing guidance or notes, which is fun and useful!
Character creation for the Royals involves choosing a Royal from the tarot cards (four families of royals, based on the suits of wands, swords, etc. with detailed roles in the text of the game). All of the characters are equal regardless of implied hierarchy, and the text details that whether you’re naturally part of a family or not is irrelevant, as it’s based on your magic awakening. Next you ask the Royal on your right a series of questions, and the Royal on your left a different series of questions. The questions are really great (“Who have we both loved?” and “What secret of mine do I wish you didn’t know?” are great prompts, and there are several others!). Next, you write down “silver” and “blood” on a sheet of paper, splitting two facets between these two fields, including things like relationships or equipment. Silver relates to arcane ancestry, while blood is real world and mundane things.
These facets are what you wager in challenges, and when you fail they’re damaged or lost. You invert (like a tarot card can invert) when you lose all facets. This is a cool way to handle managing resources and what you can use them for without having to keep detailed track, as well as making resources integral to the actual narrative & engagement with challenges. The section on “Junk Magic” talks about using objects, fetishes, charms, and relics to accomplish magic, which is something the Arcane don’t have to do but Royals do. Determining how you do this is part of character creation.
You also choose a reason you’re doing this heist, but it’s a secret from the other Royals, whether it’s revenge, pride, greed, or loyalty. The game does say that you don’t have to define this in detail up front, and that it might change through play. You reveal this when your card inverts! All of this and a name and you’ve created a character. Each of the families has a ton of rich flavor and detail for the characters, so I feel like there’s a lot of room to play this multiple times.
The next sections of the game describe the Arcane, basically who you’re facing in the heist to take their powers, and the City, where the game is set. The Arcane each have a domain in the city where they’re strongest, defined & fleshed out by all players as a group. It also details how the Royals will describe their court, and then the five icons that players gain (each getting one) that can be used in case of a crisis.
To start off, Fate Herself (the facilitator) draws a major Arcana card to choose & describe the Mark for the heist, and players share something that relates the Mark to them (things that could potentially motivate them against the Mark are especially good here) and Fate Herself records them. The Mark holds The Prize, which is the manifestation of the power the Royals are stealing. The Prize is protected by the Box, which is basically the obstacles the Royals encounter, represented by five major arcana cards laid out on the table around the Mark, and defined by the Icons list in the text. From here, players use coins (3 per player) and play through scouting for the heist, defining the box, placing coins to indicate contributions, then using their facets and so on to play through the actual heist and engagement. They’ll draw cards and based on the card result get a “No, and,” “yes, but,” “yes, and,” or a “yes, and then some” from Fate Herself that gets broken down and affects how they overcome icons. If all icons are overcome, the prize is had, but there can be a lot of complications down the line!
The game itself is rules light, but the execution could be more complex for those unfamiliar with tarot, or for those who might struggle with using multiple components for whatever reason. I’d recommend thoroughly reading the text, as well as looking over the noted alterative rules within the text, before engaging in play. The game doesn’t have any particular safety guidance, so I’d especially recommend having a discussion up front to see how you want to support a safer table & if there’s any aspects of a magical heist that you want to encourage or avoid.
I hope you enjoyed these reviews! I hope to do more of these over time, as well as other posts about theory and design! If you enjoyed these, please support the creators by picking up their games & tipping, as well as leaving positive reviews. You can also check out the awesome bundles I linked to, full of great games for important causes! Finally, consider supporting Thoughty on ko-fi.com/thoughty if you’d like to see more from me!
“I have often felt like I’m screaming into nothingness when I have tried to talk about the constant abuses in the community, the toxic business practices, the cultural flaws. Worst of all has been when I know someone has done harm, but I’m not the one who can give light to it.”
I posted this to my private Twitter tonight, but I feel like it does deserve a space here for those of you who support Thoughty and want to understand why there’s been some lapse in posts. The good part is, now that I’ve written this out, I feel reinvigorated with my desire to continue writing here and doing the work Thoughty is intended to do. The complicated part is, I need space from the way the hobby and industry become your life if you’re not careful, and from the troublesome aspects of the community and industry. I’m still going to write for Thoughty, design games, and do safety/content work. I just want to do it on my own terms from now on, and I hope that you will continue to support that.
As always, you can find me on Twitter @ThoughtyGames and use the contact form on the site if there’s something specific you’re interested in me featuring. If you want to support my continued journey as a creator and here at Thoughty, I am now only on ko-fi.com/thoughty for funding and you can find my games on IndiePressRevolution, DriveThruRPG, and especially briebeau.itch.io. By the by, my name is officially changed to Beau Jágr Sheldon!
If this post resonates with you, know that you have my support in seeking your own path and finding joy, and that I hope your fire never burns out.
Content warning for discussion of perpetrators of harm.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
So, late night thoughts. I think I want to quit the Games Industry. I still like making games, & I do want to do something with Thoughty (but I’m not sure what that is since I’m struggling to write for it & can’t seem to acquire writers). I want to do safety/content work. But.
While I have no other means of making income, and this is the biggest issue with wanting to leave, the industry itself and the communities that surround it are filled with missing stairs for me. They are filled with memories of trauma, failure, and rejection. Unendingly.
I want to make games with my partners, and support them. I want to make games & would like to make money on them, but even now that’s not super successful for me. I want to continue reviewing games & talking about game theory on Thoughty. I don’t want to keep feeling like this.
I have been accused of a lot of things that I can’t find the truth in over my time in the community. I’ve also made plenty of mistakes which I’ve tried to own up to. However, I’ve also watched a lot of people do harmful things and just…walk it off. Become more successful.
I have often felt like I’m screaming into nothingness when I have tried to talk about the constant abuses in the community, the toxic business practices, the cultural flaws. Worst of all has been when I know someone has done harm, but I’m not the one who can give light to it.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
I have seen harm, I have experienced harm, and I have supported people who were harmed, & the problem is, I don’t have piles of screenshots or emails or witnesses to back up the wrongs I’m aware of, & I also struggle because I don’t want the response the community gives, either.
I don’t want “well, there’s no receipts” or “the victim(s) aren’t ‘credible'” or “this harm isn’t bad enough” or “there’s no way a marginalized person could cause harm like that.” I ALSO don’t want “we should ostracize this person” or “this person deserves to starve/suffer.”
What I want is “hey, person who is accused of perpetrating harm, acknowledge that you have taken actions that harmed people, apologize for those actions, & make efforts to change without erasing all evidence of your wrongdoing so that people can engage with you with awareness.”
I want that alongside “there is no such thing as a bad victim, a victim is not responsible for substantiating their harm to the point that the substantiation causes trauma, and all harm is valid to be addressed and respected, & we will not erase this harm.” Can you imagine?
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
But what we have is hidden abuse from people of all backgrounds that is regularly excused, dismissed, or forgiven by the people who weren’t the victims. We have people rising to success on the work of others, then turning on those who did that work. Perpetrators of harm thrive.
It literally doesn’t matter what prompted my feelings about this today because I think about this EVERY DAY with all of the people who have continued to get away with harmful acts who I don’t hate, but I do want to take accountability & I do want to change & I do want witnessed.
People in hobby & professional games are so willing to turn their eyes from genuine harm for the sake of their fictional experience & for the sake of promoting the people they have convinced themselves cannot do harm. We have seen this again & again and it burns us to the core.
But I am not a phoenix. I cannot rise again and again. I have a limit. I struggle to care for myself because every waking day in the community is riddled with news of more people perpetrating harm in so many different ways that I feel sick imagining a convention again.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
Who will welcome me? Who will shun me? Who will go silent when I join a table, or antagonize me if I speak my mind on a panel? Who will ask questions about people who hurt me? Who will undermine my experience? Who will hurt my friends & colleagues? Who will get away with it?
On top of all of that, who that I thought I could trust will I see spending their energy to justify those acts against me or against others? Who will validate harmful, alienating, unjust acts in the community, and break my heart? So many have done these things, I lost track.
What happens is I internalize it, I see it as just to validate harm against me. I see it as right to say that I must be the problem. I see it as valid to claim that things I do not do with ill intent are meant as cruel and harmful things. And worse!
I end up feeling like maybe the way things work is just. That it’s better to let talented, toxic people succeed rather than acknowledge their flaws and give them impetus to change. That we should let people who are accused of harmful acts continue because they’re creative & fun.
It wounds me. It is like a skipping record player, repeating the same keening clip of agony: this is how it has always been, this is how it will always be; the players may change, but the game never will. And I have lost the game, more than once over, for my trust & mistakes.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.
I don’t want to keep knowing all the things I know and not being able to do anything about it when someone gets away with harmful acts. I don’t want to keep starting to form bonds with people only to have them ripped or withering away. It is too cruel. It is wrong to me.
I know you can’t market products or content without being a part of the community & aligning yourself somehow. I know you can’t succeed as any kind of creator without either privilege, networking, or both. I still want to create. I just can’t sacrifice myself or others to do it.
I guess the tl;dr is that you will see creative work from me going forward in my spaces and my control, but that I am making a choice to put myself first, & that means the community and industry will have to change before it gets any more of me than that. I doubt I’ll be missed.
If you have read this far, thank you. I hope that you are still with me. In any case, please take forward this simple message: there is no limit to how much good you can do in the world, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive every goddamn day to reach it– and that includes the good you do for yourself.
Today on approachable theory we’re talking about meta accessibility tools, and we’re going to start by breaking down what I mean by that term. Read more!
Today on approachable theory we’re talking about meta accessibility tools, and we’re going to start by breaking down what I mean by that term.
I know this has been slow to arrive, but life is life and death is death, and there’s been a lot of both of those for me to cope with, among other things. This is the third installment of my A New Masculinity series, focusing on gender and identity in video games, specifically through the lens of Wolfenstein: The New Order. In this series, I focus on The New Order, and in this post, I’ll talk specifically about the women in that game.
I know this has been slow to arrive, but life is life and death is death, and there’s been a lot of both of those for me to cope with, among other things. This is the third installment of my A New Masculinity series, focusing on gender and identity in video games, specifically through the lens of Wolfenstein: The New Order. In this series, I focus on The New Order, and in this post, I’ll talk specifically about the women in that game. This will be a slightly shorter post due to there only being three characters in The New Order who are truly highlighted.
This post will contain SPOILERS for Wolfenstein: The New Order and potentially SPOILERS for Wolfenstein: A New Colossus or Youngblood. Read with this in mind.
Content Warnings: Nazis, white supremacy, trauma, physical violence, disability trauma, ableism, sex, sexual content, fascism, homophobia.
The women of Wolfenstein are really amazing, even though they are less represented than men in the game. There is a lot to be said for how the game presents women as leaders, decision-makers, and powerful individuals even if they aren’t formally recognized by any organization or power. The further installments of Wolfenstein continue to develop this, but I want to focus just on The New Order because I think that some of what is explored in The New Colossus and onward is far beyond my ability to address – and I hope that someday I can invite other creators to talk about those topics.
While I will talk about Anya Oliwa and Caroline Becker alongside Irene Engel, I want to be clear that I do not, and this blog does not, support Nazism, white supremacy, racism, ableism, or any bigoted ideology or cruelty perpetuated by Irene Engel or the types of real life individuals she represents. Engel is not an aspirational character, and while I will discuss her traits honestly, that does not mean I endorse her or her beliefs or any like them in real life.
Today I have an interview with Connor Alexander about Coyote & Crow, which is currently on Kickstarter! This game sounds so incredible and is something I have hoped to see in games – a sci-fi fantasy game that’s about an America that was never colonized by white settlers. I feel like this is a really major project and I hope you enjoy learning about it, like I did!
Today I have an interview with Connor Alexander about Coyote & Crow, which is currently on Kickstarter! This game sounds so incredible and is something I have hoped to see in games – a sci-fi fantasy game that’s about an America that was never colonized by white settlers. I feel like this is a really major project and I hope you enjoy learning about it, like I did!
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I’m excited for the opportunity to interview you about Coyote & Crow! It has been very successful on Kickstarter thus far, but I’d love to know more about you and the project. Can you tell me a little about yourself and how you came to work on the game?
Hi Beau! Really excited to chat with you. Thanks for taking the time. I’ve been a gamer my whole life, but I only started working in the hobby game industry in 2014. Pretty quickly I began to notice the representation gap in both presentation and in creative teams. The gap in the game industry seemed to mirror most of the rest of media and pop culture, which surprised me a little at first. Doing something about it didn’t occur to me until I was chatting with a Native representation consultant and they said something to the effect of, ‘even when they do representation accurately, it’s almost always through a colonial lens’. That really stuck with me. Then I saw the trailer for the video game Greedfall and I knew I had to take some kind of action.
I feel so very privileged that I have a steady job in the game industry and had access to many experienced voices who were willing to give me advice. I’m just a working stiff so it was really tempting to create a proposal and try to just sell the idea off to another publisher and let them run with it. In the end though, I felt that there were too many ways that the project could lose integrity along the way. Once I decided to tackle it myself, it became about team building. And that’s where the game began to become something much bigger and more important.
It’s pretty clear there’s a lot that makes this game unique and intriguing. How would you approach a new player to pitch the idea of the game to them, and are there any things players should know starting out?
That’s actually been one of our biggest hurdles. There’s almost no comparative media out there. When you talk about classic fantasy, even non-gamer audiences know Game of Thrones and Lord of the RIngs. Traditional sci-fi and cyberpunk also calls up a dozen properties and tropes. That cultural shorthand is embedded deeply in our collective conscience. On the one hand, you have to battle all of the negative stereotypes and assumptions non-Natives have. On the other, you have to create a world that’s both exciting and challenging to Natives, but also speaks to an incredibly broad array of Native cultures and traditions in a way that’s inclusive while not appropriative. It’s an extremely narrow ledge.
So to answer your question, when speaking to someone about it for the first time, I try to put them in the mindset of when they first read about Wakanda in the Marvel Universe or when they first played Horizon Zero Dawn. Not the cultural specifics of those worlds, but the idea of shifting your perspective of what could be. Once they’re in that headspace, I usually ask folks to picture what our continent would look like if Europeans or any other colonial forces had ever set foot here. And not at the point of contact 500 years ago, but in the future. From there, I usually can start filling their heads with all of the little details that make this world feel lived in. And while our game has a speculative future with fantasy elements to it, we made it a point to build a world that has a lot of potential grounded in reality.
As for things players should know starting out, there’s a big one that many folks have mentioned. I’ve heard so many variations on ‘I want to play but I’m worried I’ll do or say something insensitive’. I love that so many have asked that. It means there’s progress being made. But we are designing the game so that non-Natives can jump into this and play without worry. There’s a section at the beginning on how to approach the book and what to avoid. And throughout the book we give explanations for words and phrases and additional context for certain concepts or rules. On the flip side, we have specific things we call out where we indicate that Natives can add on or tweak a rule to help it fit their tribal specific customs or context.
That’s all really useful to know! You have a great team with a lot of varied experiences. What is the process like for deciding which ideas for mechanics or content goes into the final product? How do you ensure the most voices are heard?
That’s actually one of the most rewarding portions of development for me. I created the broad parameters of the game and set the stage. Once we had an initial draft, I invited everyone on the team to comment on it and if they felt strongly about a section or a concept, invited them to have a chat with me about either doing edits or re-writes. Nothing in the book is so sacred it can’t be changed. If someone on the team has a brilliant idea, I want it in. As long as the idea doesn’t derail the core concepts or conceits of the game or cause internal inconsistencies, I’m on board. It’s led to some really vibrant discussions and concepts I never would have thought of on my own.
We’re certainly in the ‘kill your darlings’ stage of development and with that comes the pain of seeing some of your initial ideas break in play testing. From a personal standpoint that stings, of course. As the game development progresses, it’s like I built the framework of a house and I’m seeing people add walls and paint and windows. The more work they do, the more mine becomes invisible. But that’s fine. I never wanted this game to be some sort of statement about me personally. From the start I knew this project would be better thematically and mechanically if we had a chorus of voices.
You’ve shared a lot of cool stuff on the Kickstarter page, but I would love to know more! What are some of the exciting things we can expect from the game, the kind of things that really make you want to share with others?
For me, it’s the little details that make a world feel lived in. A perfect example is the underground transit system of Cahokia. It was built originally as a system of tunnels to keep people warm and safe during the brutal winters. As we thought about it practically, we saw flaws. How would this be lit? Keeping fires going in enclosed tunnels would be difficult for so many reasons. Our answer was one that I think is equal parts inspired and reasonable. The people of this world eventually grew their light sources through cultivation of bioluminescent fungi along the walls and ceiling of the tunnels. The effect is that in this future the interior ceilings and walls of these tunnels and the magnetic levitation rail transit system all glow green and blue and purple. While having a living ceiling as a light source is a cool image, I like to also think that it represents a different way of problem solving. We’re working hard to fit as many of those kinds of thoughtful ideas as we can into the book.
We’ve also got bigger ideas that we at least want to set up. I’ve always been a fan of storylines in games that involve shadowy organizations or grand conspiracies. Mystery in TTRPGs is one of my favorite hooks. So we have lots of story prompts and adversaries that are based around those kinds of adventures. It also leaves lots of room for Story Guides to build out around their own concepts.
What led to the decision to make this a game that focused on sci-fi fantasy vibes and encourage the specific style of play (which seems unique) that you did?
That’s a great question. I don’t think there’s a way to answer that without addressing my own personal tastes, so I hope I don’t come off as self-absorbed. I grew up on original Star Trek, Star Wars and authors like Ray Bradbury. Stories that were full of forward thinking and hope. In contrast, my Native heritage always felt grounded in now, in today. It was a very personal and not always a happy part of my relationship with my father and our family.
But in the last decade, we’ve seen some media that has started to meet somewhere in the middle of those two points. It’s not all utopia and hope or escapist fantasy, but it’s also not grim and dirty reality. Shows like the Expanse, newer Star Trek, video games like Horizon Zero Dawn and tabletop games like Android Netrunner were all able to put fresh spins and new perspectives on some of those old concepts, while also highlighting diversity and representation in a way that didn’t feel obligatory.
When I knew I wanted that kind of feeling for Coyote and Crow, it just became a process of elimination. I didn’t want just fantasy because too often non-Natives exoticize Native Americans and that setting is just too ripe for them to abuse, even if it was told well. And pure science fiction doesn’t leave as much room for the subjective and the immaterial that I wanted to make sure spoke to so many Native beliefs across tribes.
I wanted it set in the future because I wanted Natives to see this as a hopeful view of what could have been and maybe some things that might still be, but it had to be built on a different past because I wanted it very clear to everyone that this was a world that colonists and specifically Europeans, had no part in building.
It was also important that the core mechanics offer combat as an option and not the default. Most fantasy games are geared toward going somewhere unfamiliar, killing everything there and then measuring your success based on how much you looted. That sort of storytelling is really limited. For me, the best stories are about building bridges, righting wrongs, finding equilibrium in the middle of chaos and optimizing your gifts in ways that benefit as many as possible, not just yourself. I’m really hoping that Coyote and Crow becomes the launching pad for those kinds of stories.
Amazing! So much good stuff here. I just have one last question to finish this off. As you’ve worked on the design and playtesting for Coyote & Crow, what are some experiences that stand out and excite you for the game and for players to enjoy? What lasting impact do you hope for?
That’s actually a long list. The first time we did a playtest and one of the players got to experience the exploding dice mechanic and they were so thrilled. I knew I was on to something when I saw that look of joy and excitement. Another great moment was when my Native group of playtesters got to meet the supernatural entity that we were using in our adventure (and appears in the one shot that’s in the book). That feeling like we were all playing something that was “ours” was palpable and deeply gratifying.
Since I’ve passed along some of the play testing to our team, I’ve heard some incredible stories from our Story Guide. They said one group just decided to completely cozy up and become friends with a group we’d originally written as sort of adversarial. That was great! As much as I love writing stories and being a Story Guide, having players take it down their own path is always such a treat. Most of my own personal favorite RPG stories over the years usually involve some amount of deviating from the gamemasters plans.
Which leads me to the second part of your question. The lasting impact that I’m hoping for is that people, Native and otherwise, find themselves exploring the world we’ve built and feel inspired to tell new stories and new kinds of stories. I’m a firm believer in storytelling and the power of it. It has the power to unify, to heal, to inspire. My greatest wish is that Coyote & Crow does what all of the best science fiction does, which is to bring some hope to our real lives by giving us a thought provoking world to temporarily escape to. If I can do that for some folks, especially my Native cousins out there, then I’ve succeeded.
