Capitalism? In MY Depression?

This is bleak, to a degree, and will discuss: the COVID-19 pandemic, mental & physical illness & disability, politics, nihilism, financial details and sales, and community-related trauma (perpetrators of harm, business ethics). However, I want to be transparent about my motivations for leaving the capitalistic, financially relevant industry of games and my step back from the community around it.

This is bleak, to a degree, and will discuss: the COVID-19 pandemic, mental & physical illness & disability, politics, nihilism, financial details and sales, and community-related trauma (perpetrators of harm, business ethics). However, I want to be transparent about my motivations for leaving the capitalistic, financially relevant industry of games and my step back from the community around it.

A floating dock jutting out into the water of a lake that is cast pink and purple with sunset light.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021

The State of It All

The world, contrary to some song lyrics, is not a vampire. It is a wasteland we have made ourselves. The world is not sucking blood from us, we have instead reaped as much as we like and never sown anything not dripping with toxic waste or colonial intention. The “we” here is obviously largely white, largely capitalist, and disturbingly fascist even if we struggle to fight against it.

The past US presidential term, this US presidential term, & the pandemic have shown me, a disabled, queer, trans, nonbinary, neurodivergent, mentally ill person, that most people do not care if I live or die. They do not care if I struggle or stress. They don’t care if I have healthcare, a safe home, a functioning set of lungs, or food to eat. Not just me, but anyone who is marginalized, and especially  Black people, people of color, and indigenous people.

As someone who grew up conservative, I had grown to know that people who were different were treated badly and weren’t respected. What really shocked me in the past several years is that even protecting the whole of humanity doesn’t matter to so many people, even protecting themselves doesn’t matter, so long as the status quo is maintained, money is made for those with the most of it, and white supremacy maintains its stranglehold. Conspiracies, lies, and harm that I had seen in many small ways was clearly on a much larger scale – alongside the rising anti-trans sentiment, constant violence against Black people by police & civilians, anti-Indigenous action including violence and neglect, the handling of immigration & refugees, anti-vaccination movements, pushes against fair labor practices within organizations, and rampant sexual harassment and assault are just the endless nightmare of the world we live in. Oh, also our oceans have literally been on fire, along with endless acres of land.

I’ve talked before about my personal state – mental health struggles, physical disability, having to basically give up my career plans after spending tens of thousands of dollars on school, being repeatedly affected by the actions of perpetrators of harm, & unfair pay. I have fucked up myself – between my health making it hard to fulfill project promises at times, my struggles to communicate & my loss of function during illness resulting in offense or misunderstanding, plus inability to cope with technological issues & cognitive struggles resulting in miscommunication or missed opportunities. No matter how much I want to be doing well, even with therapy, attempts to apologize or account for my errors, medication & treatment, I can’t exist in the world like I want to, because of who and how I am, and because of how the world really is.

Beau, a white person with blue, grey, & brown short hair in a black acid washed jean jacket over a galaxy cat tee and blue jeans, standing on a lake dock surrounded by water and a mountainous landscape covered in autumn foliage.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.

You might ask, what the fuck does this have to do with games?

Let me be clear, it has fucking everything to do with games.

Game design is a creative space for me, and when I am feeling like shit, and constantly living in fear, exhaustion, pain, and shame, I can’t do creative stuff like I want to. It’s so hard to survive in this world, especially when I know that to be successful, not only do I have to navigate all of the predatory behavior & bad business ethics that are just painfully rampant in games, but I also have to put on a façade that hides everything I’m struggling with, try to avoid offending or annoying any of the people with actual power and influence in the industry, AND figure out how to magic up energy to be constantly promoting, constantly looking for more work, while constantly trying to improve all of my skills (and develop new ones, which is super challenging for me now).

And like, yes, every fucking game designer or artist or freelancer lives this shit. The challenges for some of them are far greater than me, for others it’s not as much. It’s very exhausting and stressful and the financial & success disparity between the larger companies (many of which engage in practices or business decisions I disagree with & do harm to the industry and gamers in general) and small creators is a slap in the face, especially when I see a lot of smaller creators who end up either needing to or feeling like they need to just suck it up and suck up to try to get a single fucking scrap of that success. It’s not fair to them and it’s unnecessarily beneficial to those up top.

Everyone in this industry also gets the constant threat of harassment, constant battles of social media & internet debate and discourse, and that ever so exciting commentary about how indie games are so overpriced while people drool over luxury sets of hardcover books filled with shoddy photomanips or prejudice laced narratives, sometimes both, maybe with some extra “this can’t be shipped until after the cardboard shortage” components.  When so many designers I know are literally just trying to afford a fucking meal, it is vile to watch, and I have lost the capacity to fight it actively and to watch my colleagues suffer deeply while I’m also struggling.

I have had some boons in the past year – my spouse has a slightly better job, I found a way to exchange some work to help afford massively helpful medical treatment, & I have avoided direct COVID impact (I lost my grandmother, and my dad got COVID, but we’ve been lucky). We’ve still had a lot of health & wellbeing issues (for all three in my polycule), repeated issues with our ancient house, and everything feels constantly delicate – like even the slightest thing that goes wrong will destroy everything, because there is no support, there is no infrastructure, and I can’t even keep up with design work or work a regular job to help contribute.  It’s exhausting and terrifying.

A photo of a green painted wooden bannister at sunset with graffiti in black marker that says "Love yourself first" with two hearts beside it, and a blurry field in the background.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021.

The Plan

Next year, my goal is to not work towards capitalism. While I will continue my work at the resin shop I help at, & I have some small admin type tasks I do, any creative work I do will not be targeted towards sales or income.

I am extremely aware that this is a privileged choice, but I also am aware that even with all of my disabilities & mental illnesses, I can’t get on disability, and I also can’t fucking work reliably. I’d still like to try to build skills, continue my recovery (recoveries, really), and do creative work, even if I can’t contribute to society or my household in any meaningful way. I’d like to find even a scrap of joy in daily life, or in my activities.  Trying to market my work, which is necessary to make sales, or market myself, which is necessary to get hired, feels hopeless, exhausting, and hasn’t succeeded much so far.

The things I hope I get to work on?

I still want to do game design, I have some projects that I’ve been slowly working on but too exhausted to engage with deeply. Carheart Nosferatu, some Script Change stuff, I dunno. We’ll see, but it’s on the list.

I am doing some more hands-on work, like drawing, painting, and making miniature diorama type stuff, as well as working in the shop. I’m hoping to get better at them! I built a fairy house that I’m planning to gift to friends, but want to make more! Plus I miss sculpting a lot.

I want to work more actively on my photography, doing more boudoir shoots for the kind of people who don’t normally get that kind of opportunity but absolutely deserve it, plus more nature photography, and maybe trying some video work. I even have some ideas for some Leading with Class video work, which would be amazing to get back to.

All of this with hopefully less time being absorbed in stressful online conversations, less paranoia & anxiety about who to trust or whether I’m fully understanding complex conversations or whether I’m failing to communicate effectively (and my career depending on it), and hopefully a lot more time to spend with my partners.

A Reflection on Financials

I wanted to just have a bit here to give context to what I’ve actually been earning in games, because that is very relevant to the weighing of scales I’ve done leading to the decision to step back. I’m going to share some data in text, plus some in screenshots in slideshows that I hope will actually work.

The first thing is my sales on DriveThruRPG. I didn’t download this year’s data in part because it’s, uh, kind of painful to look at, but from our tax downloads last year, I calculated that all of my games resulted in me receiving a $40.09 payout for 2020 (around $300 in sales went to The Trevor Project directly for sales of Of the Woods, over 30 copies), with 3 sales of Turn/Towns Like Ours and one of Let Me Take a Selfie. I will likely be putting up my upcoming Turn supplement on DTRPG (with work from Fabby Garza and Jan Martin, among all the results of the Kickstarter rewards like new towns & archetypes), intended to be a charitable project donating to an Indigenous charity, and DTRPG is so far the only place I know that can donate directly instead of me having to juggle it. That’s the biggest value for me.

For all of my sales at Indie Press Revolution to date, I have had a total of $1173 in sales (that’s gross, I think). That was around 60 copies of Turn, and one copy of Behind the Masc. I am very grateful to be able to distribute through them, and for all of the promotion IPR has done on my behalf, so I’ll still be keeping my print copies & bigger project PDFs there.

Finally, my itch.io sales, which are… a mixed bag. Script Change does pretty well, but that’s most of it, and I’ll let the screenshots here do some of the work. I’ve included screenshots of my payouts, each game or product I’ve released with its dashboard showing the graphs for the longest period of time I could of views/downloads/etc., and all the bundles I participated in (all but the BBC Bundle, the Queer Games Bundle, the Epimas bundles, the One-Shot Megabundle, and the Disabled Designers bundles are charity bundles I did not receive funds from), plus sales, payments, etc. over the past year..

  • An itchio screenshot of all of Beau's payouts for itch.io.
  • An itchio screenshot of Totals for all products on Beau's itch.io.
  • An itchio screenshot of All of the sales Beau has done.
  • A screenshot of Beau's itch.io 2021 Monthly gross revenue.
  • A screenshot of Beau's itch.io 2021 payments.
  • A screenshot of a graph of downloads and views for Beau's itch.io.
  • An itchio screenshot of All of the bundles Beau has been in.
  • A screenshot of Dashboard stats for Beep.
  • A screenshot of Dashboard stats for Behind the Masc.
  • A screenshot of Dashboard stats for Behrend Bernhard, Esq.
  • A screenshot of Dashboard stats for Your being dumped by your catgirl.
  • An itchio screenshot of Dashboard graphs for Dice4Dad.
  • A screenshot of dashboard graphs for Ears are Burning.
  • A screenshot of dashboard graphs for Gonna Make You Nut.
  • An itchio screenshot of dashboard stats for The Handshake.
  • An itchio screenshot of dashboard stats for In Other Lives.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Let Me Take a Selfie dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the I love you and I adore you dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the The Man and The Stag dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Millennial Tragedy is Basically a Comedy dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Script Change RPG Toolbox dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Secret Lover dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the thatlittleitch dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Towns Like Ours dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Tribute dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Turn dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the Vore Your Dungeon dashboard stats.
  • An itchio screenshot of the What's In A Ring? dashboard stats.

Could it have been better? Yes, if I’d worked harder and marketed better and made better products. Could I have worked harder? Actually, no. Could I have marketed better? Also a no. Could I have made better products? I dunno by whose fucking standards to measure that, but I don’t think so. I poured tons of hours and lots of my own money, plus hiring other people, into many of these products and I was proud of a lot of them until I got the dead air and lack of sales and lack of engagement that people give. Script Change has absolutely done well, but I definitely struggled to maintain my rights to my work & recognition for it in the process. It is immensely valuable to me, but it is the only thing people will ever remember I did, if people don’t wipe my name from it when I stop constantly monitoring and engaging.

The reality is that the games industry takes more work than is reasonable for most people to do, even with the support of partners or fellow creators. You’re supposed to be a designer, a writer, an editor, a graphic designer, a layout artist, a marketing specialist, an accountant, a hiring manager, an illustrator, a social media expert, a public speaker, and also have an impeccable reputation with no mistakes and the blessing of every white asshole who calls themself a legacy, and my whiteness was enough to prop me up for a while, and I know it still benefits me. But it’s not enough to override my other marginalizations when it comes to who is the favorite, who gets the job, when there’s oodles of other white people without those marginalizations (or with ones people think are prettier or who can mask better), and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of competition. I barely even play competitive board games, like fuck do I want to run the rat race IRL.

A photo of the sunset shining and refracting to produce a lens flare that shines between stalks of grain and grass in a field surrounded by trees.
by Beau Jágr Sheldon, 2021

What Happens Now?

I am always grateful for every sale, for every five star, for every compliment, for every share, for every single bit of praise and positivity that’s been sent my way. Truly! But I take the bad stuff far harder than I internalize the good, and that’s just trauma and reality kicking my ass. I hope to release more creative work of many kinds, and I will try my hardest to still support other creators & speak up for what I believe is right. I just need to not tie a dollar sign to that as a necessity.

I will happily accept donations (ko-fi.com/thoughty is the main space for that, plus members get access to my Discord, which I would like to see grow) & I always love gifts (my birthday is in February and I celebrate both all holidays and none), plus I will be keeping my stuff up on DTRPG, IPR, and itchio. I don’t expect support, but I appreciate and value it. I am also hoping that eventually I can be healthy enough mentally and physically to start doing business again, but I don’t know what form that will be in.

The Turn supplement will be up when I can get everything compiled and edited and maybe figure out how to make some art happen. Script Change will hopefully be getting an audio version and some minor updates next year! I want to work on Carheart Nosferatu, and maybe some cool setting stuff with some art from the Assembludo (teamed with Thomas) projects, AND I want to especially support John in his release of Roar of Alliance and help it succeed, because it’s utterly amazing. (Seriously, go get it now! It’s in beta but as it grows, so will the value.)

I will still be available for Script Change consultations to help with integrating Script Change into people’s games, for online conventions (no face to face until COVID is done, & only as a paid guest for f2f when that happens) to do panels & workshops on safety & leadership, and so on. I want to work more with The Bodhana Group as well, as they’re doing awesome stuff! I’m also working on a book chapter about calibration/safety tools for a German publication, which I am hoping will go over well.

I’ll try to post here when I make stuff (photoshoots, art, and probably Leading with Class stuff if I can get it going) and release any games content I make online (I’ll put it on IPR or DriveThruRPG if I can, but I mainly upload to thoughty.itch.io because it’s easier – though the Turn supplement will go to DTRPG only for now). I also plan to put up collections of photos on itch that can be used for game covers, interiors, etc. with credit! I have thousands so I might as well!

I know this post is HUGE but I wanted to cover a lot and give a full explanation for what’s happening with Thoughty, with my work, with my reasons for disengaging, and so on. I also wanted to give some transparency on the financial side of things to give context to what happens with the impact of mental & physical health issues, trauma, and stress on the ability to keep up in an industry like games. I don’t want to be done with games, but if I don’t step back, I genuinely don’t know if I can make it through the next few years, and goddamn it, I would really like to make it to 40.

If you choose to stick around, follow what I do next, I will be so happy to have you here. I hope you’ll be happy to have me as I am now, and hopefully as I continue to heal and grow and find my place. In the meantime, I hope that the world is kinder, more caring, and more willing to do the work to help you flourish, even if you are struggling just as much as me or more.

Dream big, take no shit, and eat the rich.

A black & white photo of a person in a black riding hat, a black vest & jeans and black chaps, and a plaid shirt walking away from a shallow grave in which a black deer skull with chrome antlers rests on a pillow.
Beau, Resurrected, by John W. Sheldon, 2021.

A Slew of Reviews

These rad games all came through my radar over the past period of time, and I figured I’d just post my thoughts all in one! As always, these reviews will be copied over to the itchio pages with a rating to support the creators, and I recommend you buy the games that sound cool to you, and TIP the creators!

I keep on meaning to do individual posts with reviews but life… is a pain in the ass. However, these rad games all came through my radar over the past period of time, and I figured I’d just post my thoughts all in one! As always, these reviews will be copied over to the itchio pages with a rating to support the creators, and I recommend you buy the games that sound cool to you, and TIP the creators! 

Remember this Pride month that marginalized queer creators need support especially when big corporations are promoting Pride stuff while not actually supporting queer creators! Direct support matters!

A note: Please keep in mind that my reviews are largely based on short self-playtests, solo play, and the review of the text since I am unable to put together a game group at this time. I’ve played, read, & designed a pretty wide variety of games, so it is not typically challenging for me to envision how something plays out in full experiences, but it is still useful to know that the review is based on limited engagement.


An illustration of two skeletons in button down shirts and ties with black pants standing by a water cooler conversing, using pale pink, black, and white colors.

Skel-IT-Ons by Nevyn Holmes

Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins
Replayable? Yes!
Actual Play Available? Some examples in text
Length: Short (One-shot)

Full disclosure: I think Nevyn is very cool and enjoy their work, and have done Script Change consultation work for them. However, I don’t think this really changes how I feel about the game!

Skel-IT-Ons by Nevyn Holmes is a rules-light one-shot tabletop roleplaying game based on John Harper’s Lasers and Feelings in which you play skeletons working in the IT department of a major corporate entity. Only the player characters are skeletons, which means you’re surrounded by meat suits. It’s generally pretty lightweight, with a fun and silly premise, which I think is awesome! The game uses six-sided dice and a means to record your character & their information.

The graphic presentation of the game is really gorgeous. I love using bright pink against grey or other monotone, and the cover’s stark imagery of cubicles with the bright pink text over it is so great! It evokes a really specific vibe that is what my brain calls “eldritch corporate” and I don’t know how else to explain that! The interior has really cute and fun skeleton art and a combination of sans serif and handwritten font that’s still adequately legible for most people, and the text is mostly large enough to read without zooming in on a PDF.

The rules are informed by Lasers and Feelings, but also influenced by Grant Howitt’s Honey Heist. The presentation of the rules flows pretty well, starting with character creation and then moving onto gameplay, facilitation, then the tables and credits on the final page. Character creation is pretty simple, a combination of freeform elements like your name (which must be totally normal, definitely human), constrained elements like your stat number (ranging 2-5, higher determining that you’re better at IT and therefore good at human stuff, or lower determining that you’re better at Spooky and therefore good at sneaking and skullduggery), and choosing from picklists for things like your specialty (email, lying, brawling, user accounts, etc.), role (InfoSec, Intern, etc.), Skeleton Power (Funny Bones, Picky Fingers, etc.), ulterior motive, and fear. It’s flavorful and well suited to the game!

To play the game, you roll dice when there’s uncertain rules or risk, using six-sided dice and adding dice based on various factors (expertise, preparedness, etc.). The number of dice that succeed (trying to roll over your stat if you’re rolling Spooky, and under your stat for IT). There are helping moves, plus ones for focusing and reducing your meters. Your meters are Spooky and IT, and increase or decrease based on failure or success, and are what determine wheter you go feral, turn into a pile of bones, get found out as a skeleton, or lose your job! It’s cool to see genuine stakes in a one-shot game but still ones that aren’t too intense. I also love the presentation of the rules here!

A lot of the game is focused on completing IT tickets, which have tables in the back and can gain you Kudos, which determines the final winners. The tickets are determined by the facilitator’s rolls on the ticket tables, and the facilitator can also include things like Overtime for unresolved tickets, or introduce Absurd Obstacles to make things a little more hectic. For the players, the three main goals are “‘Fix’ things, complete your ulterior motive, and don’t get fired or turned to bones.” The facilitator (called a GM here) is there to make things complicated and present challenges, as well as to help determine what happens when rolls fail.

Overall, I think Skel-IT-Ons by Nevyn Holmes is a rad one-shot game that has great art and layout with really approachable set of rules that create an entertaining environment for play! I definitely recommend picking it up, especially as many people are rejoining their game groups & simultaneously returning to more “standard” work environments. Practice keeping your skeleton identity under wraps and have some fun with friends!


The cover of When The Music Stops with an image of a cassette tape with some of the tape pulled out on a somewhat abstract, dark colored background that implies the cassette is crashing through glass. Above the cassette tape, the title is presented in a block format of white text.

When the Music Stops by Yuri R

Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins
Replayable? Yes!
Actual Play Available? Some examples in text
Length: Short (One-shot)

When the Music Stops by Yuri R is a GMless story game for 1-5 players designed to be played while listening to a mixtape and using the tape to travel through time by rewinding the music. It is inspired by Ribbon Drive by Avery Alder. The game only assumes that the characters can somehow travel through time, and that they’re trying to stop some disaster from coming to pass, and otherwise it is setting agnostic. The game uses 4 six-sided dice, a way to play music & prepared playlist (prepared by a player or using one of the provided lists), lyrics for the final song of the playlist, and a way to take notes.

The layout of this game is pretty with photographs of a lot of music-related objects and scenes (record players with quotes, cassette tapes, etc.) in a largely monotone (black, white, grey) color palette. the font is mostly monospace like typewriter font except for the serif quotes and sans serif thicker header fonts. The only part that’s a little challenging to read is really the music tracklists, which are white on black and smaller text, however, there’s a link to the Spotify playlists so that you can easily find the songs without having to read them!

When the Music Stops includes a safety section that’s well worded and encourages using safety tools as well as breaks and dialogue, primarily recommending lines & veils set up a few days before play to allow for time to prepare. I really appreciate setting safety expectations early, and putting this section before the Making the Mixtape section, because I personally know some music can even impact a person’s ability to play safely. (I feel like Script Change would suit this game well, also, if you’re looking for more structure.)

The Mixtape section is really great, giving guidelines on choosing a theme, timing the playlist well, including diversity, and the importance of having the lyrics (including a translation if it’s not in your native language) of the final song. As I mentioned, there’s also a sample playlist with a Spotify link, which makes this simpler for pickup play! In the section on playing the game, the instructions say to fast forward to the final song and look over the lyrics together, not talking but listening, and then flesh out the disastrous event when the music stops. There is a lot of useful guidance here on how much to detail, what to use to inform the narrative, and what it means to play towards resolving the disaster instead of trying to immediately fix it.

Character creation includes name, pronouns, and four traits for each character as well as any additional notes you desire to include or not. Traits are simple, descriptive phrases like “Single father,” “blessed by the gods,” and so on, with two being directly from the lyrics of the final song even if they overlap with others, just interpreted differently. This is really a cool and simple character creation that uses the game’s musical mechanics, which I love!

Each game also includes up to 7 Obstacles, and I like the flexibility in this section allowing you to stop when you feel it makes sense and say that whatever Obstacle you’re at is the final Obstacle. It is also is great that this section includes guidance to check in with quiet players and encourage them to, if they desire, be the next to introduce an Obstacle, since the last person who spoke in a given scene is given the right to introduce an Obstacle and some players are quieter or engage in different ways. You also don’t have to have Obstacles in scenes, which allows for more flexible storytelling.

Resolving obstacles uses die rolls against a 1-3 (makes it worse and causes you to use Chronicle points), 4-5 (timeline fights back, rewind your playlist), to 6 (overcome obstacle and gain a Chronicle point, more successes is more points) scale. You roll dice equal to the traits you’re using, which can be based on combined/team effort. I will say that it would be useful if Chronicle points were defined before this section, but it’s not too complicated to figure out or find since it’s a small document! The Chronicle points define how effectively you address the disaster at the end of the game, with more being better.

Finally, a great part of the game is the epilogue section on Rebuilding. This is after the confrontation of the disaster where you kind of unwind and thank each other & give positive feedback. It’s a great debriefing that includes a number of useful questions integrated into the structure, and I love a good opportunity to say nice things about each other and release tension or anxiety about the experience of play.

When the Music Stops by Yuri R is a great way to use music mechanics to tell a story and represent traveling through time in an attempt to avert disaster! I absolutely think it’s worth checking out and playing alone or with friends, whether you’re playing face-to-face or long distance. Music is a great supplement to storytelling & roleplaying, and this is a great example of how integrating it is awesome!


***Intermission – Game Bundles!***

There’s some amazing game bundles happening this month, please check them out and see which one suits you!

Queer Games Bundle 2021 – I’m in this bundle with I love you and I adore you! It has TONS of games and there’s even a Pay What You Want edition! Great Pride month collection! Support queer creators in and out of the bundle this month and all year round!

Indie bundle for Palestinian Aid – This bundle to support Palestinians who are struggling against the genocidal acts of Israel is full of tons of AMAZING games, and I’m in this one with Let Me Take a Selfie! Thoughty is an apartheid free space opposed to the actions of the state of Israel!

TTRPG Charity Bundle for Trans Support – I am sad I missed out on getting in to participate for this one, but WOW is it full of tons of wonderful games! Don’t miss out on helping trans people thrive in spite of the current harmful legislation attempts!


An image from Sapling Soul featuring small green coniferous trees growing out of a moss covered piece of landscape.

Sapling Soul by Logan Timmins

Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins
Replayable? Yes!
Actual Play Available? Some examples in text
Length: Short (One-shot)

Sapling Soul by Logan Timmins (breathingstories) is a solo game inspired by We Forest Three by Rae Nedjadi and is an evocative exploration about belonging to the Forest and the Forest calling to you for help. It uses multiple (at least one) six-sided dice, a 20-sided die, a way to record your journey (digital, handwritten, or audio are all offered), and about 30 minutes of your time. This game is presented pretty simply but I feel it has a lot of depth!

The layout uses a simple white background and black text in a serif font with beautiful nature photography, very atmospheric and mysterious photographs of forests with light pouring between trees or the sky peeking through the foliage. I love tree photos so I immediately loved this part of the text, to be honest! Overall the layout is really functional, which is important, but it’s also quite pretty.

The start of the game includes some flavor text to guide your journaling and set the scene, and then has you establish your Trust in the forest by rolling 2d6 and adding 3. If you have 0 trust, you move to a section called “Losing Trust” and follow the instructions there, but you start out with this established number and record it in your journal. After this, you create your Sapling Soul. I won’t be including all of my play through, but here are the questions for creation and my responses.

What is your name? Evan
What does the Forest call you? The Lost One
How does the Forest call to you? The Forest keens, a ringing sound in the distance, that I know and will never forget.

Sapling Soul Creation Questions & Responses

You also have three attributes, empathy, nurture, and unknowable. To get stats for these, you roll 3d6 and add the totals together for each attribute. When you test these attributes, you roll the 20-sided die. Equal or under the attribute succeeds, over the attribute fails. Consequences happen in either case, and in some cases you invite hostility, including that of the Haunted, resulting in marking a strike in your journal. Three strikes invokes the Hunted by Haunted section. In encounters, you sometimes won’t test your attributes, and instead roll a d6 to find out what will happen. The mechanics here are pretty well explained and quite simple, and though a lot of the play is in the experience of journaling, the journaling is impacted quite a bit by these rolls.

There is a short safety section that details how there is a chance you won’t make it through, and that failure is still a story, with a note to pause or leave the game if you’re uncomfortable. I often wish solo games had more structured safety support, and I felt that here, but I am glad it’s noted at all. Reminding people that you don’t have to finish a game is important!

The following pages after this are the actual play with prompts and the results on a 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 scale or 1-3, 4-6 scale based on your d6 rolls. After the first roll, sometimes you’re prompted to test your Attributes, and there are further results on a similar d6 scale that impact your Trust stat, the number of strikes you mark related to the Haunted, and other things like causing you to have to roll twice and take the lower score on your next test. All of this is supported with about a paragraph or more of flavor and detail about what happens narratively because of your results, anything from chittering in the forest to physical discomfort or threats from the Haunted.

I will be clear that there are absolutely parts of this that could be disturbing, scary, or potentially triggering. There are a lot of themes of struggle, potential combat whether physical or metaphysical, spooky framing of the forest environment and the threats you encounter, some elements of deception, and some elements of being pursued or chased, among other potential elements that I might not have caught. I would especially note that the results of being overtaken by the Haunted or the Intruder both involve loss of self, not always ending the story but making you into one of the Haunted. For me, this is particularly creepy and stressful, but it’s a completely legit story element. If you like things that are spooky and a little unsettling, deeply evocative and exploratory, this game might suit you well! It’s super captivating and enjoyable!

Sapling Soul by Logan Timmins is a journaling game that takes you deep into the forest and explores a haunting story. I recommend it for a mysterious experience in storytelling! If you’re still spending a lot of time at home and alone like so many of us are, this may be the perfect way to get outside without even leaving your door.


The cover of Royal Blood by Grant Howitt featuring a blurred background that looks like stained glass including a red rose with green leaves. The title is in white sans serif font, stylized, including the tagline "a game of cards." There is also a crown with an eye in it above the text.

Royal Blood by Grant Howitt

Genre Tags: multiplayer (3+ players & facilitator), fantasy, tarot cards, heists, coins
Replayable? Yes!
Actual Play Available? Some examples in text
Length: Short (One-shot)

Royal Blood by Grant Howitt is a rules-light heist roleplaying game for three or more players and a facilitator in which you, the Royals, intend to take the power of the Arcane in a heist. It requires a deck of tarot cards that is shared amongst the players and a handful of coins. The text states that it typically takes 2-3 hours if played at a fair pace, but does also say you can play in multiple sittings if you want to take your time.

The layout of the game is really pretty with colorful, patterned backgrounds that have images related to the various tarot cards and the general theme. There are bold colored splashes with text over them on many pages, which I am grateful for because as gorgeous as these pages are, the narrow sans-serif font can be a little challenging to read over some of the more vivid or busy backgrounds. This is likely just a me thing though, I don’t think most people will struggle! Overall it looks great and it uses a little crown-and-eye icon to indicate when the author is providing guidance or notes, which is fun and useful!

Character creation for the Royals involves choosing a Royal from the tarot cards (four families of royals, based on the suits of wands, swords, etc. with detailed roles in the text of the game). All of the characters are equal regardless of implied hierarchy, and the text details that whether you’re naturally part of a family or not is irrelevant, as it’s based on your magic awakening. Next you ask the Royal on your right a series of questions, and the Royal on your left a different series of questions. The questions are really great (“Who have we both loved?” and “What secret of mine do I wish you didn’t know?” are great prompts, and there are several others!). Next, you write down “silver” and “blood” on a sheet of paper, splitting two facets between these two fields, including things like relationships or equipment. Silver relates to arcane ancestry, while blood is real world and mundane things.

These facets are what you wager in challenges, and when you fail they’re damaged or lost. You invert (like a tarot card can invert) when you lose all facets. This is a cool way to handle managing resources and what you can use them for without having to keep detailed track, as well as making resources integral to the actual narrative & engagement with challenges. The section on “Junk Magic” talks about using objects, fetishes, charms, and relics to accomplish magic, which is something the Arcane don’t have to do but Royals do. Determining how you do this is part of character creation.

You also choose a reason you’re doing this heist, but it’s a secret from the other Royals, whether it’s revenge, pride, greed, or loyalty. The game does say that you don’t have to define this in detail up front, and that it might change through play. You reveal this when your card inverts! All of this and a name and you’ve created a character. Each of the families has a ton of rich flavor and detail for the characters, so I feel like there’s a lot of room to play this multiple times.

The next sections of the game describe the Arcane, basically who you’re facing in the heist to take their powers, and the City, where the game is set. The Arcane each have a domain in the city where they’re strongest, defined & fleshed out by all players as a group. It also details how the Royals will describe their court, and then the five icons that players gain (each getting one) that can be used in case of a crisis.

To start off, Fate Herself (the facilitator) draws a major Arcana card to choose & describe the Mark for the heist, and players share something that relates the Mark to them (things that could potentially motivate them against the Mark are especially good here) and Fate Herself records them. The Mark holds The Prize, which is the manifestation of the power the Royals are stealing. The Prize is protected by the Box, which is basically the obstacles the Royals encounter, represented by five major arcana cards laid out on the table around the Mark, and defined by the Icons list in the text. From here, players use coins (3 per player) and play through scouting for the heist, defining the box, placing coins to indicate contributions, then using their facets and so on to play through the actual heist and engagement. They’ll draw cards and based on the card result get a “No, and,” “yes, but,” “yes, and,” or a “yes, and then some” from Fate Herself that gets broken down and affects how they overcome icons. If all icons are overcome, the prize is had, but there can be a lot of complications down the line!

The game itself is rules light, but the execution could be more complex for those unfamiliar with tarot, or for those who might struggle with using multiple components for whatever reason. I’d recommend thoroughly reading the text, as well as looking over the noted alterative rules within the text, before engaging in play. The game doesn’t have any particular safety guidance, so I’d especially recommend having a discussion up front to see how you want to support a safer table & if there’s any aspects of a magical heist that you want to encourage or avoid.

Royal Blood by Grant Howitt is a beautiful and intriguing heist game using tarot cards and themes to help create a stirring environment for roleplay. I think it would be great especially for play groups that like tarot card themes and want to explore what their presence in a concrete world would mean, especially when vying for ownership of power. If you’ve got some witchy friends you’d like to get together, this may be just the game for you!


I hope you enjoyed these reviews! I hope to do more of these over time, as well as other posts about theory and design! If you enjoyed these, please support the creators by picking up their games & tipping, as well as leaving positive reviews. You can also check out the awesome bundles I linked to, full of great games for important causes! Finally, consider supporting Thoughty on ko-fi.com/thoughty if you’d like to see more from me!

Script Change: The Soft No & Accountability

Content warning for violation of consent (vague), discussion of consent, discussion of the need for consent in games and community, accountability in all spaces

This article discusses the nature of soft no’s, hard no’s, using these in meta accessibility tools, and the use of accountability meta accessibility tools.

Handouts for Script Change.

Continue reading “Script Change: The Soft No & Accountability”

approachable theory: Meta Accessibility Tools

Today on approachable theory we’re talking about meta accessibility tools, and we’re going to start by breaking down what I mean by that term. Read more!

Today on approachable theory we’re talking about meta accessibility tools, and we’re going to start by breaking down what I mean by that term.

Continue reading “approachable theory: Meta Accessibility Tools”

A New Masculinity: The Women of Wolfenstein

I know this has been slow to arrive, but life is life and death is death, and there’s been a lot of both of those for me to cope with, among other things. This is the third installment of my A New Masculinity series, focusing on gender and identity in video games, specifically through the lens of Wolfenstein: The New Order. In this series, I focus on The New Order, and in this post, I’ll talk specifically about the women in that game.

I know this has been slow to arrive, but life is life and death is death, and there’s been a lot of both of those for me to cope with, among other things. This is the third installment of my A New Masculinity series, focusing on gender and identity in video games, specifically through the lens of Wolfenstein: The New Order. In this series, I focus on The New Order, and in this post, I’ll talk specifically about the women in that game. This will be a slightly shorter post due to there only being three characters in The New Order who are truly highlighted.

This post will contain SPOILERS for Wolfenstein: The New Order and potentially SPOILERS for Wolfenstein: A New Colossus or Youngblood. Read with this in mind.

Content Warnings: Nazis, white supremacy, trauma, physical violence, disability trauma, ableism, sex, sexual content, fascism, homophobia.

The women of Wolfenstein are really amazing, even though they are less represented than men in the game. There is a lot to be said for how the game presents women as leaders, decision-makers, and powerful individuals even if they aren’t formally recognized by any organization or power. The further installments of Wolfenstein continue to develop this, but I want to focus just on The New Order because I think that some of what is explored in The New Colossus and onward is far beyond my ability to address – and I hope that someday I can invite other creators to talk about those topics.

While I will talk about Anya Oliwa and Caroline Becker alongside Irene Engel, I want to be clear that I do not, and this blog does not, support Nazism, white supremacy, racism, ableism, or any bigoted ideology or cruelty perpetuated by Irene Engel or the types of real life individuals she represents. Engel is not an aspirational character, and while I will discuss her traits honestly, that does not mean I endorse her or her beliefs or any like them in real life.

Read more!


Continue reading “A New Masculinity: The Women of Wolfenstein”

#33in28 – Week 4 Reviews

This week is the final installment of my #33in28 series of solo roleplaying game reviews that I wanted to do for my birthday month. This post is a little late, but the final reviews took me longer than intended in the wake of some trauma and grief. I think that there are a lot of great games in this bunch though, so check them out!

This week is the final installment of my #33in28 series of solo roleplaying game reviews that I wanted to do for my birthday month. This post is a little late, but the final reviews took me longer than intended in the wake of some trauma and grief. I think that there are a lot of great games in this bunch though, so check them out!


Continue reading “#33in28 – Week 4 Reviews”

#33in28 – Lay On Hands

Right now on Kickstarter for #ZineQuest3, there is a solo dexterity based role-playing game funding called LAY ON HANDS. It doesn’t have many days left to go, but I was fortunate enough to get a copy of an early draft to preview on Thoughty. This game is smart and looks great already; the idea of having to draw in a maze as a way to test your character’s skills and trying to rack up as many points as possible until the coin stops spinning is just something that I have never seen before.

Today we have a guest review by Thomas Novosel for #33in28 about Lay On Hands, which is currently on Kickstarter! Check out the review and Kickstarter for a dexterity based good time – only so much time to go!

The General Idea

Genre Tags: solo, lonely, journaling, post-apocalyptic, coins, drawing, art
Replayable? Yes!
Actual Play Available? None yet available
Length: Short to Medium, (Journaling Optional)

Continue reading “#33in28 – Lay On Hands”

#33in28 – The Gardener is Dead Review

The Gardener is Dead is a ghostly storytelling game by Ginger (@inkyginge). The game is currently on Kickstarter and doing well, and I think it deserves a little extra attention! I reviewed a draft version of the game provided to me by Ginger, so there is a chance something will change by the final version. That being said, this game uses at least 1 six-sided die, a deck of playing cards, paper, pencils, and tokens (pieces of paper or index cards will do). It’s intended for anywhere from one to four players, but I’m looking at it as a journaling game.

Hi all! Another #33in28 review coming at you – this time one that’s actively on Kickstarter! Check out The Gardener is Dead in my review below and on Kickstarter before time runs out!

The Gardener is Dead

By Ginger (@inkyginge)

The General Idea

Genre Tags: solo, multi-player, lonely, journaling, death, loss, nature, cards, dice, plants
Replayable? Yes!
Actual Play Available? Many examples in text
Length: Short, 2-3 hours, Journaling (At your own pace)


Continue reading “#33in28 – The Gardener is Dead Review”

#33in28 Week 3 Reviews

Hi all! This is the week three set of my #33in28 reviews! The final post will go up on Sunday of next week. This week I’m covering a lot of self-care and meta type games like Ego and soulQUEST, but don’t worry, there’s still time to get Lost in the Deep. Enjoy!

Hi all! This is the week three set of my #33in28 reviews! The final post will go up on Sunday of next week. This week I’m covering a lot of self-care and meta type games like Ego and soulQUEST, but don’t worry, there’s still time to get Lost in the Deep. Enjoy!


Continue reading “#33in28 Week 3 Reviews”

#33in28 Precious Little Animal Review

Hi all! This is my review for the third week of #33in28 where I focus on a single game. This week’s game is Alex Roberts’ Precious Little Animal! It seemed really cute and positive, which I think is something all of us could benefit from this week. Precious Little Animal is a journaling game where you tell positive things to an animal friend and is currently on Kickstarter!

Hi all! This is my review for the third week of #33in28 where I focus on a single game. This week’s game is Alex Roberts’ Precious Little Animal! It seemed really cute and positive, which I think is something all of us could benefit from this week. Precious Little Animal is a journaling game where you tell positive things to an animal friend and is currently on Kickstarter!

Continue reading “#33in28 Precious Little Animal Review”