Tag: writing

Insanity in Horror and Lovecraftian RPGs

A friend who I don’t know if they want to be tagged was discussing mental illness and insanity mechanics in RPGs with Lovecraftian themes on G+, and I wanted to share my original response, and kind of give some more thoughts.

I honestly think that part of the experience of trauma and disconnection with reality that is represented by insanity mechanics in games is a combination of personal suffering brought on by the exposure to a greater existence and comprehension skewed by denial.

I don’t know if any of you have experienced real life paranoia or psychotic experiences. It is, from personal experience, completely terrifying. When it happened to me, I had to cope with the things that I knew for sure were not real only because of how unreal they were, and then the things that I could not tell if they were real because how very real they could be. I imagine that the true horror of Lovecraftian exposure would be that the things that definitely could not be real are actually definitely real, and knowing that, and feeling as though you cannot trust your own mind to tell the difference between what you see as “normal” or even “unusual” is now corrupted by the extreme and phantasmagoric. When the unreality is the new reality, what then is truly real?

For me, the experience of paranoia and psychosis may definitely have been unique to me, so I don’t mean to speak for everyone.

It was the oddest thing. I have some idea of what triggered the paranoia to seep in, but it’s not entirely clear. What I do know is that I woke up after a series of nightmares and found that the mere idea of walking outside the house was nearly impossible to grasp. I knew, I just knew that if I walked outside and, I knew would happen, someone would see me, and they would burst into flames. It’s completely irrational. It defies all logic and is impossible. But I knew it. It was true, and I was so frightened. It was even deeper than that, in that I knew people could hear what I was thinking. I could see in their minds what they thought of me, and how vile a creature I was. When I looked in the mirror I did not look like what I previously had thought I looked like, and until the episode ended, I couldn’t tell what was real and what I just knew.

The hallucinations I experienced were sometimes silly and simple. My cats talked to me and told me about games they wanted to design and screenplays they wanted to write. Others were not as good, like the movement out of the corner of my eye that became a car crashing into the side of my vehicle while I was driving. Others, they were unbelievable and I denied them, because they were things I knew couldn’t be real, but god, they felt real.

When I played Black Stars Rise, one of the breaks that was given to me was a card with a man of shadows who followed me. I laughed when I got it, because I knew that man. For literally my entire life, I have had experiences that lasted long periods of time when the shadow man followed me. He never hurt me, he never did anything to me, but he was there. Watching. It was something that was so startlingly real that I could perfectly imagine it in-game, and it made me think a lot about how we translate real-life phenomena into games.

It can or may be very easy for someone with good mental health or less extreme mental health issues to portray mental illness in a character and portray something like mental illness in a character. For me, when I am having a bad time of it, even something like receiving the paranoia or hallucinations cards in Eldrich Horror makes me anxious, and watching other players portray characters who are “insane” or “mad” can be very difficult.

Working to comprehend the differences between natural chemical imbalances, trauma-induced chemical imbalances, and otherworldly trauma mental impacts is something that I think needs to be worked on. Some games have approached it (one in particular, Lovecraftesque, I consulted on), and others have chosen to avoid it altogether, and I’m not condemning any specific game or way of handling it.

However, we really do need to understand that part of what is experienced in Lovecraftian RPGs is trauma. It is not simply the otherworldly experience, or the defiance of reality. While I agree with myself in my original statement up near the top, I honestly don’t think that encompasses the entire experience. Traumatic events in RPGs are often either dismissed or responded to with extremes, like flashbacks or violent outbursts. While those things can be response to trauma, they are not the only response to trauma. Sometimes it results in having triggers, where certain things cause an emotional response – anything from anxiety, to a panic attack, to a physiological response, to rage, to violence. I personally discourage people from playing characters who respond to trauma with extreme responses unless they are willing to play it respectfully. I don’t like to see players doing the comedy crazy. If you play a mentally ill character, it should not be for laughs, because those are _real people_ you are mocking. And that is my only real problem with insanity mechanics: they separate us from understanding the differences between the impacts of otherworldly exposure.

Here are the three ways of portraying characters in horror or Lovecraftian RPGs with complicated mental and/or emotional states that I think make sense:
Characters who start out as having a mental illness or mental difference: these are characters who have depression or bipolar disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder or even autism. Their behavior may seem abnormal to other characters and that’s okay, if you’re playing it with respect it can add a lot to the story, because, like in my case, how would I know whether what I was seeing is a hallucination or a delusion or if it was actually real? Is the obsession with researching and cataloging unnatural events really influence by an unnatural power, or is it a natural compulsion? These are things you can explore, but I definitely advise doing at least a little bit of research before you do it, or taking the time to think about how you would feel if someone had these issues was there.
Characters who have experienced trauma and as a result have mental or emotional response: these are characters who, whether in the course of game or as part of their background have had a traumatic experience either directly related or indirectly related to the horrific subjects at hand. This is a point that is extremely delicate. Post-traumatic stress can be represented in so many different ways, and there are a few important things to think about. One, you need to make sure that it ties together. The behavior is not necessarily logical, but you don’t want someone who was kidnapped by a cult to have panic attacks because they are in open spaces, unless you have more detailed justification. There are certain words or experiences that might trigger someone’s issues with PTSD or trauma, like with victims of sexual assault, but that trauma can present in multiple ways: shutting down and not responding, panicking, emotional response (crying or distress), or in some cases, yes, violence. The final response is not nearly as common as we see represented. Trauma responses are something that definitely have their place in horror and Lovecraftian games, but they should be handled with care. You never know who shares the table, and who you might hurt. 
Finally, characters who experience otherworldly trauma: these characters, in my opinion, are somewhat different than the previous category because they have a different type of experience that actually may be stacked on top of typical trauma. The otherworldly trauma is kind of like a combination of the previous two, where you experience something so unreal, so disconnected from your reality, that you now question your very existence, and it consumes you. This is the kind of thing where a character might see into the void, and when they return, they are no longer the same. Maybe their behavior will be unusual, or they respond irrationally to normal stimuli, but they are not “crazy” nor have they experienced what we normally would explain as “trauma”, because it’s not a natural trauma. It is something that they may not be able to explain or even understand themselves. This also needs to be treated carefully because it can infringe upon both of the other types of character behavior and representation. Be mindful of what natural responses to trauma and mental illness people have, and try to show yours as different. Perhaps they do have hallucinations, but because they have seen the reality of the void, they don’t react as though they are troubled by them because they are confused and it is unnatural, but instead they have a reaction of discontent and frustration – less “Is this real? What do I do?” and more “Why do you plague me? I wish you weren’t real.”
This is not a perfect way to do it, I know. I think it’s just one of the ways to look at the situation and a way that people can think in more detail about the themes we work with in horror and especially things like Lovecraftian fiction in games. If you choose to play a character who has been scarred by their experiences, think very carefully about how you’re doing it, why you’re doing it, and how best you can represent it without making other people feel like you’re treating them like a joke or like something to be feared. Even the mad have feelings, and darkness only gets darker when you lose trust in those around you.
 

This post was supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs.

Brie Creates Religion

Hi all!

I wanted to talk a little bit about some work I did in the past on a game setting called A Deadly Affair. It was a game run by my husband +John Sheldon, originally in a modified D&D 3.5 system, then later a modified Pathfinder system. One of the biggest elements of the game was that players were able to build parts of the setting – species, religions, cultures, historical events. It was really cool! I got to be really involved in setting creation and John allowed me to build one of the religions for the game.

The religion was called the Nord. You can read some about it on the Deadly Affair wiki page on Obsidian Portal. In the religion, there are five gods. “Norric the cruel god of ice and cold, Eitne the chaotic god of the winds and herald of change, Shima the benevolent lord of the earth representing growth and life, Raer the demanding deity of fire and warmth, and the Unnamed – a treacherous god of magic, spirits, and deceit.”

I spent a long time while I was growing up reading myths and legends about Norse and Greek polytheistic religions. I was a huge fan of them. This is part of why I wanted to create a religion specifically for A Deadly Affair.

One of the first things I did was determine whether I wanted to do a polytheistic religion, or stick with a single god, or something different. I was most familiar with the myths of polytheistic religions, so I picked that. I then wanted to pull from something recognizable to begin the definitions of the gods, and I picked a compass. Norric was the North, Raer the South, Shima the West, the Unnamed the East, and Eitne as the center, ever changing.

Once I had that down, I spent a lot of time on my own just thinking about it. I wish I’d taken the time to write down everything I thought of. Hindsight, you know? If I had written it down, though, there would have been a lot about the behaviors of the gods, the rituals of the priests, and the habits of the followers. There would have been descriptions of the avatars of the gods, and of the symbols carried by the followers.

I guess, I regret not writing them down. And I’m hoping to play the game again, so maybe I can get my stuff together and write down some new information to put in the Wiki, or on here. I hope that people enjoy whatever I choose to share when the time comes.

<3

What is Accessibility?

Lately I have been working on a project called Discovery. It’s a teenage superheroes game. It’s pretty simple, system-wise and concept-wise. The dilemma for me is my intentions for the game.

I want the whole game to be able to be explained in a less-than-10-minute video and be supported by a single-page character sheet. I mean, so far, not so hard, right? If it’s super simple, someone can explain a game in 10 minutes (Archipelago, The Quiet Year, etc. – good examples of super low social footprint games with easy explanations – even Apocalypse World is pretty easy to explain in a few minutes). However, I have a combination of problems I’m working on.

It has to be a video with sound. Why? Because some people can’t see. The video has to have subtitles. Like, absolutely has to. Why? Because some people can’t hear well or process audio well. There has to be an accessible transcript so that people can translate it easily. These are all things I can easily manage with the help of my in-house video editor.

The character sheet has to be available in an easily-downloadable format. This is not an issue. However, the BIGGEST problem I have is the character sheet itself. It’s purely visual. It requires someone to explain it. It can’t be used by someone who can’t see. I have no means of getting around this roadblock. I was tasked with finding a way around colorblindness, and I figured that letting people use their own color markers would work. However, I have not found a way around having a visual character sheet for a game that is about making a visual presentation of skills and emotions. Is it even possible? Is this a way I will fail in making my game accessible? Is it even failure?

One of the keys of this project is also for it to be free. This means that I can’t do anything with it if I don’t have +John Sheldon able to work on the video, which means I have to work around his schedule. It means I need to make sure to have a place to host it where downloading it for free is not an issue, where you don’t have to sign up for membership.

So, I guess, my question is: where do we stop on accessibility? How much responsibility does a designer have to their consumers? How can we make games more accessible, and what does accessible really mean? There are boundaries that some people cannot cross due to accessibility issues, including comprehension issues, physical disability, and even financial limitations. How do I make my games meet those expectations?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments or on G+. I look forward to hearing them!

Five or So Questions with Rafael Chandler on The Astounding Antagonists

What was your inspiration for The Astounding Antagonists?

In comic books and films, people with superpowers commit violent acts in the name of justice. A while back, I started thinking about heroes, and how they might be designated as criminals or villains if their idea of ‘justice’ differed from the status quo. And the novel emerged from that idea.

Are these characters antiheroes, true heroes, or just freakin’ awesome superheroes, and why?

In the novel, they’re referred to as villains, and they embrace the term, because they steal, destroy, and kill. However, they believe that their actions are justified, so they do see themselves as heroic.

Tell me a little bit about Helen Damnation!

She’s an blue-skinned extraterrestrial who wears a suit of high-tech armor developed by Dr. Agon. It turns out that the armor doesn’t do what everybody thinks it does. Helen is somewhat contemptuous of any society that values material wealth. She likes dogs. She enjoys sweets. She’s fiercely loyal to the people that she loves. Though she will not kill, she enjoys combat, and is quite proud of the scars that she has earned.

Your RPG work is known for being a little gore heavy. Is it the same with this work?

It’s not particularly gory. Like my previous novel (Hexcommunicated), this is a fast-paced adventure. There’s some violence, and if it were a movie, it’d be rated R — but it’s nothing like the splatterpunk work I do in RPGs.

What’s up next for you, post-Astounding Antagonists?

I’m working on the second book in the Agent Tepes series; it’s called Hextermination, and it features shoggoths, ghouls, and witches. Should be fun! Also, I’m nearly finished with my kickstarted monster manual, Lusus Naturae. Very excited about that.

Thanks so much for the interview, Brianna! The Astounding Antagonists is available here:

Amazon (Kindle):
http://www.amazon.com/Astounding-Antagonists-Rafael-Chandler-ebook/dp/B00OOXZGRQ

Amazon (print):
http://www.amazon.com/Astounding-Antagonists-Rafael-Chandler/dp/1502894548

Lulu (print):
http://www.lulu.com/shop/rafael-chandler/the-astounding-antagonists/paperback/product-21858531.html

Five or So Questions with Joshua Unruh

Check out this interview with Joshua Unruh on his new Patreon project! With this post, we’re having a contest! If you become a Patron of Joshua on Patreon, then comment on this post, you’ll be entered to win a copy of his book TEEN Agents in The Plundered Parent Protocol. Leave a means of contacting you in the comment so we can let you know if you’ve won!


Tell me a little bit about your project. What excites you about it?
The short explanation of the project is monthly, serialized bursts of superhero prose. Faster and cheaper than full comics, I’ll get to tell exciting stories about people in colorful costumes punching their way to justice without needing a huge production team.

Two things excite me most about this project. First is the opportunity to tell superhero stories about heroes of my own creation that are different. I don’t mean to say that I plan to reinvent the wheel with my superhero fiction. In fact, I hope to give the same thrilled feeling I had as a kid of following larger-than-life heroes through their serialized adventures. I stand on the shoulders of giants from Jack Kirby and Curt Swan through Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction, and they all reinvented things a bit as they went. But I do mean the heroes will be different. Different colors, different genders, different walks of life.

The second reason I’m excited about this project is how I expect it will stretch me as a writer. I’ve got outlines and have done some writing ahead, but not a ton. I want to see what happens when I’m under a deadline for a story and not even the sky is the limit. That, I feel, is one of the stronger things the superhero genre has going for it. Tight deadlines and no locks on “the rules” meant that the superhero genre has some delightfully weird tropes. Sometimes that resulted in crazy stories where Superman had the head of a lion. Sometimes it resulted in entire cities of super-intelligent gorillas or teenage super clubs from the future.

Weird, ridiculous, or amazing, these ideas literally couldn’t have been created in any other situation. And I can’t wait to see what a similar situation pushes me to create.

Talk to me a little about your three goals for your superhero fiction. What are they and why are they important?
The three goals for my superhero fiction are 1. Make it all ages, 2. make it fun, 3. make it diverse.

All ages is an important concept to me because, as an adult, I’ve realized just how much learning I did reading comics that didn’t talk down to me. All ages doesn’t mean “for kids.” And even if it did, “for kids” too often means “talks to kids like they’re stupid.” I don’t want that. I want to be entertaining to a broad swathe of ages. The all in all ages overpromises, but it’s still a goal I want to aim for. Kinda like Pixar, they make the effort to entertain both the kids and adults in their audience on different levels.

This has been a thing superhero stories have lost. By and large, they aren’t all ages anymore. Every Free Comic Book Day, I struggle to find something my seven year old son can enjoy. And let me assure you, at this point, if you name a popular superhero book that was either all ages or for kids, we’ve read it a hundred times. There just isn’t new stuff churned out for him. And I want there to be. So I’m being the change I want to see.

As for making it fun, that’s just what I want from my superhero fiction these days. There are absolutely places where superhero comics can be grim and serious affairs. Watchmen is the quintessential example. But one reason Watchmen works is because there’s all this fun stuff that it can be an opposing reaction to. I’ve just sort of grown past the point where I need superheroes to be taken seriously. Especially when “serious” means drab colors and compromising of heroic ideals rather than living them out in technicolor. I want superheroes to be a roller coaster ride again, and I think kids do as well even if they can’t articulate it yet.

Make it diverse is just something that’s close to my heart. My wife and I were foster parents after our son came along. We wanted to add to our family and thought that would be a great way to find the little girl that belonged with us. That got me thinking about how the stuff my son and I enjoyed just didn’t have enough action heroes that would look like her. We fostered an African American boy and I couldn’t shake the same thought for him. I know I’m not alone in wanting more diverse heroes, but once again, all I can do is try to be that change with my own work.

What kind of characters can we expect to see?

You can expect to see heroes! Selfless people who want to make the world a better place! It just so happens that they want to do it while wearing masks and capes! Other than that, I’m just asking myself how I can make my character base more diverse. Of the first five characters I have in mind, four of them are girls or women, two of them are mixed race, and one of them is Greek (like, ancient Greek). But they’re all still multi-faceted, detailed, completely realized characters.

On the villainous side, you’re going to see a similar approach to characterization and diversity, but maybe a bit less diverse than the heroes. I mean, the fact that a lot of evil people in the real world are old white guys with a lot of money will filter into my superhero work.

Maybe some examples will help. Catfight and Hell Kitten are from a recently broken home. Their mother is African American, their father is white, and they’re moving in with their maternal grandfather (who just happens to have been a mystery man in the 30s and 40s). Think of these girls as the Spider-Man type. Broken home, struggling with money, but they still aspire to heroism. Catfight and Hell Kitten are my coming of age story, so they’ll face villains that represent everyday troubles.

My second character (should I get that many patrons) is The Gray Angel. She’s what happens if Buffy the Vampire Slayer decides to become Batman. She works in Pilgrim City. The Grim is controlled by supernatural evil and criminals…who are also usually supernaturally evil. Gray Angel is where I’ll tell the horror and crime stories.

The last character I’ll mention is Andromeda. She’s the Andromeda from Greek myth, except she’s no wilting princess. That’s just the Zeus-fueled PR machine at work. When Perseus failed to show up and fight the Kraken, she yanked the chains from the cliff, dove into the Aegean, and killed it herself. She’s adventured all over the place, including to the peak of Mt. Olympus where she got these stunning little strappy sandals with wings. Later, she punched Nazis and even become a warrior queen in another star system.

What kind of inspirations do you have for your villains?

I think the best villains are the opposite number of the hero. And if you have a truly great character, like Batman, you can have several opposite numbers that are nothing alike. Coming in right after that are villains that represent a problem the hero is facing or a problem from their past. The Lizard is, for Spider-Man, a mentor and father figure he couldn’t save, especially from his own inner demons. And then there are villains that are just cool concepts or a twist on cool concepts. Solaris the Tyrant Sun is just epic and scary while Klarion the Witchboy is weird and scary.

So I have plans for Helena Handbasket who is, in some ways, the shadowy reflection of Catfight and Hell Kitten. She’s new in town, also comes from a broken home, and has found unexpected power. But she’s going to use it for her own ends instead of to help others. What will the girls do when they realize that, except for a few blessings, they could have been her?

Over in Pilgrim City, you’ll meet Chilly Graves. He’s a mobster who crossed the wrong guys, found himself thrown in a freezer to die, and then got dumped into unholy ground. When he awakens, he’s a zombie fueled by cold. He’s the “what happens when the problems you bury arise?” kind of villain (and also a twist on some favorite Batman bad guys of mine).

I don’t want to give away too much, but you can see how my inspirations come through those two characters I hope.

Who do you think this project will appeal to most?

I sincerely hope it appeals to everyone who wants to read some superhero action! I mean, let’s be honest. I have some ideological axes to grind that are influencing some of my creative decisions. But I don’t expect these to be seen as “superheroes for girls” or “the diverse universe.” I just want them to be fun, exciting, and full of wonder in the way that Spider-Man and Legion of Super-Heroes were for me when I was a kid. If along the way I get to reflect a readership that isn’t being served as well as it could be, then I am totally okay with that!

Really, I just love superheroes and have for most of my life. My wife and I were discussing how she can’t even imagine who I’d be without superheroes. I want to appeal most to the person that might become a lifelong fan of this incredible genre like I did. It would be one of my greatest joys as an artist if my stories were the portal through which even one person became a true believing superhero fan.

Five or So Questions with Shannon Appelcline on Designers & Dragons

Tell me a little bit about Designers & Dragons. What excites you about it?

Designers & Dragons is a history of the roleplaying industry told one company at a time. It starts with TSR and runs through Posthuman Studios and along the way it provides complete histories for over 80 other roleplaying publishers. Each history focuses on the roleplaying production of one company, but also charts out all of its highs and lows, so you can learn about TSR’s lawsuits, Palladium’s Crisis of Treachery, the few times that Chaosium teetered on the edge, and much more.

This all excites me because it’s the backstory of the industry. It’s the tales of people who are remembered, the ones who were forgotten, and the great games they created — most of which are no longer on the shelves. It’s about the companies that prospered (often in unexpected ways) and the companies that failed (usually in equally unexpected ways).

I started writing Designers & Dragons because I wanted to know what had happened to these companies of the past — where they’d disappeared to and what their stories were. I found that uncovering this knowledge was fascinating, and it appears that readers do as well!

What do you think are highlights of the 00s that new designers should really be aware of?
First, designers should look at the indie movement. Some of the early indie ideas like resource management and freeform attributes have already hit the bigger time in releases from larger publishers. However, indie games also contain lots of other interesting design like unconventional narratives, distributed authority, scene framing, and stake setting. Not all of it’s appropriate for every game, but a designer should be aware of the entered toolbox, and that toolbox has been expanded a lot since the mid ’90s.

Second, designers should look at the OSR movement. I’m not necessarily talking about the retroclones, but the newer games that have melded together modern design aesthetics with old-school design tropes. I think that Goodman Games’ Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG (2012) is the game that’s probably done the best job of managing this merged landscape.

If you know what made the industry appealing in its early days and if you know the newest ideas about how to develop roleplaying games, then you’ve probably got a pretty good handle on interesting design.

What is your favorite thing to talk about in RPG history?
I love the scope of history: the fact that the RPG industry has been around for forty years and that it traces its origins back even further; the fact that its created parallel industries like modern miniatures games, CCGs, and computer RPGs. I love how you can often trace a designer’s production through multiple companies, to see where they started and where they went. I love the scope within an individual company, as you see how it rises (and sometimes falls).

However, I find it just as intriguing to talk about the reasons behind all this history: why a person started a company and why they decided to create an RPG on a specific topic. I love discussing why an abrupt change occurred at a company: why an old RPG line went away or why a certain type of product was discontinued,

So I’d say those two things: the big picture and the little reasons that underlie it.

Who do you think will benefit the most from the books, and why?
My first reaction is to say that old-time gamers will benefit from Designers & Dragons the most, because the books talk about all the old companies that they remember and the old game systems they still play. Equally, the books reveal the secrets of the smaller presses that old-time gamers might have heard of, but never investigated. However, I think that newer gamers will benefit from the books too, because they’re full of everything that’s gone before — the companies and games that are the foundation that modern gaming is built upon.

So I’d have to say anyone who wants to learn more about the gaming industry, the companies that made it up, and the games they’ve produced over the last four decades.

What do you suggest people do, aside from reading Designers & Dragons, to learn more about RPGs and the industry?
I love the old gaming magazines for what they reveal about the industry. Wizards of the Coast’s Dragon Magazine Archive is awesome for the fact that it lays out 25 years of industry growth, and you can get it on eBay for about $100. The generalist magazines were also good because they tended to be full of news, interviews, and game design notes from a wide variety of companies. I’d particularly recommend The Space Gamer, Different Worlds, White Wolf, and Shadis — which together form a nice chronology from the late ’70s through the ’90s.

There have also been a couple of great books. Heroic Worlds, a catalog of the games of the ’70s and ’80s, and Playing at the World, a dense investigation of the origins of roleplaying, are particularly interesting.

Finally, there are a number of OSR blogs which do a good job of looking at the history of the industry. Grognardia was my favorite until it fizzled out, but it’s still got interesting things in its archives.

Random Thoughts on Freelancing

Random thoughts about freelancing:

Freelancing is not super easy. Like, growing up I was given the impression that writers and such got paid well and lived a life of ease, just creating. How cool did that sound, right? Well, turns out it’s mostly bullshit.

I say mostly because you do get to create, and that part is awesome. The pay is, depending on where you go, anywhere from abysmal to decent, unless you have a Name and Reputation and GET LUCKY. From what I’ve seen so far, anyway.

I’ve been suuuuper lucky to find a place with a few different companies and people. The first one didn’t really go as I’d hoped, so I moved on. Luckily, there were people who supported me, and I found a place to do my first paid, published work through The Fate Codex. This was super cool. It also led to my current work with MWP, and eventually to work with Onyx Path and Evil Hat.

One thing I didn’t expect was the impact my health would have on freelancing. I thought that working from home and freelancing was something you could always do, no matter how sick you were. I was totally freaking wrong, like, get out of here, so wrong. Not only did I lose a lot of time when I had a mental break (for lack of a better term), but I’ve also lost a lot of time due to an injury.

I have learned that while deadlines are important, people can be SUPER understanding when it comes to injury and illness, and I’m incredibly grateful for it. I don’t know how else I would still have the work I do. I owe a lot to the people who took a leap of faith on me, and I owe the same or more to those who haven’t given up on me. 
It’s been exciting. The work I’m doing for MWP is small but something I’ve enjoyed, and I discovered through it that I really do enjoy designing mechanics – maybe even more than I enjoy writing. Totally blows my mind, to be honest. Soon, I’ll be on a project with Evil Hat, which I’m not sure the secrecy level of so I’ll leave it up to Fred &co. to announce it if they see fit. I finished up all but final edits on my Onyx Path work, so that’ll be on its way soon.
I just feel like I’m doing a lot in a very short period of time, which is kind of good because I probably will have to cut back when I start back to school, which means picking and carefully choosing what work I can do – and I think that I have a chance at actually having choices to pick from. 
I’ve also met some other great freelancers along the way, and there’s something I want to talk about. Soapbox time.
There are so many guys. Like SO many. And they are, from what I have seen, mostly great. But, I want to be one of many women working on a project – not one of two, or one of three, on a team of 9 or more. I know that there weren’t enough women applicants in the Evil Hat Writer’s Search (Fred said so on the Twitter), and that bums me out (I should note, though, that the Evil Hat project I’m on has the greatest number and proportion of women of any of the teams I’ve been on thus far – not for lack of other people trying, though!). I know loads of women out there totally capable of doing what I do and probably even more! I know that there are things to consider like second-shift problems, impostor syndrome, and many other things, but I’m here to say I will fight with you! I will try my best to have time to read over your applications and I will try to advocate for you when I can take the opportunity to put in a good word. 
There is an awesome list of indie gaming women going around on Twitter today, and I want to see THAT. I want to see women being awesome and creative and that’s so possible, I can almost taste it. Next time there is a writer all-call, I hope to hear “We had an overwhelming number of women respond!” and I want to keep hearing it. 
Love y’all!

Design Brunches and Collaborative Creation

Some of you may be aware that my local gaming community hosts semi-regular game design brunches. We basically get together on a Sunday and chat about game design, and everyone brings a problem with them if they have it, and we’ll discuss things, do rapid playtesting, try out designs, bring prototypes, and all of that. I’ve discussed them before, but I want to delve a little more into some of the stuff I find valuable.

The first thing is that we have a wide variety of experience levels, backgrounds, and types of expertise in the group. I, for example, am mostly a writer and player (aside from now designing), with experience playing more traditional games as well as story games. Stras is an ace playtester, a designer, and has tons of experience with trad and story games alike. He also has a lot of technical knowledge and baseline design knowledge that I don’t have. John, on the other hand, is our graphics genius, and is a really good designer, with traditional experience and the same level of story games experience as me – however, both he and Stras have GM’d WAY more than me. Paul is a designer (the only one paid-published of us, I think) and writer, with a ton of trad experience and story game experience, and one of his biggest points of value (imo) is that he plays with games that most of us have not or don’t anymore (like GURPs and Gumshoe). Marc is almost exclusively traditional/OSR, and has a great mind for math, and is a designer who does most of his own writing. Rachel is mostly a player, but offers a unique perspective, is a great storyteller, and provides us with a good sounding board. Jeff and Heather both have traditional and story game experience, and both offer a good player perspective. Nick, who just started coming, is a really fantastic designer and writer with a lot of experience developing his own games.

I don’t think I’m forgetting anyone! I hope not.  

Reading that, I think most people can see how we’d have a huge variety of input and different perspectives at every brunch, even if some people can’t make it. We also have a good group that gets along pretty well.

It’s awesome. It allows us a lot of opportunities to find flaws in design, or just redirect design that seems to be going away from its purpose. We also can focus on a variety of things: writing, graphics, technique, development, and prototyping.

This week, we playtested Nick’s Medical Bay 3 creation, evaluated Tabletop Blockbuster playsheets, discussed Stras’s Calamity Engine (super excited about that) and looked at his art inspiration for another project he’s working on, and had a long discussion about scenarios for Clash. All in a few hours! (We also talked about Patreons, Creative Commons, power dynamics in the indie RPG industry, and gatekeeping.)

The conversation about Clash was really interesting for me. One of my first scenarios is based on Romeo and Juliet and written by Stras, and I am planning on doing a couple more in the main book with some as stretch goals if/when we crowdfund. I have some great creators in mind and a few already signed up. I am hoping to make this a successful product, and I think scenarios are essential to doing that.

Anyway, one of the coolest things about this is that with all of this variety in input, we have managed to create things by collaborating. Clash would not be where it is without the input of the group, nor would Tabletop Blockbuster. I know that we have put a lot of input into Stras’s Hexes and Eights (which you should check out, btw). We also often run into solving problems for each other – I’ve written monsters for Marc’s Paramount, while John has created character sheets, free-to-use dice icons, and other such things for the group. The others have contributed so many things, it’s impossible to list them all.

We’ve had some shakeups in people’s availability so we might have to start working around an occasional design dinner but I am hoping we can keep this up. I think it’s really valuable.

Do you discuss design with your group? Do you have any regular get-togethers?

Do you find you design better alone, or with outside input?

My Design Process, part 1 of ?

A lot of creators talk about their design processes, and since it’s kind of a new thing to me, I wanted to write about this a little. I’m guessing I’ll have more to say about it the farther along I get, so that’s why this is a “part 1.”

Most of the time when I do creative work, I do it on a whim. I’m still learning to create on a schedule and design in windows of time granted by my already busy schedule. I’ll sit down and write a whole bunch and then leave it go or forget about it for a while.

There are two different methods by which I design: solo and collaboratively. We’ll focus on solo for this post.

When I first started working on Clash, I wrote the whole thing in one big swoop and then came back to it and fiddled with it for a while later. This is how it tends to go when I work on my own. I will come up with an idea, basically blow my load, and then take forever to get back to it and really work on it and make it right. It’s even harder when I add in an editorial process, which I think is the biggest challenge for me as a creator. It’s not that I don’t think my work needs to be edited – it does – it’s that the editorial process exhausts me. I feel like I can’t satisfy my editor or anyone giving me feedback. Every comment is like a cut. I’m getting better, but it’s still a huge challenge.

I am also still learning how to effectively research. My current research process for projects involves about 10 open Chrome tabs, open books scattered across my desk, and using my phone to e-mail people for questions while I read. I never read other game books deeply while researching because I don’t want to be too strongly influenced, but I skim and filter through for techniques and tools. I also read other people’s analysis of game rules.

For me, designing is learning. I know I’m still a n00b and that it’s going to continue to be challenging, but I think that I am making good progress. I’m hoping to have Clash as an ashcan at Origins and Gen Con, and soon thereafter take it to crowdfunding. While I’m doing that, we have continued work on Tabletop Blockbuster, and my larp, Girls’ Slumber Party WOO!

Next time I’ll write a little about the differences between designing a froofy story game like Clash, a more traditional style game like Tabletop Blockbuster, and a larp like Girls’ Slumber Party WOO!

Please comment with questions! I like to discuss this kind of thing with my readers. Tell me about your game design process – link me to any blog posts you have done about this subject!

New Patreon is Up!

I’ve started a Patreon campaign to support the blog.

There are a lot of reasons for it. The primary reason? I want to keep supporting indie creators by putting their names and info on my blog and promoting their work.

It’s also because I really hope to do more with the blog. Thoughty has been around for a while now in different incarnations, and it would mean a lot to me for it to keep going and growing. I think the big thing is that I want to be able to produce varied content – vlogs, audio, Five or So, design posts, and fiction posts. The Patreon will make that a little bit easier on me.

As a writer, I’m trying to teach myself to put real value in my own words, and I think that this is an essential part of it. I won’t be counting every blog post for the Patreon, and no blog posts will be locked behind a paywall. I’m hoping that I can just produce more content with more variety, better research, and a wider audience.

Check out the Patreon if you get the chance!

Best,

Brie