Tag: conventions

Harassment in Indie Games: Who, What, Where, Why, and HOW Part 1

Harassment in Indie Games: Who, What, Where, Why, and HOW
Content warning: sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual violence, threats, online harassment, threats of violence, harassment and assault of minors, statutory rape, rape, mental illness, anxiety, social ostracizing

Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.

Part 1 – Introduction, and Who

Recently I put out a survey to ask people about their experiences with harassment and assault in indie rpgs and larps, as well as spaces around them like conventions. I wanted to gain some context to talk about it.

The purpose of this blog series is to talk about:

  • Who: who is being impacted, who is taking harmful action,
  • What: what is being done as a harmful act, what the result of the harm is, and what we are doing right now,
  • Where: where the events are happening,
  • Why: why is this happening right now, why do people do this, why it’s happening where it is, and,
  • How: How we can respond to it, how to avoid it in the future.

This has not been an easy task for me or, especially, for the people who shared their stories. I am incredibly grateful to the people who responded. Whether they chose to be anonymous or to share their personal information, I think it takes a lot of fortitude to talk about our experiences.

The first thing about this, which I knew beforehand would happen, is that I didn’t receive piles of responses. While people are fine with speaking about their experiences in closed spaces, or in places where they could easily delete their posts, etc. I am not sharing the exact numbers of people publicly because I don’t want to increase any risk to people who have shared. I also want to point out that what I’m sharing here is pieces of the responses. I had to select carefully because it was, even with the responses I got, a ton of dense and very important information.

Edit for definition: I was asked to give a definition to indie games by a reader. The definition I offer here is just mine and what I used.

I allowed respondents to define it by their own awareness since it is a flexible term, but what I was looking for is primarily independent and small publishers (so as small as a single person, but not really bigger than Margaret Weis Productions) focused on tabletop RPGs and larp, and the spaces where those games are played and promoted (even within larger events, like Gen Con and Origins).

I was made very aware of my own circle of influence during this project, and I know that I actually ended up having to play the dodging game with people who I know have done harmful things.

Full Disclosure

Three of these posts are paid posts on my Patreon (Patreon.com/briecs), and I’m accepting support and donations through PayPal (PayPal.me/briecs) as I normally do. The final post proceeds will go to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest Network).
 
Additionally, I want to give full disclosure for my perspective. I have been:

— Content warning for list of traumatic experiences related to sexual violence —

  • assaulted,
  • drugged and assaulted (to what degree, I actually am not sure…because I was drugged),
  • harassed, stalked, groped, and negged*,
  • recipient of erotic fanfiction about myself and the person in my inbox without permission and also when I was too afraid to say no because the person might kill themselves,
  • hit on and solicited by men at least 5 years my senior up to 40 years even when I was underage, from known ages,
  • recipient of rape (including explicit description) and death threats (of the “raped-to-death” variety) by strangers and by people I knew,
  • emotionally manipulated into sex, and,
  • body shamed in the context of a sexual relationship.

[*Negging is when someone insults you to lower your self esteem so they can give compliments and influence the individual towards them. It is popular with pick-up artists and it’s bullshit.]

— End content warning for list of traumatic experiences related to sexual violence —

A fair amount of this stuff occurred in game communities, others in adjacent geek communities. I have been sexualized by older people since I was at least 5 (yes, I’m sure of that), online and face-to-face active verbal and physical harassment started in my teens, and so on. I also know personally of two domestic abusers in the community, a few men who have harassed or assaulted people, and multiple people who I wouldn’t want to be alone with because of their behavior, and not all of these identities are known or public.

This context is so people understand, yes, I am biased. I am biased against people doing bad acts. I don’t think bad acts only happen to women or that only men commit it, or anything like that, and I do fully believe that in most cases people can change and stop doing bad things, and try to do better things. That takes work, though, so with no apologies and no change, people remain in a bad spot with me.

I also believe victims. If it turns out someone has been falsifying things, that’s pretty shitty, yes. Most of the time, though, victims are more likely to keep the secret forever than risk the stigma and vilification that most victims experience. Victims are not treated with respect in most situations, and it can be downright dangerous to speak out against people who hurt them.

SO, with that in mind, let’s get started. Follow the cut!

Note: Quotes from the survey may be cropped or have sections excluded to remove names of individuals involved in the situation or to reduce the length of the post – I am doing everything I can to maintain the voice of the respondents and this post is reviewed by the respondents for their approval.

WHO

Who is being impacted?


The survey was open to basically any gender, and I received a majority of responses from cis women (less than 50%, but the whole of theirs was larger than any other category), but also from trans women, nonbinary people, genderfluid people, and men. It is pretty well known that cis women are often recipients of sexual harassment and violence, but it is important to me to note that people were being impacted across the gender spectrum. This is not only a “[cis] women’s issue” – it’s an everyone issue.

Keeping in mind that cis men, trans men, and masc people overall are even more unlikely to report their abuse because of the stigma that comes with it, I’m not surprised that I received few reports from those individuals – less than ⅕ of the responses were from them, in part because a couple who responded are being counted as responses from women because some men reported on behalf of their partners. Still, it’s important to note that men did respond – in part because of a comment I got that stuck out to me.

When I asked what could be done to support victims, they responded “I have no idea. Criminalize men?”

Men are significantly noted as the bad actors here, but cis and trans men are impacted by harassment from women as well as others, and this kind of commentary discourages them from being able to acknowledge the harm done to them (by any gender, including other men). I want to make sure we don’t ignore other individuals who are causing harm (including women against women, and so on), and ensure we’re listening to all survivors.

I didn’t ask for participant ages, which I may change if I revisit this, but about a third of the people who responded talked directly about underage people (themselves or others) being harmed by sexually-charged behaviors, whether it was sexual assault or harassment, or manipulation and controlling behavior. Emotional abuse is a factor here across the board, and it really impacts younger people.

One person who responded said that they received a lot more harassment when they were younger, but now nearing age 50, they receive less – but it hasn’t stopped.

I did not include race or disability on the survey, which may be considered if I ever pursue a future survey. I left those out to ease people’s entry into responding and reduce the risk of identification by outsiders who read my article. I hope that’s understandable!

Who is causing harm?

It is unfortunate here that many of the respondents did note that the person who harmed them was a man. However, not everyone mentioned the gender of the person (I didn’t ask in case people wanted to share multiple experiences, which they did), and there were women reported as being the bad actor. People of all genders were noted as bystanders, as well, which was disappointing.

The bad actors skewed adult – almost all of the responses were grown adults, but teenagers were mentioned as some of the offenders, as well. This is important to note because of the age power differential, as well as the spaces where these things happen.

Importantly, not all of these were heterosexual interactions, or done by straight people. One instance has a confluence of issues:

I had a game master/member of a community that I was a part of harass me multiple times over the 2 years I was around in said community. The individual was a cis man who identified as gay, even though I am a woman and was identifying as a lesbian at that time he would constantly make sexual jokes about me. He pretty constantly made these jokes and also would offhandedly talk about wanting to have sex with me/wanting to see me nude even though I identify as a woman AND I was underage at this point (He was in his late 20s). [from a trans woman]

This includes the underage issue, the gender issue, tacks on transmisogyny, and also frames this as within a community. More on spaces soon, but in the next post, I want to talk about what’s being done.


US Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
– Chat https://hotline.rainn.org/online/terms-of-service.jsp

US Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
– Worldwide chat: http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
– Chat http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

I apologize for not having non-US numbers at this time. The chats should be accessible for anyone, and if you still need help, please contact me directly via contactbriecs@gmail.com. I’m sending good vibes to you as well as I can. Thank you!

edited 12/1/2017 correcting language re: cis women/women/trans women in paragraph after figure, ditto for cis men/men/trans men. Sorry for the errors!

This post was supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs. Tell your friends!

To leave some cash in the tip jar, go to http://paypal.me/thoughty.

If you’d like to be interviewed for Thoughty, or have a project featured, email contactbriecs@gmail.com.

Big Bad Con 2017 – Sunday, Dialect, and Selfies

FYI, Some of my photos are a little shaky. I was in the middle of an allergic reaction for half of it, and honestly, no tripod when I’m not feeling well makes it lousy. I tried though!

This is, I think, the last installment about my experience at Big Bad Con 2017!
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Gif of selfies and friends <3 (featuring Tanya DePass, Misha Bushyager, and Nathan Black

My experience on Sunday at Big Bad Con was really great. I had a lot of positive experiences, and some really good emotional ones. The morning was mostly socializing – Tanya picked up some Jack in the Box for me, I visited people and talked about all sorts of stuff, and in the afternoon, I got to play games! (I know, gaming at a gaming con, who would have thought?

The first game I played was from my upcoming collection, Let Me Take a Selfie. The game is called Who Made Me Smile? and I played with Tanya DePass, Nathan Black, and Misha Bushyager. It was so fun! The general play is that we each write some three-sentence stories with different mood themes, and then take selfies after we read a selection of them. 
Our stories and some selfies. 😀
After that, we talk about it, and take a “neutral” selfie. The most fun part for me is after that, when we look at other players’ selfies and the stories they read to guess which story was associated with which selfie. It’s fun to see how my friends express their emotions! 
Google made this.
After that, you match up who guessed which selfie right, and everyone gets the chance to take selfies or write more stories. We didn’t have any need to write more stories, which you do if anyone doesn’t match anything right with another player, so instead we just took selfies together! I loved it so much. 
It’s important to note that none of us see each other outside of the internet very much, so being able to share these stories and see the emotions people expressed in their selfies – including people who don’t normally take selfies – was such a great experience! I think everyone else had fun, and it’s something I really enjoyed. Also, it was so cool seeing people play my game!

LOTS more here, including Dialect!>>>

I got to play Dialect in the afternoon with Hakan Seyalioglu running, alongside Vivian Paul, Vera Vartanian, and Kristine Hassell. I honestly can’t get over how amazing this game was. Vera cried a hecka lot, in a positive feelsy way, so we must have been doing okay. 🙂 Dialect is a game about language, specifically the death of it, and to make that happen, you need to build it. It is fascinating to me how integrated the language is with the cultural and emotional development of the characters, honestly.

Dialect table setup.
We played a group of artificially intelligent robots left behind after humans departed from earth known as EIPS (Earth Inter-Planetary Surveillance, “eeps”). The general vibe ended up being that the planet was One Hot Mess and environmentally trash. So our job, we decided, was to do surveillance on the planet so that the humans could someday return. We were there a while, and as time passed, we got better at our jobs, so we ended up with idle time to do less rote things. One of the first words we made was a filler word – ona – that we often said while thinking, interrupting our own speech, and so on. We also developed friendship. These three things are the aspects in the game that we would go on to tie words and explanations to, as well as ourselves.
To me, Friendship was the most important aspect of the story. It came up constantly because our relationships were really deep. EIPS took friendship seriously, and were grateful for those they connected with. Initially, the connections were for maintenance – the EIPS bots would repair each other by linking to each other and doing updates and repairs. During that, they learned about each other, about compassion, and about caring. This is where they made friends – synckeeps. Their synckeeps were bots they really cared for – and our bots were all synckeeps.
I mean, seriously, just thinking about the game has me tearing up, jeez.

In Dialect, you have a character of your own which a card that guides the character’s identity. I was the Explorer, and I associated myself with Friendship – in the game, I tried to explore the breadth of human emotion with my limited artificial intelligence, and got quite far, I think. I played 244-L, known as Leon. Leon was a “life emulator” designed to replicate human existence with the safety of robotic structure. He looked …approximately human, and had human-like skin that could regenerate from pretty much any chemical or environmental exposure. He was the canary in the coal mine, so to speak. Leon’s creator had loved the idea of Ponce de León’s Fountain of Youth, and Leon was the realization of that – his body would keep regenerating, regardless of what happened. That was the plan, anyway.

Kristine played Jesse, the Jester, who was initially a data entry module. I think Jesse was associated with the surveillance of earth aspect. She was connected to data points all over the place until, as time passed, each one shut down and she was left alone with just us other models. While the settlement of bots was in the thousands, she was just herself. Because of this, she had learned sarcasm, which was her way of dealing with stress and isolation. She reviewed our daily reports for errors, and for so many years they had been static – eventually she started to copy and paste.

Next, there was the heart of our group – Spinner. AMZ013 was played by Vivian, who did a spectacular job making a lot of us feel really squishy. Spinner was a utility bot who had a broken wheel and so, obviously, Spinner spun and wobbled instead of going straight. Spinner was an incredibly interesting character who kept us on track, oddly enough, when the story got more challenging. Spinner was one of us who had a lot to do with how we spent our idle time (see later, “Uplink.”

Finally, Vera played IONI, ECR1147-C, a satellite who was never actually launched. IONI was our technical hub, kind of “in charge” of the situation – her archetype was the Ruler. She monitored all of the goings on, and made a lot of the big decisions. IONI, like Jesse, was pretty much the only one. We found out that IONI had been saying she received contact from the humans, but it turned out that for far too long she had been getting radio silence – what we knew as commfail, the word that described our sadness.

The first big event we had was that Jesse uncovered a discrepancy – a variance – in her reports. She couldn’t just copy and paste. She reported it to IONI, and IONI decided to investigate it with an expedition. As Leon was an explorer both emotionally and on the ground, he would go out on the expeditions with other EIPS units to test the environment. It beat him up pretty bad, and there was always a worry he wouldn’t come back. Because of this, we developed a way to say “good luck.”

When an EIPS unit says goodbye to someone, they send a datapacket to them with silly pictures and cute animals (cute cats, otters, etc.). While EIPS don’t entirely understand the point of all of it, the humans who made them were cheered by them, and they learned to enjoy them over time. Along with this, however, we needed an indication of them doing it, so we came through with ❤. The bots with LED screens could simply flash the hearts, while those who were more anatomically human used their hands to make the heart (see picture). 

This pic is super old but it demonstrates the point, yo.
(This was actually inspired by RPG_Dante (Bryant Stone) who I met at CONlorado. He signals ❤ to me when we part ways. I may have made everyone tear up with this because of how cute and sweet it is, which is a rare thing for a Brie.)

After Leon came back, it was determined that there was nothing evident in the outside that would explain the variance. We moved forward an age. Each age, you take one aspect and move it into the next circle set up on the table that represents the ages in the game. We chose Idle Time, which was changed into Overtime – we were working past our limits, longer than we had planned with no response from the humans, and running out of glint (our fuel). We were working overtime.

Kristine broke my heart with her character’s story and how she dealt with the loneliness and commfail that the characters experienced, as well as how she brought levity to the table. She was the first of us to express worry – known to us as 404. Her 404 was often founded, as Leon and Spinner got into a mess. There was a holiday known as “Uplink” where we would all power down and just socialize and be calm during a big storm that passed over our compound, and it took a lot of time and energy to give this space to us.

After the Uplink, Leon found Spinner. They hid in a closet and – in one of the most dick moves I’ve ever done in a game – Leon suggested that they might save glint if they put some of the others… out of commission. “Not everyone is necessary all of the time” is I think what was said, and the interaction was so painful, but Spinner agreed that it wasn’t an unreasonable plan. They planned to keep it secret, and had hid out of the range of IONIs base sensors, but they couldn’t get away from Jesse.

Jesse showed up and asked what was up, and in the process of trying to hide their discussion, Leon offered Jesse a can of “Pork nnnn beeens?” (Spinner noted it’s only $2.49) while trying to demonstrate that they were just getting rid of old cans. It didn’t work, and they spilled the (not pork and) beans. Jesse demanded answers in her 404, and Leon and Spinner responded. One of the biggest issues was that they suggested powering IONI down, even though she was their synckeep, and things got very complicated. After getting support from other EIPS, they gathered their courage and reported their thoughts to IONI, presenting themselves as in favor of Eco-Mode (which was a label for their faction, including those who agreed with them). IONI wasn’t happy, but was eventually convinced.

The age turned, and they began putting people into Eco-Mode. The first versions – periods of time where they disabled groups and later reenabled them – went okay, but over a lot of time, they ran into an event that made it harder to move forward: The Wipe. A huge sector of EIPS units were powered down, but when they were meant to go back online, there was nothing there. Their AI had been fully wiped. Unrecoverable. The commfail was immense. Going forward, the synckeeps struggled to stay together and powered on, but as those who had pursued Eco-Mode, some of them felt obligated to version.

Spinner was the first to get boxed up – literally – but was so well loved that the entire community came to wish him ❤ as he went into Eco-Mode, heavy with 404 that he might not return, and experiencing commfail at not having him near. This hit Jesse especially hard. Still, as Spinner left, he repeated our unity saying, “We are still here.” 

Our aspect for Surveillance of Earth, in the last age, was changed to Survival.

Leon continued to do expeditions, and Jesse found another variance, so he pushed out one day to find out what was there. He was walking along with guidance and wishes of ❤ from Jesse and IONI because there were no other life emulators with him, just bots without AI doing utility tasks. There was a lot of interference, and he struggled to hear them while his vision was overwhelmed with environmental waste. His last messages repeated until it cut off – “404. 404. IONI? Jesse? 404. 404–“

IONI and Jesse struggled with the loss of their synckeeps, upset they couldn’t recover Leon because of the environment and their limited abilities. Eventually, they were the only ones powered on. In an act filled with commfail, IONI had Jesse power her down and send her last message out to the humans with the full archive. It was truly heartbeaking, honestly, I swear we were all near tears. Jesse, hugging her pork nnnn beeens, was alone.

After time, utility bots who had been surveying the landscape came across the body of Leon, who – after his skin had been burned away by sulfur waves – was now healed, but still deactivated. Jesse had him brought into IONI’s hangar, and then she brought in Spinner and set him up. She arranged little monitors for IONI, Leon, and Spinner, and played ❤ messages and videos. We faded to black.

In the dark, a message blinked on IONI’s status monitor.

“Archive received.”

Final table.
—
HOLY CENA MY FEELS, Y’ALL.

This is one of the best game sessions, and games, I have ever played in my entire life. I’m still crying just thinking about it. It was an amazing experience. Great players, great facilitator, great game. I would love to play Dialect like 8 billion more times. SO good. *dies*

Afterwards, I hung out with the aforementioned Dante and had dinner. I told him about being the messenger of ❤ in our game, which I think he liked. We also discussed my new mechanic for Script Change, frame-by-frame, and his own project that sounds like a lot of fun. After Dante left, I talked with Kristine, Tomer Gurantz, and a few other people about Brooklyn 99 and The Good Place and it was a great way to finish out. My flight was early and I stayed up late but it was well worth it.

I can’t wait to go back to Big Bad Con! I had such a good time and it was really amazing.

This post was supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs. Tell your friends!

To leave some cash in the tip jar, go to http://paypal.me/thoughty.

If you’d like to be interviewed for Thoughty, or have a project featured, email contactbriecs@gmail.com.

Big Bad Con 2017 Report – Intro & Friday

Hi all!

This will be probably a three-post report because I’m trying to break down my panels and games pretty detailed, so I wanted to warn you ahead of time. These will be paid posts! Thank you for your support. 🙂

—

Me on my flight in, very tired.

Overall Con Thoughts

Big Bad Con is the best con I have ever attended. I don’t say this to like, make other cons look bad, that’s not the point. I came out of Big Bad Con feeling much more positive about the experience than any of my previous con experiences, I didn’t get hurt while I was there, I felt safe and comfortable throughout the con, and I was able to play the games I wanted, see people I wanted, navigate registration super smoothly, make it through my panels with a lot of encouragement from the audience and fellow panelists, and I felt supported coming to the con after a death in the family.

The con also seemed very diverse, compared to what I expected or maybe what I’m used to, I don’t know – I saw a ton of androgynous-styled people, I know of many trans people who attended, there were more people of color that I interacted with than is my norm, and so on. It was awesome.

The rooms were great, local food options were tasty and at least accessible to me (I went out to dinner 3 times and had no real issues getting to the restaurants), and the food at the hotel was good so I didn’t get stuck if I was too sore to walk. I will note that the panel room was super chilly and that could be worked on.

I played two games that I really enjoyed, met so many new people in an environment where I wasn’t feeling pressured to rush, and it was just really great. Sean Nittner and the entire incredible staff (who talk about Big Bad Con here) made it a great experience for me. I honestly really want to go back and I don’t know how I’ll make it happen, but it would be worth it.

Note: My experience is only my experience, and others may feel differently. For example, Stephanie Bryant expressed that being the only woman in a large crowd of people outside Games on Demand was awkward and uncomfortable. This is something that could use review – for me this is a consistent Games on Demand issue but my experience isn’t universal.

more!
>>>
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Hazy!
Friday
I arrived at OAK airport around noonish on Friday, and Jeremy Tidwell was kind enough to pick me up and transport me to the hotel. The hotel is pretty nice! I had some minor room issues, but they were quickly resolved, and I got to meet Jeremy Kostiew FINALLY (his beard is gorgeous, fyi) and forgot how hugs work, as well as getting say hi to James Mendez Hodez, who I’m interviewing right now also.

I got to hang out with Mickey Schulz, Lex Larson, Misha Bushyager, and Rachel Beck. I loved talking with them and having a space where I could get settled into the con after the long flights. Also got to meet Tanya DePass, my roomie, who is awesome. Later I got to meet Sandy Jacobs-Tolle, who is really nice! I screwed around a lot but also spent a significant amount of time talking games culture, current work, and so on.

I noticed that there is a huge trend of people just really feeling like there’s no safe space for them. We talk about this online a lot, but in person, we were just really venting it out. We have to fight our way through just to be able to play. The number of people who said “I don’t play at tables with people I don’t know so I don’t game at cons” was significant, and heartbreaking. I know this feeling, and it’s just not fucking fair.

Later I went out to dinner with Tracy Barnett and some of the others. We discussed games a lot, but also some really challenging personal experiences from growing up, our own baggage, and how it influences our play styles, our gaming, and our lives. I had a few conversations like this over the weekend and was reminded that gaming is an incredibly human hobby. 

–

I was on the You Don’t Look Like a Geek panel with Kristine Hassell, Tanya, and Jahmal Brown. I admit it was weird (but good) to be the only white person on a panel. The experiences that the others shared we’re very far from my own, but I felt really lucky to be there as a part of it.

I was, to my knowledge, the only non-cis person on the panel, which is part of why I was there, plus my orientation queerness and disability. Those don’t all seem super visible, and in narrower communities like indie games they don’t seem remarkable, but those things still can fall into the category of weirdo for a lot of geeks.

Thankfully Big Bad Con had made steps to welcome people like me. Like Metatopia, all-gender bathrooms made a difference for me, so much.
We talked a lot about things that made us feel unwelcome or out of place. I am the only one who actually uses “geek” as a label for myself much, and it’s not a constant for me. We discussed ways to make geek environments more welcoming for people like us, how to handle exclusionary behavior, and also (my favorite) what benefits we had from being nonstandard geeks, much of which centered on finding others like us.

I liked when Jay talked about being a veteran and how when he had gone to basic training everyone had to be in it together, and how that’s how he participates in games: everyone is in it together, and they should try to find common ground. I will note this can be challenging (sometimes more for some than others), it’s a good intent. It’s relevant to the discussions that happened here and elsewhere about those behavior you will allow at a table, and why you would let people like racists stick around.

On the subject of being white, I was reminded how much white people contribute to ostracizing and distancing people of color from the community. That’s bad, and something I hope to continue working on.

I personally spoke a little about forgiveness and moving forward in geekdom. We have a hard tendency to hold tight to people’s mistakes, which is understandable. But when someone has apologized, even if they’ve demonstrated change and tried to make up for it, we so rarely give them forgiveness or allow things to move forward. They can continue to be pariahs, treated with disrespect, and so on. It hurts me to see that, and my heart ached when someone from the audience came to thank me for talking about it because they had messed up in the past and they feel like they can’t do enough to make up for it. That sucks! If you continue to be treated like a bad person even after you’ve apologized and made changes, the motivations to keep trying get fewer every day. This sticks with me.

That being said, we discussed the nature of exclusion and inclusion where keeping racist, sexist, homophobic, and other bigots in your space excludes people of color, women and trans and nonbinary people, queer people, and other marginalized people from your space. Even if they’re still at the table, they are likely uncomfortable and may have already checked out. This subject came up A LOT at my panels.

John Brieger caught up to me after the panel to talk about his current project and ask for my thoughts on his safety mechanics. It was fun to meet him and the others I caught up with, but my exhaustion and medication caught up with me and I hit the sheets early.

Before I crashed out, I was gifted a pocket size Script Change card by Tomer Gurantz! I received a lot of good comments about Script Change this weekend, and on Sunday spoke with Dante (Bryant Stone) about adding a new mechanic to it. It’ll be coming soon as one of the optional mechanics. 😀

Front of the fancy pocket card. 😀
And backsies! 😀
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That was Friday! It was REALLY packed somehow, even though I wasn’t actually that really busy. I am still processing a lot of what happened before I left for the con (work crises, loss of a family member, etc.), but I honestly have a lot of love for Big Bad Con. I had heard so much good stuff about it, I thought it would disappoint, but nope. 😀 
Saturday (with two panels) and Sunday (with two games and talk on Script Change) coming soon! Thank you for reading!


This post was supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs. Tell your friends!

To leave some cash in the tip jar, go to http://paypal.me/thoughty.

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A Handful of Questions on Big Bad Con

I had a chance to talk with Sean Nittner on the subject of Big Bad Con, which is currently Kickstarting, and we got his whole crew in one big Google Doc to answer questions about the con.
This is a VERY LONG interview, so it’s behind a cut after the introductions.
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Tell me a little about yourself and how you’re involved with Big Bad Con. What’s your role? What’s important to you?
SL: I’m Sophie Lagacé and I’m the Event Coordinator. That means working with other staff organizing specific event tracks like tabletop and live-action role-playing (RPGs and LARPs), Games on Demand, workshops and panels, and this year board games as well. I’m there to bridge the gaps and make sure the convention events come together as one big well-timed volley of fireworks.

What’s important to me is to help support and improve our community, whether we mean by that the gaming community or the local Bay Area community. I want more new people to feel welcome, to try and enjoy our hobby; and I want gamers to have an exceptional experience — as I do every time — at Big Bad Con.

I started gaming as a teen and I have the hobby to thank for some of the best things in my life, starting with my friends and family but also extending to practical skills as a facilitator, speaker, project manager, writer, and so forth. I want others to reap the same joys and benefits I have. 

KT: I’m Karen Twelves, editor and marketing assistant. I review most of the communications that Big Bad Con puts out on the blog, emails, and through Kickstarter. I also do a lot of work on the convention programs–editing the game descriptions down to size, cross-checking the schedule. Con-wise what’s important to me is making sure that people get all the information they need, clearly and concisely.

I’ve been gaming since high school and love that BBC makes it so easy to play a variety of games and meet new people. Everyone’s just really excited to be there and committed to having a good time.

ED: I’m Ezra Denney, I am helping coordinate boardgames at BBC. I’m thrilled to be involved with my favorite con, and psyched to be giving back to a con that has given me so much. I really want to put boardgames on people’s calendar at BBC, and share my love of all games with the attendees.
Table at Big Bad Con 2016

YK: I am Yann Kherian, simple volunteer at BBC. I have been attending since the first year. I now give a hand on the event, move tables, help people, smooth the games-on-demand dispatching, make the participants feel good. I love BBC as it has a different vibe than other cons, more indies games, and a very friendly community.
SN: Sean Nittner here. I wear a few hats for Big Bad Con. Last year we incorporated as a non-profit organization and I became the president of the board, which means I get cool moves like opening a board meeting and calling for votes (yes, our board meetings are powered by the apocalypse as well). The boards primary concern once the convention is underway, is the growth of our programs outside the con, specifically our outreach program to run games in schools. At the con itself, I work with all our coordinators to ensure we have a great list of games and events, and a hotel to play them all in.

I started running one-day conventions for Good Omens over a decade ago. I remember the first one felt like it was my birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgiving all rolled up into one day. I love watching people game and enjoy their time together. Over the years though, my focus has shifted from creating a place where we play great games to creating a place where everyone feels welcome and safe playing great games.

BH: I’m Bryanna Hitchcock and I help run the Big Bad Gauntlet. BBG is a flagship event with an interesting history. It started as a competitive event and has turned into a multi-table, shared RPG experience. In addition to the gauntlet, BBC always has an amazing schedule of excellent indie games run by designers and great local GMs.

But beyond the games there is another layer to BBC. It’s also a place where queerness and gender variance are accepted and even welcomed. I love that the community code of conduct is posted around the con. I feel safe there. I’m a trans woman and the BBC community has given me a place where both my hobby and identity feel welcome.

RO: My name is Ryan Ossum, and I am your Reigning, Defending, and Undisputed Champion of the Tell Me About Your Character Booth. Oh, I also run some games here, and maybe play in some, and stuff. My role is… Honestly, insignificant. I (for one shift or so a year since I learned of the Booth) stick myself in it and raise money for Doctors Without Borders by being that ear that wishes to hear your tales. The tales your friends are TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT. I haven’t heard them! I may… repurpose them… for nefarious plans later in games I’ll run elsewhere, but I want to know about it, and you. I want you to want to tell me more, because it’s $5 for 5 minutes of my therapy. Let me hear those tales of your gaming, for good and for justice!
AM: I’m Adrienne Mueller, Data Editor. For BBC 2016 I proofed and cross-referenced data from BackerKit, the BBC website and other sources to make sure all the information was accurate.

I offered to help out with BBC because I wanted to relieve some of the overhead for my friends, who were already devoting a ton of time and effort to make the con happen. It’s important to me that the good people who organize the con have support!

KS: I’m Kristin Sullivan and I am Present at the convention. I’d like to think I’m the back-up jack of all trades to the powerhouse that is Sean Nittner, but that’s giving myself way too much credit. Beforehand I bake for Little Red’s Basket. During the convention you can find me loitering behind or near the reg desk, heading up Games on Demand, or bopping between game rooms. I’m the person who can solve your problem and if I’m not, I’ll know just who can help us.

I love what Big Bad has become without sacrificing what it set out to do. From the beginning, we’ve been home to primarily indie and small press games, those games we collect and fall in love with but can’t get the damn home group to play. There’s no lack of confidence when I say Big Bad offers the best spread of RPGs on the west coast. Couple that with the welcoming atmosphere the con provides, arms outstretched to welcome every flavor of participant, and it’s a premiere convention, unmatched by any other I’ve attended.

Also, see Ryan in the booth. He truly is legendary. Is it even braggadocio if it’s so damn true?

NB: Hello, I’m Nathan Black. I’m the Community Coordinator for Big Bad Con. I wrote the Community Standards under Sean’s careful supervision. Big Bad Con 2015 was my first trip to BBC, and I fell in love immediately. Everyone was kind and welcoming and playing weird and interesting games. My role on site is more of a support role, checking with people and making sure that everyone is doing ok.

It is very important to me to protect and nurture our community. We have a great cross section of people at Big Bad. Our diversity and inclusiveness is our strength.

Ryan may be the champion of the booth, but Nathan sure as heck makes it look good.

SM: I am Shantih Moriarty, the chick who wanted board games. I harassed Sean earlier this year about having a proper board game track, and he said that would be great if someone would organise it.. And I grabbed Ezra :D.

CF: I’m Colin Fahrion, a graphic designer, gamer, immersive performance artist, experience designer, and royal portrait photographer for Prince Wrinkles Nonesuch (my cat who has way more my Instagram followers than I do). I have since I was young loved games, art, and design, and I am fascinated by those places where they all intersect.

I’ve been going to Big Bad Con for five years both as a player and a GM running games. Last year, I joined on as the head of marketing and the website — bringing my design, front-end web, and communications skills to the team. I decided to join on as I really love the Big Bad Con community, the staff, and all that they do to create a welcoming event that encourages creative play!


What are you most looking forward to about Big Bad Con? Is there anything that’s happened before or that’s new that’s really piqued your enthusiasm?
SL: Big Bad Con is my favourite weekend of the year, it’s my Christmas. I have been there since the first edition in 2011. Some of the best memories I have over its six years of existence include exciting adventures with excellent people — in the Asteroid Belt, near Loch Ness, in the ‘Verse, in Aldea, on Coruscant, or above Stalingrad — and shared meals and drinks, peppered with gaming tales. The player caliber is amazing. The people who come to Big Bad Con are there to try new things and they are so enthusiastic about jumping into the story! 
KT: I love seeing what larps are going on; there’s always something cool and fun that I’ve never heard of before. It’s really exciting to try out new RPGs—sometimes run by the designers!—or see a well-loved classic get some attention.

Editing the schedule can be so hard sometimes because after reading each and every game description, I have such a hard time deciding what to sign up for!

ED: I think the renewed focus on boardgames at BBC is pretty exciting. We have more gaming space than ever before, great games that you can play to win, and 2 staff people focused on making your time in the boardgame room awesome.
YK: With the time we know the participants and shared many adventures. Nowadays at each table there is always someone I played with in the past. I also love the public here, they are very eager to try new stuff, I use BBC to bring strange games, and run some europeans game RPG gems. Maybe one day will I wake up early to run with the wolf.
SN: This year we’re moving Games on Demand and improving our staffing level there. I’m also encouraging more GMs to submit games and I hope to have a really robust track. We’re adding board games as well. I have so many good friends who love their Thurn & Taxis more than their Dungeons & Dragons, so I’m really happy to be adding that to! But most excited…seeing old friends and welcoming new peeps to the con, it’s the best part every year!
BH: I’m always really excited for the Big Bad Gauntlet. I love playing and running games, especially Fate and Monster of the Week. At BBC I get to do that with a bunch of brilliant, open-minded people.

An off-kilter table at Big Bad Con 2016. 😉

RO: What am I most looking forward to? Honestly, it’s two things equally. First is the Tell Me About Your Character Booth, because I bought myself a championship belt I plan on wearing during my shift to hopefully draw more attention to the booth and what it’s there for in general. Second, and again, equally important to me, is that I’m running three games this year at Big Bad Con. Each of these games I am planning on running have the same THEME, but do not have the same setting. I want to see just how differently my groups of players play the same scenario (which can be explained upon request) but in three wildly different settings. Those settings are 1) A Sailor Moon-esque high school, 2) A Star Wars Padawan Training Facility, and 3) Xavier’s School For The Gifted from the X-Men universe. Those two sets of activities combined are what I’m more excited about. 

AM: Playing new games and meeting new people! BBC always offers a huge range of games, and I love getting to try out new systems and settings. Also, BBC has been expanding a lot and I think it will have even higher attendance in 2017. I love gaming with friends I seldom get to see, but I also love getting to play with amazing strangers. The caliber of BBC attendees is really high, and some of my favourite games have been one-shots with people I’ve never met before.

Games on Demand is being expanded! The first BBC I attended I hadn’t signed up for any games and GoD games were the only games I got to play. They’re one of my favourite parts of gaming conventions and I’m really happy that BBC’s GoD is getting even bigger and better.

KS: Seriously, Ryan bought a championship belt? I’ve deleted all my answers to just say I’m looking forward to that.

Honestly, I love the people. Now, if you know me, you’ll cough obscene words behind your hand when I say that, mostly referencing the waste of a male bovine, but it’s still true. Big Bad provides my favorite injection of beautiful humanity every single year. I find it invigorating. The vast majority of these attendees I only see once a year, in October, at the convention, and the truth of that is that it’s a shame. But if that’s what I can get, I’ll take it.

I think that’s why I love being at or near the reg desk. I love watching everybody come through, being the first to greet return attendees and meet newcomers. It’s like keeping two fingers on the pulse of the con and finding comfort in the steady flow.

This year, I think I’d like to actually sign up for a game. That’d be a first…ha!

NB: Of course Ryan has a championship belt. HE IS A CHAMPION.

I’m looking forward to seeing friends old and new.

Last year we introduced a convention-wide game reinforcing our shared values called Big Bad World. Everyone gets to pick a playbook when they get to the convention and gets experience points for doing nice things for each other. It’s a fun way to remind people that we are all together in this and playing to make a better community. I am really proud of what we are doing at BBC and it is totally a highlight of the year.

SM: BBC is so fun because you get an INCREDIBLE amount of systems, and people who are excited about them. They invite you into their worlds, and you get to play in them. I am also a HUGE fan of the sign up system, and am excited about some of the possible changes to make it better this year. I am also looking forward to having the snot beat out of me in terraforming Mars. 
CF: My staff role with Big Bad Con is mostly all pre-con, so once the con starts it’s time to get my game on! Every year, I look forward to seeing what unique and interesting games people run. And every year, I look forward to running games myself because there are so many amazing creative people bringing their all to the table!

Last year, I co-produced and co-ran a “wide-con” game of the Warren with Jason Morningstar, Steve Segey, and Jeese Coombs — 4 GMs, 4 tables, 4 players per table all “playing to see what happens” in their Grand Warren rabbit society. I was thrilled see all the individual stories at each table of each rabbit clan and I was riveted by the larger Grand Warren story that was shaped as the action spilled out to the other tables! It was certainly an intense game with so much going on and honestly afterwards I was exhausted, but happily so! Unique play experiences such as this are what makes me keep coming back to Big Bad Con.

tiny kitties!

For coordinators: 

What challenges do you encounter arranging the games, events, and overall setup of the con, and what do you find exciting about making them happen?
SL: I work with GMs to schedule solid events which we hope will interest players, and with event coordinators to arrange this into a coherent whole. I love the feeling I get when I can help find effective solutions for problems (I usually exclaim to myself: “Zoidberg helped!”), when I have a good idea for a special event, and when I manage to make someone’s job easier.
KT: We always have a badge-stuffing party with some of the volunteers (and people who got into town early and are crashing at our place) the night before the con. We order a ton of yummy food and put badges into badge-holders, fold and staple programs, and tackle any other last-minute tasks that might need doing. It can be a little hectic but with friends there it’s so much fun.
SN: Getting everyone into as many games as they want is always the great tetris game we play. First it’s a matter of making sure we have the games available. We do a lot of GM recruiting up front and then when a game fills up quickly we’ll often ask the GM if they want to run another session, or find other GMs who are known for running the same system. We also have the Games on Demand Track that’s specifically meant for folks who don’t want to plan out their games before the con, or who have an open slot they want to fill when they arrive.

The other side of making our games run smoothly is addressing cancellations. When game cancellations happen, especially last minute, we look for replacement options for the players. Either other games they can get into, or replacement GMs to run the game (or something similar). We’re so fortunate to have a host of great GMs, many of which have stepped up in the last minute to run a game. And when players aren’t able to make a game, we post the opening to try and find another person to take their place. In the past that has been through a manual sign up sheet on the wall, but we’ve always found those sheets hard to navigate. Too many games, too small font, and no way to guarantee that if someone cancelled a game online, we’d update the sheets in time for someone else to see the opening. This year we’re going to keep open our digital sign ups throughout the con so players can see what’s open real time and sign up for games either from their mobile devices or from Kiosks at the registration desk.

For marketing:
How do you market a con that’s got so much energy, so much going on, and capture it all – both word of mouth and official communication?
KT: We do a lot of word of mouth marketing for sure. We’ve got a lot of supporters who volunteer to promote it while at other conventions, or pass out fliers where appropriate. What’s very touching for me is the praise for the con I see on social media that’s completely unsolicited–people really love Big Bad Con and want to spread the word!
CF: The plethora of games themselves do a lot to promote the con. Big Bad Con attracts a lot of really creative people running great games. As a result, a lot of our promotion of the con is actually promotion of the game masters and designers themselves. The list of games for Big Bad Con has just started to fill in as people submit their games. But already it is filled with some really unique and interesting games including some playtests. Once the games list fills up there with be something for everybody. Actually, one of the common “complaints” from people is that there are so many great games that they wish they had a clone so that they can play all the games they want to play. It’s a good problem to have!
Specifically for those coordinating games:
How do you filter or choose what games get scheduled? Do you have criteria, and if so, what?
SL: Because Big Bad Con places its priorities on creating an amazing, welcoming experience at the individual level rather than based on number of attendees, it requires tasks that resemble more a game day event than a typical game convention. In particular, we actively recruit GMs who we know are particularly good, and we work with them individually to present their game in the most attractive fashion we can. Since we’ve been inviting attendee feedback since year one, we now have a pretty solid roster of people who return to run excellent games that receive player acclaim.

As far as criteria, we mostly leave it to what GMs feel like running; however, we also create our own wish list of hot new games and perennial favourite titles, and if people ask us for suggestions, we draw from it. If there is something that really seems to be missing by the time we’re approaching online game signups, we recruit among a pool of GMs who are often willing to pitch in to run something new.

SN: Sophie has it all!

Fall of Magic in action.

For anyone:

What excites you about Big Bad Teens and Outreach? How do you get involved?
KT: When promoting Big Bad Teens for its first run 2016, we reached out to a lot of gaming clubs at local middle schools and high schools to let them know about the con. I enjoyed connecting with Bay Area teachers and am really excited about our plans to bring more games to young players outside of the convention weekend.
SN: Outreach is our chance to introduce locals both to Big Bad Con and to tabletop gaming! We’re still developing the curriculum, but I’m very excited about running games for teens in the Bay Area, and hopefully having some of them out at Big Bad Con after that!
How does the scholarship program work?
KT: The Scholarship Fund supports women, people of color, and disabled or lgbtqia+ individuals in need of a little extra assistance to attend the con. It goes towards travel, hotel, and badge fees, for as many applicants as we have the funds for. The application for the Scholarship Fund is over on our website (http://www.bigbadcon.com/big-bad-con-scholarship-fund/) and people can contribute to the Fund through the Kickstarter!

What are bonus things — rewards, recognition — that people can take away from the con?
SL: On the tangible side, there are the various pins you can collect for the various to pitch in — GMing, volunteering, chipping in on the Kickstarter campaign, donating to the food bank or to Doctors Without Borders, and so forth. You can also collect playbooks for our meta-game, Big Bad World. Some game companies also provide prizes for those who try their games at the convention.

But to me the real reward that stays with me the rest of the year is playing and hanging out with great people and, the next time I see them, thinking “Oh, I know them, they’re so great to play with!” I keep relationships online, at game day events, at other conventions, and in regular campaigns.

—


Thanks so much to everyone for participating in the interview! It was great to hear about the con and everything involved. The Big Bad Con Kickstarter still has a little longer to go – don’t miss out on backing if it sounds like a good time to you!


Note: I don’t currently have notes for who took these photos, but I will check with Sean to see if I can update this with those names!
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If you’d like to be interviewed for Thoughty, or have a project featured, email contactbriecs@gmail.com.

Metatopia 2016 Con Report & Game Commentary

In today’s post, I’ll be talking about my experience at Metatopia 2016, the event I mentioned in my previous post about being a con playtester. This will not be an actual play report, but will include discussion of the games I played and a little about my own time there. I will not be mentioning everyone by name because some of you I don’t know your names, some of them I will have trouble remembering, and some of everything is lost to the winds.

First and foremost, thank you so much to my fellow attendees, and to the event organizers, for making my experience excellent, and for being supportive for me in my time of grief. Going to the convention was a challenge for many reasons, and it was even harder going with the recent loss of my grandmother. You all made my time much, much easier. So, thank you.

Some awesome people.

To the timeline!

I arrived Thursday evening to a bustling lobby and plenty of friendly faces. I mostly just planted in one spot and sat that evening, chatting with friends, and meeting new people who like my blog (hiii!!!). It was a good night to not worry about things. I set up plans for the next day, and conked right out eventually.

Friday morning I woke up earlier than I tend to like for a breakfast with Darcy Ross, who is awesome and you should definitely keep an eye out for the work she’s doing. We were joined by none other than Ron Edwards, the designer of Sorcerer (among others) who also coined GNS theory, who I’d never met.

As with most legacy designers, I was a little apprehensive, since I’m still new and I have a lot of Opinions and Thoughts. My fears were rapidly dashed because Ron was a pleasure to talk to, and initially he, Darcy, and me talked about the game design landscape, tools for content control like Lines and Veils and Script Change (the latter of which both Ron and Darcy said wonderful things about and made me so happy to hear), and what we were playing. After Darcy left, Ron and I continued to the Big Board and further discussed social issues in games, feminism, and a number of other things. It was pretty great! I was happy to meet Ron and I’m hoping I remember as much as I can of what he shared with me, and I hope he finds what I had to say just as valuable.

I didn’t have a game until later, so I mostly just bounced around until then, meeting new friends and seeing older ones, and geared up for Glenn Given‘s Something is Out There, a storytelling game told in third-person inspired by shows like Stranger Things and the movie IT, where young kids are the ones who have to deal with the spooky scary things happening in town. Glenn had asked if I’d play over Twitter, so I luckily got in to try it out.

more here>>>>

Glenn doing prep.

It uses a fun tile-and-dice-based mechanic, somewhat board-game like in mechanism but very narrative otherwise. From the description:

[Something is Out There]…and only you can stop it. Something is Out There is a cooperative storygame of coming-of-age horror in the vein of Stranger Things, IT and Monster Squad. As childhood friends you are the only ones who can defend your community against an unearthly terror stalking your town. For fans of Fall of Magic, Companion’s Tale & The Quiet Year.

The character actions are shared, which makes the story really flow differently. One thing I particularly liked is character creation, where you describe your best childhood friend, and choose their three main traits, then reverse something about them (gender, race, orientation, behaviors). It made the characters both memorable and interesting, which can be hard to do (for me) with children as characters.

In case you were wondering, the baddie was a giant, irradiated, star-nosed mole. We did win after someone blew themselves to allow another character to take out the monster.

The following evening I was lucky enough to have dinner with Kimberley Lam and her wife, along with my husband. Kim’s current project is Blood is Thick, a live-action game about the Cambodian genocide, described on the Metatopia site:

One family struggles with unresolved pain years after the ousting of the Khmer Rouge’s brutal regime by Vietnamese invaders in 1979. “Blood is Thick” is a small group LARP about struggling with the lingering impact of genocide on a family where victims and aggressors reside side by side.

I have heard only good things about the playtest experiences, which is pretty great. Kim has done a lot of research for the project, and I hope this game goes off well.

This weekend carried one unsurprising thing: I would be playing a game by Will Hindmarch. The surprising thing is that somehow I managed to land in three Will Hindmarch games over the weekend: Databank, Adventurous, and Chroma (a follow-up to Always/Never/Now). Will is a great designer, and I always enjoy his game master style and his games, so I’d tried to get into all of them, figuring I’d only get into one. Surprise! I played Databank Friday night, Adventurous Saturday night, and Chroma on a very sleepy Sunday morning.

Databank was really, really cool. From the description:

Don’t dream like an electric sheep. Remix yourself, body and mind, into the person you want to be, whether you were born an android or not. On this derelict colony planet, everything you need to be who you want to be is in the databank, where the top percent lives. You just have to get it.

Each character has a psyche, where you have your general personality, memories, and some basic stats. Using certain tags lets you add dice, and you roll mainly with a d20, adding d6s. The cool part came next.

When Will pulled out the whole character sheet, which is your psyche laid over a body (the chassis in which your personality is housed), I teased a bit because I’ve been messing around with this exact character sheet layout and setup for a shapeshifter game in private. This is actually kind of funny because I like that a lot of what Will does is what I think quietly that I’d like to do (aside from that whole card mechanic situation in Project: Dark ;P), so it was another moment where I felt lucky to share any part of my design sense with someone I admire.

There is interaction between the body and psyche, including gaining memories and therefore abilities from the body into your permanent psyche. I really dug the game, and there are multiple types of bodies that you can switch out, including – I shit you not – a centaur. Now, how the bodies look is up to the players, and we all got very creepy, I have to be honest. So when I saw the centaur body type, I knew I had to have it, so we stormed the location where the bodies were held, and I yoinked it, then described it: a half-formed bio horse that they had to give up on making because it didn’t work, so they added a robotic upper body (why? because science, that’s why!) and started using it for violence. In the end, I got the centaur’s memory from the horse body – the horse body with the skin stretched taut and hydraulically opened compartments in the torso, mind you – of the horse being created, and it gave me battle disadvantage.

Brutal.

I took pictures at a somewhat-off-books Goth Court that will be released after I gain permission from the creators and attendees. I generally ask permission before taking photos, and when I take them in closed games, I prefer to check before I post them.

I spent the night with good friends and good company. It was a blessing, honestly, to be near so many wonderful people. Special, deep thanks to Anders Smith for his kindness, generosity, and shared experiences that will never leave me.

Anders is the best!

The next morning, I had the absolute joy of playing Storybox.

A cooperative storytelling game that has players randomly drawing physical objects from a box at specific moments to help them tell their tale. Everything associated with the object in hand, from physical descriptors to abstract memories, is fair game for adding details and establishing elements about the story. Designed for newcomers and old hands of story games alike, Storybox blends the familiar with the new, creating a uniquely inspired story each game.

I got to play with two people I adore: Jason Morningstar and Amanda Valentine. They’re really great people and really good players, and the designer, Roe Nix, is a fantastically kind and intelligent person. The game is relatively simple and somewhat early in development, I think, but I liked it! You build characters and setting around pieces pulled out of the box of objects, and then pull more to inspire scenes. Did you know you can find junk drawer boxes on Etsy and eBay to play this?

We constructed a kind of heartbreaking story about a family tied around a piece of property and a cobbler’s shop, with three very age-separated children whose parents had just passed and an apprentice of the father who had owned the cobbler’s shop. In the end of the story, we discovered that the parents had sold off the mineral rights to the land and that it was worthless. This kind of game is really my jam, and playing alongside Jason in story games is such an amazing experience for me, every time, so having a game that allowed that to happen without me worrying that the mechanics wouldn’t support our story was great, and I’m really happy about it. I can’t wait until Storybox is in my hands and on my table.

We told a gorgeous story with these items. 

I told Roe once they finish the game, I’m going to hack it to make a con-floor game. 🙂

To be honest, most of the rest of the day is kind of a blur. I did the Con Wellness check-in, which went pretty well. Not many people showed up for any particular purpose, but those that were seemed to appreciate the space. I’m hoping to do it both days I’m there all day next year.

I saw a lot of people I loved to see. I got to chat with new friends. I also spent probably over an hour talking to people about behavior in games, conflict types, accessible formats of information about conflict resolution and player behavior for GMs, and a whole bunch of associated stuff. Poor people.

That evening another Hindmarch was up – Adventurous!

Stranded beyond our world and outside of time in a mystical netherworld, the only way to survive is to explore. Delve into ancient tombs. Recover futuristic treasures. Build a new home. Discover hidden secrets of the Islands of the Never. Together, we’ll fist-fight evil and learn how (or why) an airplane got inside an ancient pyramid.  

This was really fun! Will has done some interesting things with pacing in regards to having peril that you have to challenge with die rolls to whittle it down, but allows you to add to it by using key phrases on your character sheet. You also use Fate dice!

The +, -, and [blank] all matter to the way the game plays. The + rolls count as successes and can be used to knock off peril and the peril descriptors, and can also be added to the tracks on the table to gather experience for upping stats.

Overall, I really enjoyed the game! I think it did great with pacing for the theme of the game, the characters were really fun and interesting, and I certainly enjoyed when Kevin Kulp’s (of Timewatch) very-well-performed character fought a dilophosaurus-velociraptor hybrid using old batteries. For further reference, Kevin is a hell of a roleplayer – I discovered this at a Bluebeard’s Bride playtest two years ago, and it is still very accurate.

A small note: During this playtest I was introduced to the Edgewise card. The Edgewise card is an accompaniment to the X-card like the O-card that I’ve spoken about before. The purpose of the Edgewise card is to make people aware that you want to interject into a conversation without interrupting. While I see the card has uses and I hope people find it useful, I’m not a huge fan, but unpacking it will have to wait for another time. I just know that the tool was brought up this weekend and wanted to make sure everyone knew I know about it, and that I’ll explain why I personally won’t be using it at some point in the future.

Saturday night I freaked out for a while about being in a room full of femmeness before I was, in fact, in a room full of femmeness. I did makeup and took pictures for the Crystal Council, a late-night event where a group of attendees played Tales of the Crystals, which is effectively a boxed live-action game for children. When I was around… 6? Maybe? I remember seeing it in stores and desperately wanting it, but between lack of money and lack of friends, it didn’t happen. Seeing it brought up on Twitter by Glenn and Meghan Dornbrock made me super excited, but I admit that I slowly realized that I’m not 6 anymore, and that with my current gender adjustments, being in really femme spaces can be pretty fraught. So, I elected to just take pictures, and it was great to watch everyone play the ridiculous game in their tutus and tiaras. I haven’t gotten permission to post the closed-door pictures yet, but I did take some of the play materials.

Play materials from the game box.
Player-contributed materials during the game.

There were also cupcakes and mochi. That made it very much a good time!

I then stayed up inappropriately late, misbehaving as I tend to. I woke up to go to Chroma and I was sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy. But thankfully, Will was great and excused my almost-sleeping-at-the-table fuzziness. I promise to be better next time!

Chroma was a great time. It enabled me to play my character going from masquerading as a bumbling intern at a high tech organization to John Wick-ing the shit out of the place. I killed many. I gave no mercy. *evil laugh*

Chroma has some Lady Blackbird in its lineage, I think, using various narrative tags to add dice to your roll. The experience system looks really fascinating, though we didn’t get to try it out overmuch. We had a really interesting crew of characters, and I want to note that Will has – in every game I’ve played of his that I can recall – included a nonbinary or agender character. It sounds simple, but for me, it’s really great to see.

The big interesting thing for me is the pacing mechanic Will has included.

The game has a small flowchart-esque map, with different stats identified by differently shaped boxes. Each box is a section/room with a challenge of some type, and you can overcome them with tests that match the stat associated with that box. I admit to missing some of the details here due to fuzzy brain, but I really enjoyed it and felt like it did a great job setting pace for the session and giving structure to the adventure.

I want to point something out and I really hope that the people I played with will read this and identify themselves to me here or privately, but, that session of Chroma had some of the best player dialog behavior I’ve ever been a part of. While I can definitely be a dominant player, I can also easily be steamrolled. I play with my friends more often at cons to avoid that experience, and at Metatopia I always have to branch out. The fellow players of mine at this table were amazing. We shared the discussion both during the action and when we were giving feedback, and I was so happy to see that people gave each other space to talk, and not just one or the other of us, not just a gendered permissiveness.

There were multiple times where I made the indication that I wanted to speak and instead of someone else taking an opening when they also wanted to talk, indicated that people should listen to me, and I saw that around the table. Even when we interrupted, we apologized, and gave each other space. This was amazing, and inspired my heart into desiring to play more games with these people, so much. Unfortunately, I lost track of all of their names (thanks sleepy brain). Still, it was wonderful, and gave me such a good end to the con.

I left Metatopia really satisfied with all of the games I’d played, and I was so happy to see all of the people I cared about. It was a hell of a con, and I can’t wait until next year!

Want to have a cup of coffee with me next time? Let me know, and we’ll make plans.

Soy milk, please.

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Convention Playtester Tips

With Metatopia upcoming, I wanted to talk a little about something I truly enjoy: playtesting.

Metatopia is a convention in New Jersey, USA run by Double Exposure. It is my favorite convention. I get to see a lot of my friends, which is great, and the atmosphere is completely bursting with creativity. I also get to playtest games, most of the time.

What is playtesting?

Playtesting is when a designer or designers gather together people to test out their game by playing it or reading it and talking about it. Typically the latter is referred to as a focus group. There are alpha playtests where the game is in very early stages, betas where it’s in a relatively playable state, and so on. There are also high test playtests, which are really intense, typically made up of experience designers as players, and focused on getting the game to its best state.

Why playtest?

You don’t have to playtest a game. Honestly! You can make a game and put it out there without playtesting it even once. I’ve done this a number of times and there’s nothing wrong with it. However, the reality is that most of the time your games will be far more refined if you playtest them. You get more input, find more of the squeaky wheels to oil, and have different perspectives. It’s useful!

How do you playtest?

There are articles out there that can walk you through playtesting from the designer or game master perspective. What I’m more interested about is how to be a playtester. After all, it’s my favorite part of games.

I am not the strongest roleplayer, nor do I understand probability basically at all. However, I can get the way games work – I can tell when something meshes well with a setting or idea, and I can help people work through what they are trying to say or do. I also can see patterns of behavior caused by mechanics. These are, thankfully, useful to playtesting.

Below I have some suggestions on what to do if you find yourself at a playtesting table. Hope you find them valuable!

  • Listen to the designer and how they describe the game and its genre, setting, and expectations. Don’t talk over them or interject your opinion. Let them set the scene. Let them have some space to share their ideas and their concerns, and ensure they know you are listening (active listening is helpful – here is an additional link with the note that obviously, not all people interact the same and eye contact is not required to be an active listener!). Don’t allow others to step over them if they look like they are uncomfortable about speaking up – speak up for them. A simple “Hey, what were you saying?” in the direction of the designer can make a difference. Keep in mind that steamrolling (people talking over others from perceived authority or privilege) can damage a playtest just as much as the designer just giving up and walking out.
  • Use all of the resources at your disposal. If there are mechanics presented, make excuses to use them in line with what happens in the game or focus group. If there are tools on the table – index cards, tokens, cards, dice – make sure you understand what they are for and make sure you at least try to introduce them to the action.
  • Ask questions. Always ask questions. If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification. If you don’t know what the designer wants from the situation, ask for their guidance. If you want to take an action and you haven’t already been given permission as part of a scene, ask to permission. If you see something missing, ask if it should be there, and if it should, how you can help introduce it, and if not, why not. If you suspect something is going to go against the theme of the game, ask why it’s done that way. Always, always ask questions – don’t assume, no matter how much of an expert you think you are.
  • Show enthusiasm and give positive feedback. Don’t jump around and yell, but do respond with positive feedback if you like something, give clear reasoning behind your reasons for liking what is happening, and so on. Be unafraid to smile and give encouragement to the designer, and ensure that at the end of the session, even if it was a hard one, you thank them for providing the game for playtest. You’re helping them, but there’s no point in playtesters if there’s no game. It’s a symbiotic relationship, for good and ill!
  • Be honest, but kind and respectful. If you think a game sucks, don’t lie and pretend it was great, but don’t be a moldy muffin about it. Use “I” statements if you want to give negative feedback, and feel free to pair them with questions (“I had trouble understanding why we would use a d6 instead of 2d6 for a game Powered by the Apocalypse, could you talk about that a little?” “I felt like I didn’t have a lot of agency in the game because of the strict character roles. Is this a permanent feature of the game, and if so, why?”). You can always tell a designer what you don’t like – after all, playtesting is about making the game better, not pretending it’s perfect. Just be kind.
  • If something goes sideways with the other players, let the designer know either privately or, depending on immediacy, at the table. If something goes badly with the designer or with other players, let con staff wherever you are know as soon as you can. My major highlights here would be bigoted or hateful behavior, harassment, inappropriate content (18+ with under 18 individuals in the playtest, etc.), and so on. If something is truly upsetting, definitely feel free to leave, but make sure you communicate the issues to people who can make efforts to prevent it happening to other people. We can only make improvements if we know about the problems!

In all, there are a lot of things that playtesters can do to improve a convention playtest and help to get strong results. Sometimes it’s hard because the games can be early in development, or possibly have flawed premises. That sucks, for sure, but we can all work together to make games better, and make our environments better for creating better games and playing better games. If you want to be a part of that, take a chance sometime to participate in a playtest and see if it’s for you. I hope that someday we’ll share a table!

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Con Tips!

OH HAY CONS ARE HAPPENING RIGHT

(See the links at the bottom, too! updated 8/1/2016)

I can almost guarantee these things are happening already and I’m late on a bunch of cons, but here’s some stuff to remember:

  • Cosplay isn’t consent. Don’t grope or harass cosplayers, and photograph them only with their permission.
  • Don’t put anything on anyone else without their permission. This includes fairy dust, perfume, any of your body, and social pressure.
  • Have a buddy! Do check-ins! Cons can be great, but safe spaces are hard to find. Have at least one person’s contact information (at or away from the con) readily available to check in with once or twice a day, even just a “yep, I’m alive!” text. It can help you feel grounded and_ is a good risk-prevention measure.
  • Sleep. I know as well as anyone that staying up all night at cons can be super fun! It can also be really bad for you. Make sure to get at least 4 hours (this sounds like so few, but it’s better than nothing!) and take breaks when you’re able to. Even lying down for a half hour can rejuvenate you and ease any anxiety you have built up from the crowds.
  • Eat as healthy as you can, but even if you can’t, make sure to drink water! Lots of it. Try to stay hydrated as much as possible, even if it interrupts your activity – healthiness comes first.
  • Make sure you have bathroom breaks, no matter what you’re doing. If you’re running an event, for every 1.5-2 hours, have a 5+ minute break, and let attendees or players know they can step away from the game if needed.
  • Take your medications correctly. If you take medicine, or end up needing it while you’re traveling or at the con, take it according to the instructions and with the appropriate food or drink. If you are worried about missing it, set alarms. It’s also good to make sure that someone has a copy of your medications in a list including dosage, whether with you at the con or at home, in case of emergency.
  • Pack wisely. Make sure you have all necessary medications, toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, soap or body wash, shampoo, deodorant, hair products, hygiene products, etc.), clothes (multiples of everything – having clean underpants and socks at the end of the day (or to change into midday!) can make a world of difference in comfort), and any assistive devices you might need.
     
  • Take care of yourself physically. Take breaks when walking the floor. Don’t overload your bags or kit, and pause to set them down regularly. Stretch in the morning if you can. Get a shower or bath as often as you can, every day if you’re able. If you are able, take breaks from sitting or standing. If not, just make sure to try relaxing your muscles a little bit when you can. Take deep breaths every so often to help keep you alert. Know that you can step away from any activity that is too physically challenging, beyond your abilities, or is just too much for you at that moment.
  • Take care of yourself mentally. Make sure to step away from the busy con floors to get some quiet every so often, and if you have a tendency towards anxiety and panic, try to have a break away from the action entirely occasionally if it’s possible. Have a social contact you can keep in touch with at the con or otherwise to talk to if you are overwhelmed and need a break. Know that you can step away from any activity if it is overwhelming you or if you are uncomfortable.
  • Don’t put anyone else at risk. If you do things that are dangerous, you put others at risk. If you’re drinking? Take measures to prevent risk – have a buddy, drink water, set a shut off point. If you’re out in the city? Have a buddy, take your phone, make sure you have a map. Put your safety first, and it will help protect others.
  • Be respectful. Don’t talk over other people. Don’t yell or steamroll people at the table. Don’t harass people or threaten them. Don’t interfere with other people’s personal space. Let people have room to enjoy themselves, and you can do the same.
  • Be kind. Don’t make people feel unwelcome! Don’t be racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, or any other kind of -ist, -phobic, or -ism. Treat people with kindness and decency.
  • Make space for those who need it. If you see someone with a wheelchair, cane, or white cane, make sure to give them space to get around. If someone needs to sit instead of stand – in lines for tickets, in the middle of events, etc. – let them do so, regardless of how you perceive their ability. Let people who aren’t the majority at the event speak first, try games or gadgets first, and/or have first access to guests. You will get your turn.
  • Be friendly, but don’t pressure people. Try to be friendly towards others you’re gaming with or spending time with at the con. You aren’t obligated to be happy or cheerful, but you can still be polite (this is obviously only in the case that people are polite and respectful towards you). If the person you reach out to seems uninterested, leave them alone. If a person is reading, has headphones on, etc., give them their space. Don’t ever tell someone to smile.
  • Report problems to con staff. When you arrive at the con, make sure to get the information for security and/or other con staff who help during emergencies or difficult situations. If something happens that makes you uncomfortable or that hurts you (harassment, bad behavior at the table or elsewhere, fighting, etc.), contact the con staff as soon as possible to report it. Make sure to take photos wherever is appropriate (damaged products, injuries, screenshots of messages) as well. If it is appropriate, also contact the police.
  • If you see something wrong, take the right action. It is not always the right action to interfere, but here are some suggestions. 
    • If you see someone being physically assaulted and you are physically capable of helping, step in with caution. 
    • If you see someone being assaulted and you aren’t sure you can help, call for help, and if possible, snap photos of the offender. 
    • If you see someone being verbally harassed, don’t interfere threateningly – try to catch the eye of the person being harassed and see if they seem to want help, or casually go over and greet them (if you don’t know them, it can be helpful to say “Wow, I haven’t seen you in a while! How are you doing?” to open dialogue and distract the person bothering them). 
    • If you stumble across a situation that seems unethical (someone seems to be stealing, etc.), alert con staff. 
    • When in doubt? Get the attention of someone nearby and notify con staff as soon as possible.
  • Have fun! There are a lot of great things to do at cons, but the biggest part is that you never have to take part in anything that isn’t fun for you. If you aren’t having fun, opt out. If someone gives you grief over it, that’s their problem – you should only be doing things that you feel safe doing and that you enjoy. Make sure that you have a good time by being honest with yourself about your capabilities and what you want. 


Stay safe, drink water, and have fun!


ETA: Adding some useful stuff!

Rob Donoghue posted some great Origins tips, plenty of which carry over to other cons!

This article on Handicap Awareness on Dr. StrangeRoll is great!

This post was supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs.

Content Warnings and Trigger Warnings: They Are Not What You Think

Content Warning: I’m going to talk about trigger warnings here, so if you don’t like hearing about that, click away now.

Hey humans! 

I want to talk about what content and trigger warnings are, and why they are important. Let’s first establish what these things are:

Trigger Warnings:

Trigger warnings are related to psychological triggers, like those from abuse and trauma. Triggers are things like sights, scents, sounds, and sensations that can produce flashbacks, painful memories, or anxiety/panic reactions in people who have experienced abuse and/or trauma.

For example: I have been sexually assaulted. When I watch movies, play games, or read books that have sexual assault in them, I can become panicked, stressed, and uncomfortable. This feeling can last anywhere from a minute or so to days or weeks. Some people I know are triggered by scents like smoke, sounds like yelling, or sights like specific violence in media or even something like being on snowy roads in winter.

Triggers are not something of cowardice. They are a psychological reaction to traumatic experiences of someone’s past. No one can define the severity of someone else’s trauma. Even when it comes to professionals, they can’t read someone’s mind. When someone is triggered, they can have complex and extreme reactions, or just some stress and a desire to remove themselves from the situation.

Content Warnings:

Content warnings have some things in common with trigger warnings, but they are not the same. We see content warnings all the time – at the movies (Rated R for language, violence, and sex!), on TV (This presentation may contain material that could upset viewers – just like Law and Order), and on video games (Rated M for content). They are not new, and anyone who is surprised by them may have been living under a rock.

Content warnings are not in regards to people’s mental health or put together to avoid panic attacks or flashbacks. Content warnings are there so people can prepare, or decide what they should let their kids see. They are not censorship, and they are not any restriction on media. They are there to guide consumers to media they want, or away from media they don’t want.

Common Objections:

“Trigger warnings and content warnings are for cowards/babies/wusses/immature people!”
Nope! Trigger warnings are there to prevent people with past trauma from experiencing further trauma. Believe it or not, a lot of people suffer from trauma, and it is not something that you can just “tough it out” most of the time. Soldiers who return from war with PTSD (diagnosed or not) can have trouble because of triggers. People who were abused as children can have triggers. Not just soldiers have PTSD, and people of all ages have experienced trauma in their life. This is why trigger warnings are valuable. When you expose someone to a trigger, it has a psychological impact. In some ways, it is like an allergy. If someone were allergic to peanuts, would you tell them to eat peanuts anyway, because their allergy is just “all in their head”?

“Trigger warnings and content warnings are censorship!”
Nope! Slapping a rating or a simplified list of the content of media on the package doesn’t censor anything. The media is still produced, and available for consumption. It might be limited by age, but parents can buy for their kids, so that isn’t a significant issue. People who are triggered by the content might be upset that the product exists – and that’s okay! They can talk to other people about it and say, “hey, if you don’t like this stuff, don’t buy this thing!” and maybe other people won’t buy it. Maybe they still will. People can make choices!

“If people see trigger or content warnings that have stuff they don’t like in them, they won’t buy it or consume it!”
Not necessarily true! While everyone, regardless of their issues with triggers, might decide not to consume a product, there are plenty of people who still will. People can, and often will, still consume media that has objectionable material in it, and that has triggers for them. Seeing a trigger warning isn’t always “That’s not for me!” It might be “I can watch this when I am having a good day” or “Maybe I will save this until when I am not in a depression” or “If I get a friend to watch this with me, I’ll be great” or even “Maybe if someone tells me what part to skip, I can enjoy the rest of the thing!” Also, we are not in the business of forcing people to buy things. No one has to buy what you are selling. It’s not like creators walk beside people in the store just putting things in their cart and telling them that it’s something they should watch, even if they don’t like it. That’s like forcing people who like action movies to watch Oscar bait.

“People will abuse them to get out of work/school/responsibilities!”
Totally! And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay because those people will be few. It’s okay because people use excuses to get out of work/school/responsibilities already. It’s okay because the people who use trigger warnings and content warnings for their own wellbeing and awareness will, a lot of the time, still take the classes or go to work or fulfill their responsibilities. People abusing systems is nothing new, and we shouldn’t put other people through difficult and often dangerous situations just because some people are jerks.

ETA: “You can’t possibly list all of the triggers, how am I supposed to know what they are?”
Well, for one, you can’t list all of them. That’s okay. You don’t have to list them all, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t list any. Part of the point of trigger warnings is demonstrating that you are aware of your audience and willing to listen to them. You can try to focus on the common ones: graphic violence, sexual assault and abuse, domestic/child abuse, and rape. From that, most people can get an idea of whether it’s their kind of media. Trigger and content warnings are not an all or nothing tool. You can talk to your audiences or potential audiences, you can check around in forums and on social media to see what your potential audiences might have issues with. Even if you don’t do that, you can still be considerate even with limited information.


Why are these things important?

A lot of reasons, actually! I have covered a lot of them already, but I’ll summarize.

  • Many people have been affected by trauma in their lives, and it is important to provide support for them to feel safe and still able to enjoy their lives in any way we can.
  • A lot of people prefer to consume different types of media for many different reasons. Some have kids, some like to compartmentalize their media, and some people just don’t enjoy all types of content.
  • We should respect psychological issues just like we do physical issues. They are valid, and denying people the ability to avoid things that hurt them is, honestly, just rude.
  • Everyone should have choices in their media! Everyone is different, and we shouldn’t force everyone to enjoy one thing just because the majority enjoys it, or because not liking it makes them seem judgmental. 

How can this be applied?

In school, it’s simple. Put a note on your syllabus about what kind of content will be discussed in class, what materials you’ll be using, and how to contact instructors to either change classes, consider alternate materials or assignments, or help to figure out a good way to go through the classes without putting students in a position where they don’t feel safe in class.

In media, it’s pretty easy. Create what you want, but put a note on it. It can be simple: “This film includes rape, sexual assault, and sexualized violence.” It can also be more complex: “This game has mechanics that allow for PC mind control, which are not optional and central to the game’s premise.” Either of these options are great, and importantly, they are way better than nothing. If you are planning a convention game, you can put notes in your description, or let the players know when they arrive at the table, and offer them the opportunity to step out.
What about in games where we aren’t using a script? What if something happens in game that wasn’t planned?
This is more difficult! The cool thing is that it’s not impossible! One of the first things you can do is establish boundaries with your players so that if there is something completely off the table, you know in advance and can avoid that material. Another thing is that you can provide tools like Script Change and the X Card. These tools give you either the option to skip content altogether, or to back up and go through a scene again with new content, fade to black, or pause for a moment to evaluate players’ comfort with moving forward. It gives players more control of the content, as well as helping them to feel comfortable. It is awesome because sometimes it makes players even more likely to try adventurous content they may not have otherwise tried.
I want to emphasize: You can still create whatever you want to create. The key is to allow those who aren’t interested in your content to safely avoid it, and give those who want to enjoy your content an easy way to navigate. People have more fun doing the things that they enjoy, and when they are stuck doing things they don’t want to, it drags everyone down. Trigger warnings and content warnings help people find content that they can enjoy, and can encourage them to try new things.
—-
In the end, trigger warnings and content warnings are a great way to support other people in trying new things, expanding their boundaries, and exploring, without leaving them with no safety net, and without ignoring the importance of their mental and emotional health. Some people might not care about this at all, and that’s okay. However, I think that kind of attitude definitely shines a light on who is likely to consume their media, and whether they are the kind of person those who have experienced trauma are willing to trust. For me, there’s no question: I want everyone to have fun – not just the people who don’t care.


This post was supported by the community on patreon.com/briecs.

Five or So Questions with Avonelle Wing on Convention Organizing

Tell me a little about what you do as a convention coordinator. What’s exciting about it?

What do I do? that’s a very complicated question, because I wear many hats, and the list of things I do could read like a resume.
From the practical and very concrete perspective, my job is to make sure the resources are available for the convention staff to provide the most satisfying convention experience possible to the broadest segment of our population. Among the things I do are:
  • Remembering to buy the right envelopes (peel and stick, #10), card stock, poster board, tape, packing tape, duct tape, and knowing which brand and why.
  • Keeping track of ridiculous things, like remotes, wires, plugs, components – making sure everything gets packed to and from every con, and I know where each important piece is. all the time. 
  • Refreshing our extension cord supply. 
  • Counting bed spots accurately so senior staff and guests all have a place to sleep.
  • Soliciting and tracking prize support and library copies of games.
  • Keeping track of special guests and making sure they have satisfying experiences at the con. 
  • Maintaining a social media presence so the conventions are people, not faceless corporate entities to attendees. 
My brain holds a million vital little details that mean we don’t ahve to reinvent the wheel. and we never have to deal with the experience of buying the wrong duct tape again. (the whole Big Board system fell off the walls at DEXCON. Within hours of putting it up. It’s my job to remember that horror and to make sure we avoid it in the future. 1,000 events on the ballroom floor. oi.)

I talk to game masters. I help piece the schedule together (my husband does the lion’s share of the scheduling and I still get a little swoony when I look at the sheer magnitude of the task he takes on every convention.). I coordinate staff.

On a more ephemeral level, I get to be part of the magic of our community. I am the welcome wagon – I notice when somebody is looking a little lost and I loop them into something exciting. I forge connections, solve problems. When somebody is in the middle of a devastating breakup and needs to hide, they end up in my room, because that’s a safe place to hide and I always feed you after I scrape your sobbing self up off a hallway floor. Our conventions are described by lots of people in our community as “giant family reunions” and I get to make that magic happen. It’s akin to being the eccentric aunt who rents the pavilion, hires the magicians and buys 100lbs of charcoal. The difference is that our community has chosen to be here. and I love them for that.

I get to facilitate our evolution. When somebody comes to me and says “freeform. it’s a thing. we need more of it” I get to say “ok! fill out the form and let’s do it!”

When somebody says “gender. It matters in gaming and we need to talk about it.” I get to say “OK! space, exposure, attention. let’s go.”
18 months later, somebody said the same thing about race. “Great. Let’s talk. Let’s talk long and loud and let’s get angry and let’s do positive things to change our world. Let’s go!”
We hear “old school roleplayers feel lost. we want a home too!” and we launch a convention within a convention to serve them too.
Our job is to be responsive and supportive and encouraging. and I think we do a decent job of it. It’s exciting to me to hear somebody say “I want to…” and to be able to say “and I can help make that happen. I’m excited! let’s go!”

I am often humbled, watching our community support each other. and I get to know that they’ve come together because I’ve given them the venue and the opportunity and the reason to do so.

What is the biggest challenge to hosting a con?
The biggest challenges of any convention lie in the unknowns – will the air conditioning be able to keep up? how many bottles of soda will we blow through this year? The system and process stuff? We’ve got that down, and it’s entirely on us. Once you set the machine in motion, you become dependent on other people to see things through, and on the universe to cooperate.

I drove all the convention badges, the printer and all the other registration materials to a convention once through a storm system that spawned tornadoes. As I drove down the highway, I watched trees falling behind me – it felt cinematic and not as terrifying as it should have been. Those things, you can’t plan for. You just have to keep your head screwed on straight and keep moving.

What do you think is the most valuable advice you could give someone starting their own event?
Talk to other local events. Make sure you’re not crashing their party. Ask them about venues – sometimes there’s a reason an event moved suddenly. Schedule so you’re not stepping on anybody’s toes. Ask for help – Double Exposure is always happy to help a small even negotiate for space and sometimes we even help staff for your first couple of years.

Figure out a reasonable budget and double it.

Carry the best insurance you can possibly afford. Wait. what? insurance? Yes, insurance. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Don’t run by committee. Take personal responsibility for things that go wrong and be generous in sharing the credit for things that go right.

What are your goals with Maelstrom and DEXCON, which are two wildly different cons?

Maelstrom is an experiment, and I’m still sorting out my goals. I need to go back to my brain trust and discuss what worked and what didn’t, and to set community-guided goals.

DEXCON’s goal is, always, to provide the most action-packed, diverse, intense, intimate five days of gaming anywhere. We’ve got the excitement of one of the mega-cons with the comfort and friendliness of a local con.

What’s big for the next year for Double Exposure?
Big… I’m not sure we are ready for much bigger than 2014! We’re up to four conventions a year of our own, plus we’re doing the First Exposure Playtest Hall at Gen Con.

I’m just getting my feet under me when it comes to talking about the importance of social justice – of advocacy and representation. That has become a bigger part of Double Exposure’s program over the last several years, as I’ve realized that we were above the curve, but had more we could be doing. the rest of 2014 and likely most of 2015 is going to be continuing to present the best possible product to our community while refining and advancing our approach to outreach, education and representation. I have so much to learn, and so many brilliant people to learn it from.

I have a still-flickering hope that we will be able to do a larp-oriented project in 2015, but that won’t be decided until we’ve gotten home from Gen Con, at the soonest.

Why do you run these conventions?
Riding home from Gen Con last year, I found myself pondering the fact that these conventions – even with their stress, financial exposure, physical toll, worry and effort – are as close to worship as I come. We create a thing that is ephemeral. It’s temporary, like a play, and when we’re done, we strike the set and we go home. But while they exist, we create something that is as close to a Divine act as possible.

Conventions connect people in a very tangible way. We step outside of our daily lives and enter a space outside of time. We storytell – one of the most human and most sacred of acts. We trade pieces of ourselves. We laugh. we cry. We see friends we only see a couple of times a year, and we pick back up right where we left off. There’s an emotional resonance to conventions that is unlike anything else I’ve experienced.

Also, it’s safe place to be a nerd – to love My Little Ponies. to know the dialogue to every Star Trek movie. to remember every model number of every Terminator to show up on screen, ever. There’s very little fear of mockery or disdain. As somebody who was vexed for being a reader, for being a nerd, for having a grown-up vocabulary, sometimes it moves me to tears to watch folks (often younger folks) come in – a little awkward, a little wound up, a little too much – and to see them unwind, slow down, find their own unique pace. We create a space where we protect each others’ weirdnesses, and share them. It gives folks who find themselves on the fringe at school, at work, in their daily life, a chance to be in the middle of the puppy pile – to be respected, to acknowledged and seen and known.

It’s a calling, and I’ve known that since I first walked into a Double Exposure convention in 1997. I welcome each new face like a companion on this path to carve out a spot of acceptance, creation and joy every few months.

Con Bags with Rob Donoghue and Monica Speca

I don’t normally do multiple posts in a day, but I am so hyped about Origins next week that I couldn’t wait to post this interview with Rob Donoghue and Monica Speca about their favorite con bags and accessories!

FROM MONICA:

Tell me about your favorite bags. What do you like about them?
I travel with a Samsonite Tectonic Large Laptop backpack. It is the best damn thing I have ever purchased for travel. The bag is big enough for up to 4 days’ worth of clothes, (maybe even more if you’re good at packing efficiently) has well-cushioned pockets for your laptop and tablet, and a number of sizable pockets good for stashing all your stuff. It fits nicely into overhead compartments, so is good for a carry-on, but is also small enough that you can cram it under the seat in front of you. When I get to the con, the backpack then doubles as a vehicle for, say, gaming supplies, or carrying a spare pair of shoes along if I’m in costume.
When I cosplay, the backpack is usually for my street clothes, my computer, entertainment for the plane (if I’m flying) and anything I don’t need to check.

What about bag accessories – water bottles, detachable pockets, organizers?
I don’t use many of these, but maybe I should! Usually I carry any personal effects (wallet, keys, phone) on my person in my pockets as much as possible.

When I cosplay, it’s not uncommon for me to carry a small purse or to bring along the aforementioned backpack… and foist it off on a friend of mine who isn’t in costume. This is often the Significant Other’s job. I also keep all my makeup in a little bag that goes in my checked suitcase if I’m flying. There’s nothing particularly special about it. It has a zipper and enough space for me to cram all the cosmetics I’ll need for the weekend in there. Note to self, though: look into getting a water bottle – staying hydrated is incredibly important when cosplaying.

Any must-have con tools of the trade?
For a gaming or general con-going, I highly recommend a solid backpack (you don’t say!) or a messenger bag – depending on what you find most comfortable. I have a bad habit of losing purses or wallets, but I’ve never left something like a backpack or messenger bag behind.

For a cosplaying, I must say that the most valuable thing you can bring with you is a buddy! It’s a good idea to have a partner around to help carry your stuff, touch up your wig and makeup and make sure that nobody walks off with your personal belongings while you’re posing for pictures – especially if your costume is popular. Having a friend along can also help you to feel safer and more relaxed in really crowded spaces.

FROM ROB:

Tell me about your favorite bags. What do you like about them?

I currently have two favorites. For a sling bag, I love my Redoxx Gator. It’s blocky and smallish, but it holds a ton with a lot of protection. It’s designed to carry a very flexible kit, including a big camera, which makes it very versatile. My backpack of choice is the Timbuk2 Q-Laptop bag. In addition to one of the best laptop sleeve designs I’ve ever seen, it’s the perfect balance between storage capacity and staying slim. Honorable mention goes to the Timbuk2 Slate backpack, which is amazing, but it can actually hold too much stuff, which is a problem.

The biggest danger you’ll run into with a con bag is that you *will* fill it to capacity, and if that capacity is huge, then you will *kill* yourself walking around. So whatever bag you like, try to go as small as you think you can manage.

(And if you’re uncertain, get a backpack. Your back will thank you. There are a million great brands these days, but don’t buy based on reputation or what works for other peoples. A good backpack is like a pair of shoes – you need to try it on and choose for comfort. Bring your kit to a sporting goods store and load up whatever bag you’re looking at, load it up, and walk around. The folks at the store will understand what you’re doing, and you’ll find something that actually suits you.)

What about bag accessories – water bottles, detachable pockets, organizers?

I have a few bags that use the MOLLE system of tactical loops, but I mostly just use them to hold pens. I know some people swear by them, but I am very nervous about having things clipped on the outside of my bag in any crowded venue. There is simply too much jostling and bumping for me to feel comfortable.

Instead, I am a huge proponent of using smaller bags and containers *inside* my bag. Exactly what kind doesn’t matter – get what you like and what you can afford, and the distribution depends on your needs but, for example, I have in my bag:

* A very durable pencil box with all my writing utensils
* A zipper pouch with all my cables
* A dice bag
* A zipper pouch for index cards and tokens

This means that it’s easy for me to change bags if I need to, and also makes it easy to find things, since the only things knocking around loose in my bag are books, notebooks and other easily grabbable things.

If you have a water bottle pocket in your bag, then use it, but do so carefully. Make sure that the size of the bottle matches the size of the pocket well enough that it won’t EVER fall out, even if upside down. If it’s not that snug, then don’t carry it full – just use it to drink from when you find a water source. Similarly, use something that can take abuse. A leak is a real problem at a con.

Any must-have con tools of the trade?

* At a big convention, check the convention swag and see if they’re selling branded badge holders. if so, take a good look. Sometimes they’re cheap and decorative, and you can ignore those, but sometimes they’ve got enough storage to serve as extra pockets. If you can find one of those, BUY IT. You can often run an entire con out of one of those things.

* Bring a travel power strip. Your hotel room is not going to have enough outlets for all the nerd to charge all their toys, to plan for this.

* Poo-Pourri works. I will not delve into the details of this, but if you are sharing a room, your roommates will thank you.

* Bring quarters. A lot of randomly useful things, like lockers and carts and vending machines can be real lifesavers, but only if you have quarters to use them

* Inexpensive business cards are trivial to make these days, so feel free to bring some, but if you do, think about how you want to use them. There is a difference between “Find out more about me and my brand!” and “You are awesome, we should be friends”. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need 2 cards, but it does mean you need to think about how you USE your cards.

* Bring handi-wipes. If you don’t need them, great. But if you do, then you will *NEED* them. Little pump bottle of hand sanitzer is less dramatic, but equally useful

* If you pack anything liquid (like hand sanitizer) put it in a ziploc. As noted above: Leaking is for the birds.

Thanks to both Rob and Monica for their answers and info! Super cool!